Dear Pro,

The day after April Fool's Day. On Wednesday, April 2nd, applicants to the Ivy institutions will be notified by mail of admission decisions. Since the common notification date is not set until after publications go to press each year, we simply say early April on our web site and in all of our admission publications.

Students will be able to check decisions online (at 5 p.m. on April 2nd) by using the Application Self-Service System. You must create an account. Please  review the site and instructions:
https://admissions.cornell.edu/login/default.cfm
Good luck!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear still,

The general rule is, after the "I do", you forever hold your peace, if you're not the one saying "I do".  But if you want to be, try getting a face-to-face audience so you can discuss the issues and its nuances.  If he (or she) wants to understand more about how you have changed, or if he needs to tell you more about how he feels and what the consequences have been, it would be good for you to be there.  If the two of you can let out the pain and anger then there maybe possibility for a clean slate. 

There is no number of attempts that crosses the line, but you don't want to be disrespectful of personal boundaries.  After a few attempts, you change your message, and say something like, "I understand you don't want any more contact with me.  This is important to me..."  The last message would say "I will no longer attempt to make contact, but I want you to know I am open to talk when you are ready."  Then mean what you say.  Even that can be a way to rebuild trust.  You must be patient, and make the best of your time.  It may be that total separation is the best way to demonstrate that you are sorry.  In your next relationship, you'll use the lesson learned.  Good luck.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Kelley,

May that kind of love never go out of style!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Always,

Good planning (to enroll the guests in the joke beforehand).  Did you turn in a key?  Just remember, never say "never (a bride)". 

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Noticing,

I'm sorry that you found a situation which was disturbing in Anabel Taylor. Gannett provides brochures to individuals and departments seeking to post in areas where an unknown person with bulimia is leaving a mess.  Meanwhile, they always suggest that if the person is known to anyone, that a better strategy is to initiate a conversation.

The brochure technique is probably not particularly helpful.  It may alert the person with the problem to the fact that s/he is being noticed, but this may/ may not be interpreted as "caring" .  It may be an indication for the person to take his/her problem elsewhere, rather than to treatment (as recommended in the brochure).

Meanwhile, you point out that others may find it disturbing to see brochures.  Certainly the intent is never to send anyone into a relapse or to label anyone, but rather to suggest treatment. Although relapse is unlikely in someone who has sufficiently progressed through treatment and recovery and is no longer in denial, the idea that it could make someone worse merits further discussion. I have sent your comments to the Gannett staff for consideration.

We are not aware of any research done on this issue, although it may exist.  Anecdotal studies may be possible.  Good thesis topic for someone?

I hope your letter serves to raise our consciousness about this disorder and the persons who are troubled with it. We all need to learn how to become more sensitive and compassionate without turning away from a problem or a person in need.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Curious,

They say "birds of a feather flock together", which may account for the (approximately) 8% of living, mailable, Cornell alumni who are married to another Cornellian.

Of course "they" also say "opposites attract."  Perhaps that explains why the number is significantly lower than the rumored 60% that you had heard. 

Uncle Ezra   

Dear  Hopeful,

You've worked long and hard to get to this place!  You must be quite pleased to be here, despite your concerns about the next step.  I spoke with the Director of the program and learned that the National Association provides procedures for internship selection. There is a national pool of competitors for each internship. However, each location makes its own list of critieria, for example some are looking for good social skills, some for researchers, some for program planners.  So, the rules are flexible here.  Some take on several interns. Recommendations from faculty and employers may be provided with application materials to demonstrate your "good fit" with a particular program. At this point, the control you have is to present the best possible picture of your qualifications. 

If you don't get your first choice, don't despair.  Although you may not believe the cognitive adaptation strategies of affirmation, like "things happen for a reason" or "it wasn't meant to be", once you move on with your life you can look back and see that second choice wasn't such a bad thing.  You may meet your future employer or discover some new interests there.  There are as many stories from people about "if at first you don't succeed, try again" from those who had to get a PhD to get into Med School to those who took the Bar 4 times!  What matters is that you do what you need to to get to your career goal.

Remember, overhearing a phone conversation is like reading someone's diary - what can you do with the info?  You can't talk to the person about it.  What are the possibilities?  The person was trying to allay her friend's anxieties.  She misunderstood the message from her employers.  You know when you have a conversation with someone you are responding to their questions and tailoring your message to who they are and what they know. So don't be unfair to yourself when you hear one side.

I'm sure things will work out for you and you will be happy with what your future holds.  Good luck!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Sri I.,

My story is probably like most.  I truly appreciate the love I have, I dearly miss the love I've lost,
I greatly hope to enjoy love that grows more dear with both time and with trouble,
as well as with triumph. My story, like most, is one of doubt and of jubilation. I hope you enjoy yours as I have mine.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Niece,

It's great that you're trying to take care of your bones.  Maximum bone density is achieved when we are in our twenties, so your timing is perfect.  Actually, at any age, calcium is needed to maintain the bones at their optimal density.  However, from what you describe you may not yet be getting enough.

The amount of calcium recommended each day is 1000 mg for most adults.  Women who are pregnant, breastfeeding, or non-menstruating need a higher amount.  Note that non-menstruating women should seek medical advice, because sufficient calcium intake alone may not be effective in preventing bone loss.

There are approximately 300 mg in each cup of milk or yogurt.  Calcium exists in smaller amounts in a variety of other foods including greens, nuts, beans and grains (levels range from 15-90 mg per serving).  However, calcium in plant foods may not be absorbed as well due to fiber and other plant compounds that bind to calcium in the digestive tract.  Calcium is also fortified (added) in products such as juice,
soymilk and ricemilk, and is often added to tofu in the manufacturing process.  Some recent studies show that this fortified calcium may be absorbed at about 2/3 the level of absorption from dairy products.

For vegans, it is advisable to get some source of supplemental or fortified calcium in order to reach an intake of 1000 mg/day.  Generally, two cups of dairy or fortified juice, soymilk or ricemilk daily will contribute about 600 mg and good mixed diet will supply the rest.  It would not hurt to take a supplement such as calcium carbonate (e.g. Tums) or calcium citrate to ensure that your intake meets or exceeds the 1000 mg level each day.

It is not advisable for total calcium intake from food sources and supplements to exceed 2500 mg per day.

For more information about calcium and osteoporosis, try the following websites (search for calcium at the website):
National Osteoporosis Foundation:  www.nof.org
American Dietetic Association: www.eatright.org

Don't forget that exercise helps keep your bones strong, too. Good luck!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Rational Consumer,

It's most likely something that came from a page that you previously browsed through.  Uncle Ezra is a free service, supported through the good hearts of the university, not through ad revenue.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear loyal alumna,

Yes, the issues you bring up are legitimate, and need to be kept in mind as we make our decisions. Each University must make its own decisions regarding fiscal allocations. Universities have different goals and different resources.  Just as each city or county has different characteristics requiring different programs and supports, so Cornell is different from other Universities. Our Budget office compiles the necessary information, makes a suggestion for tuition rates and where that money will go, and that is voted on and approved or amended by the Board of Trustees. The Board does keep an eye on the pros and cons of these decisions and makes adjustments accordingly. We all must have faith in their judgment.

Thank you for sharing your perspective with us. I have passed your comments on to the appropriate office. I am glad that you feel some gratefulness for  what worked for you here. We're not perfect, but we try!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear searching for the collegiate brand name,

A little good-natured teasing won't hurt us, in fact it's to be expected. You see it in sports, the business world, politics and personal relationships.  We keep our tension funnelled into sports and academics, not aggression or bad feelings. We are strong enough that put-downs slide right off our backs.

You are right that Cornell's admissions percentages (amount of students accepted v. those applied) is higher than many of the Ivy schools, if you want to compare apples to apples.  However, one would argue that in doing so, you are really comparing apples to oranges given the many differences between the Ivies or any other academic institution for that matter.  That would not be a fair assessment, except perhaps that they're both fruit (or academic institutions in this case).  Here are a few of the celebrated, in my perspective, differences between Cornell and the other Ivies:

-Cornell is the land-grant university of the State of New York, and is the only land-grant Ivy.  The university is currently undergoing a comprehensive review of Cornell's land-grant mission to make it the best it can be in the 21st century, many of these relate to significant outreach efforts by many departments within the university. Other U.S. land-grant institutions include UC Berkeley, Purdue,
Penn State, U. of Florida, and U. of Wisconsin-Madison.  For more on Cornell's land-grant mission visit http://provost.cornell.edu/land_grant/mission_review/.

-Cornell has the biggest undergraduate enrollment of all of the Ivies (by a landslide) with approximately 13, 275 students compared to Penn's 9,860 and roughly double-or more than the remaining Ivy Schools.  The total population, including graduate and professional students is comparable to Harvard and Penn, and a little short of Columbia.  The large size has its costs and benefits.  With a large size, students must sometimes try a little harder to find their niche, but with its size, there is a niche for everyone!

-Cornell has 7 undergraduate colleges (not to mention the graduate and professional programs)!  That's 7 uniquely different colleges each with its own subset of concentrations and majors, that together make up this great university...that's educational diversity!

Those are just a handful of differences between Cornell and the other Ivies.  If you dig deeper you will find both strengths and weaknesses when doing a side-by-side comparison of academic programs, facilities, activities, and opportunities between Cornell and any other academic institution.  You see, knowing about an academic institution is like getting to know a person, there is much more than appearances or admissions statistics.  You must look farther to truly get to know someone's personality, their skills, their achievements, and their personal challenges.  It is through this that friendships are built and relationships are formed.  In the same way, finding the right college involves finding the right fit for the individual and the institution. 

Over the years I have known many incredibly bright and talented students, staff, and faculty members here at Cornell.  Are we perfect?  No, but then again nobody is!  Still, many feel great pride and accomplishment in attending or working here at Cornell. I hope that you too may experience some of that pride one day too.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Alum,

There are times when we all feel financially squeezed.  It is good to remember we don't "need" all that we have, but we do have creative minds to find a way to get our needs met.  Thanks.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Pres,

It really is fun to be able to cut the reins and run with an idea, unbridled by regulations and restraints!  However, as we grow into responsible, mature adults, we must find places to do our running where we are not running over other peoples' freedoms. For example, what was an innocuous word to play around with in a more homogeneous high school suddenly becomes an insult, or may stimulate negative feelings in someone, when we are in a community that brings together so many different people from different places. When we take on some of the weightiness of an issue, we are taking that burden off someone who has been holding it too long.

We must learn patience and frustration tolerance as we follow the procedures to ensure the building of a sensitive and comfortable community for all. Writing proposals, although cumbersome, is another useful skill. We must also learn skills to develop our happiness within the system under which we operate.  Dilbert shows us how humor may be the salvation of the common man who survives within the rules and among the personalities of the workplace. Your "CI" coin shows you have great promise in the use of humor to release tension.

Rather than being apathetic, I hope my school is responsive to the new world around us. The Dalai Lama said "As we approach the end of the Twentieth Century, we find that the world is becoming one community. We are being drawn together by the grave problems of over population, dwindling natural resources, and an environmental crisis that threaten the very foundation of our existence on this planet. Human rights, environmental protection and great social and economic equality, are all interrelated. I believe that to meet the challenges of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. Each of us must learn to work not just for one self, one's own family or one's nation, but for the benefit of all humankind. Universal responsibility is the best foundation for world peace."

It may be beneficial to have a conversation with the RHD and review your experiences at Court.  Face-to-face, the two of you can dialog about your perceptions and misperceptions, and come to new understandings of the issues which are less impassioned at this distance. You both may find some learning and some healing that will be of value as you move on in your careers and lives.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Alaska,

Work hard now and save your money.  Get a good tent and campstove, and learn all you can about wilderness survival. Learn about camp cooking, what foods are lightweight to carry, and nutritious and caloric. Do you know how to fish? There are Forest Service cabins you can stay in for short periods, for a small fee, but they are remote. Alaska is a land of pioneers and rugged individualists. You can go it on your own if you're serious.  Do take lots of mosquito repellant, bug nets, a wool shirt and waterproof boots. And given all of that, there are bears who are also trying to survive, so you need to bearproof your food (and toothpaste) whenever you leave it.

I hope you can find some people who've been there and can advise you further.  Ask the local librarian for travel guides and travelogues. Perhaps some of the staff in C.O.E. (Cornell Outdoor Education) can share some wisdom.  Good luck!

Uncle Ezra