- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
Is there a Master Gardening Program in New York City affiliated with Cornell?
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Charlie Mazza, Leader of the Home Grounds and Community Horticulture Program (including the Master Gardener Program for New York State), says that there is currently no Master Gardener Program in NYC. The staff there is talking about reinstituting it (after not having a program there since 1986), however, if that were to happen, it would not be at least until 2005. In the meantime, we refer people who are interested in a horticultural volunteer program to the botanic gardens in NYC (there are locations in Queens, Brooklyn, the Bronx and Staten Island), the Horticultural Society of NY in Manhattan, and the Green Guerillas in Manhattan. I hope you find what you need.
Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ez,
Would you know what the line:
"You been out ridin’ fences for so long now"
from the song Desperado by Eagles means?
Later on, it says:
"Come down from your fences, open the gate"
What does it mean to be 'out riding fences'? Is it about indecisiveness?
thanks for clearing this up for me :)
Dear rhinestone cowboy,
Are the days of riding the ranges really so far from our collective conscious? If you owned a ranch and your fortune, or next year's room and board, was tied up in your cattle, you'd want to fence them in until you drove them to market in Kansas. Your ranch would be quite large, due to low rainfall and the need for a lot of grazing land,
and so you would need to continually ride the perimeter and make sure your fences were in good condition. I would say it speaks of decisiveness- I think of fences as boundaries, making it very clear about what is in what is out, and what belongs on which side. The gate, of course, is the correct way in. Could it be about letting someone into your heart? Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 3 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ezra,
Where on campus can I borrow a digital camera to take pictures of this beautiful spring scenery?
Dear photographer,
Ask your friends. If you live in a dorm, the RA or RhD should be able to help you make some connections. Make sure you get out to the waterfalls, see the wildflowers (Plantations at Forest Home bridge below Vet School, Mulholland at Giles Road just before bridge) and share it with a friend (maybe one with a camera). Have fun. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have an uncomfortable feeling just at the back of my leg behind my right knee,
it feels like a bubbly type of feeling sometimes, and discomfort when i sit down, with the pressure of the chair on it where your leg bends, or when i press it, there are no veins or marks there, but if i stretch my leg the veins round that area seem hard and tight, what could that be? I am a 47yr old female.
Jenny D
Dear Jenny,
It would be best for you to see a medical practitioner if this feeling is uncomfortable. I hope you find that everything is ok. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I was wondering... both my parents don't have a single hair on their arms and besides my dad, my mom naturally doesn't have a single hair on her legs either. A friend of my mom's mentioned to me how her pre-teen daughter wanted to start shaving her legs, and she brought up the same situation. I am a girl and I only have very slight, thin light hairs growing on my arms that a regular person wouldn't really notice unless they looked closer, and also on my thin hair on my legs. My friend's mom pondered if it was because the adults were raised in Asia where the diet is different, as opposed to us kids raised in America. Is the hair growth genetic or just because of our environment? If it's genetic, how come it skipped over our parents? Its bizarre since both my parents are pretty hairless.
Dear hairless,
This is a genetic characteristic, although certain drugs may cause hair loss. I'm not sure what you mean by it skipping over your parents, since you say both your parents and yourself have little hair.
You might be interested in the article at http://www.economist.com/science/displayStory.cfm?story_id=2281888. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 6 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
Why do fingernails grow faster than toenails?
Dear inquirer,
If you type "Why do fingernails grow faster than toenails" into Google, you'll get the same answers we would get. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 7 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have been told by my dentist that i have TMD as a result of grinding my teeth at night. he has made me an acrylic splint to wear at night to prevent this happening. The pain is agonising and is not lessening. Hot drinks cause excrutiating pain - as does chewing. What can I do to help myself - apart from giving up food and drink!
Dear in pain,
This is really a dental problem. If you are not using pain relievers such as ibuprofen, you should be. Your dentist may want to prescribe a muscle relaxant at night. If you've been wearing the dental appliance and things are not improving in a week or two, or if they are worse in any way, contact the dentist. An oral surgeon or a dentist who specializes in temporomandibular joint disease might be able to help you out. I hope you are soon relieved. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 8 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
Re:
Tuesday Jan 27th Question 17 regarding "CAAAN Interviews".
Oh Unc!! As a CAAAN volunteer and chair I cringed- the mantra for quite some time has been "don't call it an interview!!!!!"
I'm going to ask Laurie Koehler to contact you - can you replace that answer?? (I get lots of email from Laurie and can't imagine she drafted that!)
Of course however- I am still a huge fan and your best niece!!!
Dear CAAA Volunteer,
I will print your response and your letter will come up in archive searches. I hope you got a hold of Laurie and got things straightened out on that end. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 9 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hi Uncle Ezra,
I stored some of my stuff with this storage company "Smart Choice Storage" and I have been for the past years that I have been in Cornell. However, since I went abroad this semester, I left all my stuff there for two sessions, the past summer and this semester. Since the semester is coming to an end, and soon I will return back, so I wanted to reach them to set up a pick up date. However, their website nor their phone is working. The website doesnt exist anymore and the phone is disconnected. I am really worried as to what happended to my stuff. I would really love to get them back. It has alot of my cornell memories of the past. Uncle Ezra, how do I go about finding them and my stuff? I know an individual's name that is associated with Smart Choice Storage and I still have the contract. Please help me!
The Really Really Worried
Dear RRW,
That company was the enterprise of our former Vice-President's son. Look up Barry Palmer in the phone book or on the web. The Chamber of Commerce is a good resource for business contacts, or other similar companies may know who you're looking for. Good luck. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 10 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
dear uncle ezra,
my name is flavia a name from the roman empire,
am a girl what does my name mean
Dear Flavia,
Your name is derived from the Latin surname Flavius and is taken in turn from the adjective flavius, "blond, with blond hair." Your Name Day/Onomastico is May 7—in memory of St. Flavia, 1st-century martyr. It is a pretty name, I hope you like it. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 11 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
DUE,
Q8 5/11. I didn't feel like your response was very helpful. I was wondering if anyone in FA/SE was even spoken to about this problem. It is obvious that this person has already done the things you said and is still getting "the campus run around" within one office. I know that there isn't THAT much turn around in the office to be treated this way. This isn't the first student I have heard this problem with either. If you can't get a response by e-mail, phone or in person what is one supposed to do. It seems to me that the Management needs to have a serious talk with it's employees about customer service and professionalism. There are some who care over there but they can't do everyone else's job. I could understand if this happened for 1 year but for 3, that's just ridiculous.
Dear student,
I have passed the comments on to the FA office director. If each person who had a difficult experience would write a letter, clearly stating their experience and feelings, the numbers might make a difference in the response. It is hard to advocate well for yourself, but you find that you can learn diplomacy through the exercise. And you may help many others. Use snail mail to be sure it gets through. Then use the same process to let your legislators know how you feel about important issues. Write a letter to the editor occasionally. And don't forget to vote. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 12 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
DUE,
I was the one who asked the question about the old keg at Dunbars a few weeks ago. My question was then mentioned again in Question 20 of May 25. As I have already complained to you for failing to answer the question I asked, and as I now see that at least one other reader has been irked by your failure to answer me, I am asking you again to please answer my question. If you don't remember it, you can look it up in your archives. Please don't continue to dissapoint your faithful readers by avoiding some of our questions or by choosing to answer the questions you wish we'd asked instead of the ones taht truely interest us.
Dear Reader, I'm sorry you feel frustrated at not being able to obtain the information you seek as quickly as you'd like. What is most important is how we handle our feelings in such a situation. Developing patience and the ability to find alternate paths to our goals are ways to hone skills that will be useful the rest of your life. You will always find situations about which you want to complain. How you express that dissatisfaction will determine whether you get closer to or farther from your goal. Blaming others for your frustration or limitations in coming up with resources is not a good way to handle your feelings. Take responsibility for getting your needs met and develop a larger repertoire of coping skills for your frustrations. Accept lines as they are drawn with grace and respect. We are grateful that our website designers have made the archives accessible to all, so that readers may find information at the click of a mouse, rather than waiting for old Uncle Ezra to provide a response in time (if ever). Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 13 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I am in search of a way to order a Cayuga's Waiters' live track recording of 'Maintaining the Illusion' recorded on March 11, 1989. Any thoughts about how to order and/or purchase this music. I lost the tape and would like to purchase a compact disc of this event.
Thank you,
Wil, '93
Dear Wil,
They are an extraordinary sound, and a must to see! At http://www.cayugaswaiters.com/new/music.php you will find it: "Over the last 53+ years, we've amassed quite a collection of recordings. We have live cds, studio cds, cds that your parents bought as records 40 years ago, and even a cd of alumni singing at the party that was Spring Fever 25. All albums recorded before Channel Zero have been remastered and put onto cd for your listening." Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 14 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
Why is it that everyone asks questions about sex or realationships? I believe that you are not a sex doctor or anything like that,
also if people are having troubles questions or anything about sex they shouldnt have it.I guess my point is this site should be for academic ?'s not a porn site for the dumb,where is this world going?
Dear where,
The posting last week was a "category" posting in which I assemble questions from the year around a specific topic. Most sexual health questions are answered by our sexuality counselor at Gannett Health Center. Many people have questions about sex and many have some difficulties for various reasons. I am happy to provide an anonymous service where they can feel free to ask questions and get good answers without going to porn sites. Some questions may not be perfectly worded, but that, also, is not a requirement of the site.
Since our academic information is available through departments and advisors, Dear Uncle Ezra entertains all types of questions that all types of people may have. Please feel free to skip over any offensive material.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 15 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
What exactly is the DeMolay Order?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 16 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
What does misdeamenor means?
Dear Miss D.Menor,
Dictionary.com says it is a misdeed, or in law, an offense less serious than a felony. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 17 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I often find myself paralyzed by violent/angry thoughts. While I'm having these thoughts I suppose I enjoy them – but at other times I wish I wouldn't have them, and that I weren't so angry about things. I’ve tried thinking rationally about the things that set me off. Sometimes I end up with a hopeful, optimistic outlook, and resolve to not think like this anymore, and other times I just end up justifying my psychology to myself. Recently I’ve been think that some kind of counseling might be in order – but I suspect that psychologists have an obligation to report potential violence, and I’m not sure where I would fall with regards to this. I definitely don’t think that I am, or could actually be, a violent person – I’ve never act out violently. In fact I’m probably unusually passive. Still, is there any way I can approach counseling about this kind of this that won’t end with me being committed to counseling, or something to that effect?
- Probablyinneedofhelp
Dear Probablyinneedofhelp,
If you are feeling the need for help, you are probably right. If you are passive, you may be fantasizing strong action to counterbalance your inaction. Or you may be unable to titrate from passive to aggressive with a gradation of assertive action.
We are a stimulation-seeking society, and sex and violence are two of the primary images out there for those who seek this type of enjoyment. Violence is on the net, on TV, in movies, in magazines as well as in much of reality. Initially, these images may help you to feel that your anger is being addressed, acknowledged and vicariously expressed. However, these images take on a life of their own as they feed your anger, and you feel more aroused rather than more at peace.
Disciplining yourself to stay away from arousing material takes a firm resolve to change. Thinking violent or sexual thoughts can be like a drug, as the thoughts stimulate your brain to release certain neurochemicals.
Counseling could help you get support for changing your thoughts, and could help input more benevolent images. You can start doing this process by putting yourself on a media diet. Initially you may not be interested in non-violent movies or literature, but you can train yourself. Counseling can help you by coaching you to stay with your plan and reminding you of your goals.
A counselor's requirement to report intended violent acts, a ruling from the Tarasoff case in which a patient committed murder after reporting his intention, depends on several aspects of the patient's plan. You can discuss this with your counselor and he or she will tell you specifically how your case does or does not fit the mandated reporting laws. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 18 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
Hi. I've graduated Cornell about two years ago,
and I'm having lots of problems. The field that I loved when being there (computer science) is not at all as I expected it to be. To sum up my job: I use the skills I've learned in the first year of school. Everything after that has been a waste of time, as far as my job demands are concerned (by the way, thanks for teaching me all that crap). So far, I do taks that are simple, time-consuming, unrewarding, and a pain in the butt in general. I am extremely unhappy.
I work for one of the best companies in the entire field (so I've heard), which leads me to believe that this is probably the most interesting job in that field. This belief is further confirmed by my internships while at Cornell (believe it - they were even more uninteresting. why i stayed in the major, i have no idea.)
I've already went to therapy for depression, and am taking medication. It is helping, but something is missing.
Everyone says how I have lots of potential, how I'm young, and how I can go to a different job and do all these things. I don't know if they're kidding, are idiots, or are just saying things. Certainly, they aren't helping; instead, I feel more infuriated after those speeches. I feel I have no real options.
Each morning (other than weekends that I don't have to work), I wake up asking myself why I woke up. I don't have an answer to that question.
Oddly enough, every career placement, personality, and aptitude test I've taken suggests I work in an engineering field requiring technical and analytical skills. I'm sick and tired of looking for this field which I'm supposed to be passionate about. I've went to school for 16 years, plus two years of work. 18 years is enough already.
Concerning spiritual stuff (which I'm sure is what the answer will be): I'm a devout atheist. I do not believe in a soul. I believe people who subscribe any kind of religion or believe in the supernatural are plain deluded.
I've read every article I could find about depression, happiness, stress, etc. All say that I need to change myself in some way. Only one problem - the solution they propose is to change myself to adapt to the imperfect situation I'm at. I interpret that to mean, "No, your situation isn't really bad, you just don't know that." Yeah, right.
Please give me some practical advice that doesn't involve me deluding myself. The situation I'm at is not good. Period. No, I cannot change my perception of the situation. I don't see any positives in it because there are none, not because I'm not seeing it correctly. Also, please don't tell me how I'm ahead of everyone else and how it could be a lot worse. I do not care. My future is this: work fifty years, retire (and maybe enjoy myself for two years or so), die. The fact that some people have it worse is of no consequence. Honestly, I'd rather die sooner than later if that's the only option.
Dear alum,
I'm sorry for the dissatisfaction you are experiencing. You are right, that I might offer the same suggestions as you have found yourself. You do need to live a whole life - not just work - but play, love, rest and enjoyment of the nonrational parts of yourself.
It is hard to carry on relationships when you are in such a negative state, because others don't want to be brought down by your mood. If you went to a health club or joined a hiking group, you could participate in activities with others and get to know them in positive settings. Perhaps there is a singles dinner group or interest group you could join.
The world does not often meet our expectations. Nor do we meet other's expectations of us. Rather, we must find ways to peacefully coexist. We must hold that peace within ourselves as well as between ourselves.
You did leave Cornell prepared to offer a lot to the world. You may want to consider starting your own business which will allow you to sail full speed ahead. Your contacts in your present workplace will be important, so don't burn bridges. Or, you can look around for a better fit. Technical skills go hand in hand with good interpersonal skills, often not taught in required courses. These you will need to pick up as you work with others and learn patience and tolerance.
You can set your course and wake up each morning ready to make progress toward it, even if the progress is merely staying afloat during the storms you are experiencing. Sometimes, in order to keep from sinking, you must sacrifice speed and even seek safe harbor for a while. Where and how you find that port in a storm depends on how you can make use of your present resources.
I encourage you to continue to get professional help if for nothing more than someone to share your point of view with. You might also try expressing yourself through art - photography, poetry, journaling, painting or sculpting. I hope things are soon looking sunnier to you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 19 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hi,
So my roommate has been doing lots of coke in the apartment lately, and brings home strange people from town (generally of the crack-head variety: uneducated, selling drugs, thick accents, with kids of whom their fatherly duties go unfulfilled) who I wake up to find in the living room smoking cigarettes or doing lines of coke. Last night I told her I am going to sleep early and could she please keep it down if she has friends over. She had a bunch of loud friends over anyway who all smoked in the living room. So I called her on her cell phone at 1:30 am and asked her not to bring a bunch of people home and not to smoke in the living room. I woke up at 7 to find a crowd of people smoking in the living room along with said stranger from town. There is currently cocaine dust on my kitchen table. As her friends were leaving they were paying the stranger for the coke. Apparently he is their dealer.
This sort of scenerio has been going on a couple of months now. I have finally found a new place to move into, and luckily I am moving next week. However, I am wondering what I could have done differently to prevent this blatant disrespect of my living space.
In the past, I have been yelled at and/or bullied by roommates in order for them to get me to do whatever it is they want me to do. Am I supposed to act like this with other people? Usually I just try to be polite and ask nicely. I find it hard to yell at people I have some level of rapport with. I can easily make a fuss with strangers, for example, if I feel I am being ripped off, I have no problem being assertive and asking to speak to the highest level of authority and will press the issue till it is sorted out. However, in personal relationships I have no idea how to get what I need. From my experience, asking nicely doesn't seem to work. But I don't have it in me to be a b**ch, and I don't want confrontation. What should I do?
Oh, and I am also wondering if I am supposed to report whats going on to someone, like in school or the police or something. What if she were to get caught when I was in the apartment? Would I get in trouble too?
Thanks Ez,
Bullied Neice
Dear Bullied Niece,
I'm sorry you've had this experience, and I hope your next roommate is a gem. You can screen roommates with just a few questions about drugs, sexual behavior and cleanliness. If you don't ask, you may seem to be willing to put up with anything. At the first sign of differences in opinion as to what is acceptable, you need to find a way to start a conversation about boundaries.
If confrontation is hard for you, pick up a book on assertiveness and practice a few "I" statements to help you start out. You have a perfect right (that is the name of a book) to making rules for your living space, and for formulating your own standards of living. Now that you know that each person has a different preference with this, you can respect other persons' rights, and agree on rules before they become problems.
Someone yelling at you is abuse, or at the very least, poor communication skills. If you put up with this once, you invite further insult. Once is too much. Do you do things you don't want to or don't believe in? You may need to clarify your personal boundaries to yourself and then make them very clear to others.
If the behavior occurred in a dorm, talk to the RA. Any illegal behavior is reportable, and you may be responsible for "coke dust" on your kitchen table.
The Tompkins County Task Force for Battered Women is a good resource for help on bullying behavior, 277-3203 or Crisis Line 277-5000. Take good care of yourself. Uncle Ezra - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Question 20 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have been married for 17 years. We have always gone to the gym together. My husband gets all testosterony when we are at the gym. He starts to abuse me with words and actions. I now work at a gym for the past 2 years. He hasnt been abusive at this gym because everyone knows and likes me. When we were at other gyms he was always in the spotlight and would hardly even let me speak. I may have to leave my gym and my job. We may be leaving to another gym. How do I avoid or discourage him from being so mean to me at the new gym? He is not much of a "feelings" type guy,
so I want to know exactly how to say this without being sentimental. I dont want to end my marraige over this but it is a huge problem for me. Thank you Karla
Dear Karla,
Your husband's abuse has little to do with his testosterone. He may be showing off, and that comes from his own feelings of competition and low self-esteem around younger men (or women) in the gym. Not only does he not impress people, but he will make them feel uncomfortable. He is lacking in respect, communication skills and character. "Feelings type" or otherwise, it is never ok to be abuse in words or actions.
Pick up Patricia Evans' "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and study it. The next time your husband (or anyone) is disrespectful to you, let them know how you feel ("I don't like being spoken to that way") and what you expect ("Please don't use that language, etc."). Pick up other books on assertive communication and practice in front of a mirror. A group may also help you and give you support for holding the line.
Speaking up for yourself does not have to end a marriage. Marriages grow and change and develop just as people do. If you don't work on making your relationship one that you feel good about, your marriage will die, whether you end it or not. You have many good years left in which you and your husband can enjoy one another and life. Make them the best years of your lives.
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