Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Dear presidential historian,

If you are talking undergraduate degrees, our fair friends in Cambridge (Harvard) take the prize for educating the most U.S. Presidents, with William and Mary and Yale not far behind. But more U.S. Presidents didn't attend college, nine in all (Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, Johnson, Cleveland-either time, and Truman), than attended any one of those schools. No U.S. Presidents attended Cornell University, although several have visited here. But if we're making comparisons, Ford attended Michigan -a fellow land grant college, and Madison and Wilson both attended rival Ivy, Princeton, but that was back when it was called the College of New Jersey.

And while we're on the subject of U.S. Presidents, happy birthdays go out to George Washington (February 22) and Abraham Lincoln (February 12). And did you know that Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States, was born just one county over, in the town of Locke, New York? If you enjoy Presidential history and trivia there are a host of neat sites on the web, you might start with http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/.

Finally, do you know Cornell's women in Washington? Ruth Bader Ginsberg '54, was the first tenured female professor at Columbia before being appointed to the Supreme Court, and Janet Reno '60 was the first female U.S. Attorney General.

Uncle Ezra

due,
I am trying to get a chanel no.5 perfume but am confused over all the different types of it available. what are the differences between parfum, eau de parfum, elixir, and eau de toilette?
confused

Dear No. 5,

Our olfactory sense is often overlooked as a means of communicating and of making meaning. A fragrance can stimulate a powerful memory, and can initiate a new memory. Do you remember grandmother's cedar chest or mom's lavender soap? How about the earthy smell of the woodshop or the pungent machine shop?

The major difference in fragrance types is the concentration of fragrance oils in the product. Typically, the higher the concentration of oils in the product, the longer lasting the scent -and higher the price. If you are looking for a scent that lasts all day, you might choose the parfum, or if you are looking for a light scent to splash on after a shower, but are not concerned that it may be gone in a few hours, the eau de toilette may be best for you. I recommend clicking here to read an excellent explanation of fragrances from ivillage.com, or check out Cardiff's Tim Jacob's in-depth scientific tutorial at http://www.cf.ac.uk/biosi/staff/jacob/teaching/sensory/olfact1.html. You can also visit the Chanel website (http://www.chanel.com) for their explanation of Chanel No. 5 fragrance types.

Why not visit the Chanel counter at your favorite department store, assuming you can avoid the "mad-spritzers" posed with perfume bottles at the building entrances! An in-person visit will give you the opportunity to test the different types of fragrance on your very individual body and to consult with the counter professionals to further assist in your purchase decision. Happy spritzing.

Uncle Ezra

Uncle Ezra,
Is there such thing as black gold? I'm not referring to oil. I'm talking about gold that is literally black. How does it become that way? Thanks.

Dear Fools Gold,

Black gold is the stuff that is as valuable as gold, as sought after and as fought after. It is oil.

Nickel can be mixed with gold to create a white (gray) color, palladium is used to create white gold alloys, copper is added to make gold-colored alloys, but additional copper creates pink and rose tones--the more copper, the deeper the effect, and greenish shades are created by adding silver to gold. South Dakota Black Hills Gold jewelry uses 10K or 12K gold alloys in shades of yellow, pink, rose, and green.

Love Over Gold -Dire sTraits

You walk out on the high wire
you're a dancer on thin ice
you pay no heed to the danger
and less to advice
your footsteps are forbidden
but with a knowledge of your sin
you throw your love to all the strangers
and caution to the wind

And you go dancing through doorways
just to see what you will find
leaving nothing to interfere
with the crazy balance of your mind
and when you finally reappear
at the place where you came in
you've thrown your love to all the strangers
and caution to the wind

It takes love over gold
and mind over matter
to do what you do that you must
when the things that you hold
can fall and be shattered
or run through your fingers like dust.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Why are some fire hydrants on campus red and some black? On the Ag quad there is one of each right next to one another

Dear Uncle Ezra,
While I'd like to commend the University for the excellent Cornell webmail system, I was just wondering about one thing. The option to change color schemes is all very nice but how come there is no option for Cornell red and white? I can get blue, green, purple, pink, you name it, but no red. How am I supposed to show my e-school spirit?

Regards,
Red Student

Dear Uncle Ezra,
My son is a brother in Beta Theta Pi. I need the address of his fraternity. Why else? To send Brownies. What is it? And how can I get it without searching the internet for 40 minutes without success?

A well meaning parent.

Dear Uncle Ezra,
in reply to Q 1 Feb 17th :
I am a guy who had such an experience - without the "idiot" part. I had a gf who had some reasons not to enjoy sex and it was quite painful, although I understood her thoroughly. She was (is) an amazing person, but I decided to break up after a very short time, and it was the right thing to do.
Each of us found a different s.a. and our lives went on well.

  As for the girl who wrote Q1, saying that they had a good  relationship but also saying to her bf that he's an idiot, I believe that both of them have some problems ... I hope for their own good that they will end it asap. Mutual respect is crucial in a relationship.

  Anyway, the email is really funny. First is the mistake
( girl, learn some English ), then, you guys are together for 2 years and not had sex ... here I suspect that Uncle modified the email - perhaps is like 6 mo or so, and finally - he asked for sex - as well as other things ... what ?!

Dear Uncle Ezra,
My problem is that i am married with kids. I really find my boss attracive and we do tend to flirt a little with each other. Recently i find my self having sex dreams about him 2 or 3 times a week. What does this mean?

Dear uncle,
My gf and I have been together for a while now (over 5 yrs).  We’ve lived together for the past 4 and usually things are peachy, we usually agree on stuff and hardly ever argue.  The other day though, we had a rehash of an old argument, which has been bothering me.

Basically, she says that I “flirt” with other women, and it really hurts her when she sees me doing it and that it is very inconsiderate of me.  She says that I don’t treat everyone the same way, that there are some women in particular that I flirt with and the others I treat normally, so she is convinced that I’m attracted to these women and that I might one day cheat on her or leave her.  She says it makes her feel awful inside, and embarrassed if we are in company.  She is very sensitive to this because her parents got divorced when she was very young after an infidelity.  My parents were also divorced, but there was no infidelity involved.

Now, from my perspective, I’m not “flirting”, at least not with the intention of it going anywhere.  This is just my mode of communicating.  I like to tease and joke around and I like to make bawdy comments and use sexual innuendo.   And if it seems I am attracted to some in particular and do this sort of thing more with them, I am in a sense, because those are the people who get/appreciate my sense of humor.  We’re on the same wavelength, so to speak.  I’m not going to make a sideways comment to someone who’s not going to “get it” or will take it the wrong way.  I will interact this way with someone regardless of their gender, but I admit I talk more easily with women.  The ironic thing is that a big part of why my gf and I are attracted to each other is our mutually compatible senses of humor.  So, she likes me for the very same mode of communication that she gets upset about when I use it with others.

Now, it’s understandable that you are more intimate, etc. with your partner.  And it’s true that my “flirting” is an intimacy thing, but it’s not about sexual attraction or anything like that.  It’s just about fun and ease of communication and camaraderie.  I like to get a laugh or a smile from the person I’m talking to.  I would like to be respectful of my gf’s feelings and not hurt them, but it’s hard to turn off the brain.  Usually in a conversation, a funny (in my opinion) thing to say will just pop into my head, and I will say it.  I guess that who I’m talking to subconsciously influences what I think.  If I’m talking with a friend that I know appreciates bawdy humor, my mind will be more attuned to coming up with those kinds of jokes.  If I’m talking with a friend with a more puritanical bent, I’m unlikely to think of and say something racy.

I guess if I train myself, I could wait a second or two before every sentence and determine if it’s passable, but can you imagine talking to someone who inserts a pregnant pause between every sentence, while they decide if it will offend their partner?  I think it would be easier for me just to keep my big mouth shut and say nothing.

But when I try and tell my gf all this, it seems to fall on deaf ears.  Basically, I’m hurting her by doing it, she would never to it to me, and if I love her (which I do) I wouldn’t do it to her.  When she hears it, she feels awful inside and embarrassed, she worries that I’ll fall in love with someone else and leave her.  Oh, and “she’s not trying to change me.”

But, she IS trying to change me, and in a way that seems likely to backfire.  I have no intention of leaving her, and I love her dearly.  But I think it is very important to have friends that you can comfortably communicate with.  If I change the way I communicate (if that’s even possible) with those people I’m comfortable with,
then those relationships will fall back to being the standard more mundane relationship that I have with other friends that I am less in tune with.  And if that happens and I feel I have no close friendships anymore, I imagine I may grow to resent my gf, and want to leave her, lest I feel stifled.

She asks me how I would feel if she made some similar bawdy comment to one of her/our male friends in front of me.  I told her I would think it funny (as intended) and not be at all upset.  I feel secure in our relationship and trust her implicitly.  I told her that it hurts me that she believes that I would even be interested in pursuing another.  She just says, “it happens”, that her parents loved each other dearly when they got married,
and look what happened.

I really don’t want to start this argument with her again.  I also don’t want to have a worried and suspicious gf, and I really don’t want to suppress the sort of free, fun conversations I can have with friends who “get it”.  I’ll certainly try and be more careful when she’s in earshot, so I don’t offend her, but I’m sure to slip up.  The mouth speaks before the brain analyzes.  Where’s the middle ground?

After we had made up from our argument (which didn’t really have any resolution), I thought I could sneakily show her what it was like, how ridiculous it would be, if I stifled my propensity for making jokes.  But I don’t seem to have the will power or ability to do that even with the intention of making a point with her.  And if I can’t even do that when I’m thinking hard about it, how will I do it in casual conversation with friends.

Is it a lost cause?  Am I just doomed to offend her and have her get upset with me from time to time?  Is there a way to make her understand my point of view?  Or am I really in the wrong here and I should get with the program.

I’m conflicted Ezra.  And I know I’ve rambled and repeated myself a bit in this missive.  I hope you can offer some advice to this troubled nephew.

Thanks for your help.

-Flirt

Dear Flirt,

Did you know that there are workshops and books on "how to flirt"? Flirting is a social skill, a way of playfully developing a reciprocal communication that establishes an easy and friendly bond. You are lucky to have this skill.

Having good boundaries and being able to resist temptation is a completely separate issue. If this is the issue your girlfriend is having trouble with, perhaps keeping it clearly in focus will help "save" the flirting from contamination.

The truth of being human is that there is always a time when temptation is great, either because you are vulnerable for some reason (alone, suffering a loss) or because the temptation is so strong (someone who can push your buttons just so). You can work very hard to have clear boundaries and to be able to say "no" if someone does try to take flirtation in an unintended and undesired direction. Make sure that when you say no you mean it, and close the door.

You could make a pact that if you should start to feel things slipping, you will let your girlfriend know ASAP so you can discuss it. You may need some things from her, such as an open and caring treatment of your feelings and your freedom. In turn, she can commit to working on her fears and history to let go of old baggage. She may profit from a discussion with her parent(s), a counselor or support group.

I hope that you can both commit to working on yourselves and make this relationship stronger. Your issues are important and natural feelings to come up as you work toward deeper intimacy and trust. I wish you the best.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
what does novis ordo seclorum and annuit coepits really mean

Dear curious,

At http://www.masoncode.com/The%20Great%20Seal.htm you can read that: The phrase 'Annuit Coeptis' is derived from Virgil and is usually translated as 'He favours our undertakings'. The motto has been traced to Virgil, the renowned Roman poet who lived in the first century B.C. – to a line in his Eclogue IV, the pastoral poem that expresses the longing of the world for a new era of peace and happiness."

"Magnus ab integro seclorum nascitur ordo." Virgil's line has been translated in different ways, including: The great series of ages begins anew. The ages' mighty march begins anew. A mighty order of ages is born anew. The majestic roll of circling centuries begins anew. "Novus" means: new, young, fresh, novel. "Ordo" means: series, row, order. "Seclorum, a shortened form of seculorum (sæculorum), is the plural of seculum (sæculum), means: generations, centuries, ages.

Put the phrase in the context of the times in which it was chosen. You can imagine that the true meaning was to wish the new nation well. Do you think the blessing has conferred grace on the nation as it has developed?

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I am a first year law student, at a lesser known university than Cornell, although I graduated from Cornell in May of Last year. My question revolves around my grades at law school this past semester. Because I moved across the country to attend law school and also the law school was my safety school, I perceived the school to be below what kind of school I should be at. Although I am confident I can bring my grades up, many people, non-staff or professors have gotten me worried. They have said that employers will look at my resume badly because I came from such a high name school, Cornell to a lesser known, regional University in Florida. Is this true? That coming from a top-name university to a lesser-known law school will work in my detriment? Or will having Cornell on my resume continue to look good no matter what? Please give me some advice on this. Thanks, AluminLaw

Dear AluminLaw,

Congratulations to you on making it through your first semester of law school, and for finding an educational path that you are excited to pursue. I am sorry that your first semester (academically) was not as successful as you hoped for, but pat yourself on the back for resolving to do better and for investigating the options available to you to make the most of your academic and professional careers.

Receiving your Cornell degree is a wonderful accomplishment and one that no one will take away. However, in any profession, one must always demonstrate their skills and not rely on their laurels to carry them forever. John DeRosa, assistant dean of students in the Cornell Law School, advises you not to worry about continuing your education at a regional university after attending Cornell. Many well-qualified students choose a regional university for a myriad of reasons (including proximity to family or financial aid packages).

Regardless where you go to school or what you choose to pursue, your grades can be a determining factor for future employers evaluating prospective employees. Improving your grades is certainly the first step and it sounds like you're working on that already. But what if you're not able to get them as high as you hope? There are many steps you can take to meet your career goals. Dean DeRosa advises you to first identify where you want to go (type of law, firm, service). When you have identified your goals, work with your professors, career services staff, and law school alumni to help you build a network to meet those goals. Yes, the large law firms tend to scrutinize grades, but many graduates find opportunities at small or mid-size law firms doing virtually the same work. If it's truly your dream to work at a large firm, demonstrating your work somewhere first may help you get there. Dean DeRosa also recommends clerkships as a way to build your resume and networks. Many regional law schools have excellent connections with state and local legal systems. Finally, if you're able to get your grades up, and think that you can find the time to work, many small and mid-size law firms can utilize 2nd and 3rd year law students (which may later lead to job opportunities) particularly in large legal communities.

Good luck with the rest of your studies. Whether you are a law student, high school student, or anywhere in between, employers and admissions counselors alike, are looking for students with demonstrated success. Demonstrate your creativity in how you find ways to showcase your skills.

Uncle Ezra

Uncle,
I am from Long Island, which seems to be a popular breeding ground for Cornell. Besides the fact that we speak funny, drive expensive cars, travel in packs, dress alike, and constantly rank in the top of our classes why does Long Island get such a bad rap? Interestingly enough, when I tell people from other colleges that I am from Long Island they also nod there heads in disapproval. Proof that this hatred is not just localized to Cornell. Why does Long Island perturb people? Is it envy? Or do we rub people the wrong way. To answer this question I would like you to conduct a scientific survey using the most advanced statistical tools possible. Qualitative data is also encouraged. Anything less will leave me, and my distressed Long Islanders without sufficient closure.

Proud to be from Long Island

Dear proud,

New York is a large state, bottom (south)-heavy population-wise. It makes sense that there would be home-town friends who migrate north for education and enlightenment. You speak in stereotypes, and that may be what you see or experience. Are you sure that a head nod means disapproval? Of what? Have you addressed it with the head-nodders? Perhaps they just want to seem in-the-know about such a popular place.

Be careful not to take your body-language interpretation too far. Hatred is not disapproval is not stereotyping. People may feel a little mistrustful of stangers at first, but a positive attitude can warm up the interactions.

Have you seen that famous New Yorker magazine poster of a New Yorker's view of the world? The poster portrays Manhattan in the center, with the 5 boroughs, Long Island, Westchester, and Northern New Jersey as the "fringe", and anything beyond that as being the ends of the earth! But seriously, there is a fine line between playful humor and hurtful statements.

Will you be looking for a senior project or thesis, or perhaps a class project? Your survey idea would be a good one, and I hope that you lead by example and in doing so, can change the negative stereotypes that some folks may have of Long Island residents. And on a lighter note, you may find a source of pride in reading this list of "You know you are from Long Island when..." at http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/22909.html.

Uncle Ezra