Dear Girlfriend,

The solution to your question all depends on exactly what the problem is.  If what you need are topics to talk about, you can refer to things that happen in life.  The best way to prepare is to keep a journal.  Each night take some time to reflect on the day in writing.  Besides describing what happened, include your feelings, thoughts, and wishes.

Other topics for conversation might come from things you read: a news article that startled or amused you, a book that had you riveted, a bumper sticker that you found funny.  Maybe you attended a lecture or movie or concert that got you thinking about something you could discuss with him.  Do you need a little more spice in your life?  Try something new, do something daring, explore a dream.  Write about your thoughts and experiences in the journal as a way to prepare for a conversation.

But maybe the problem stems from an insecurity in the relationship with your boyfriend, maybe you feel inferior and are afraid to express your opinions about things.  If so, a discussion about how you feel and what you see going on, might break the ice.

And then another possibility is that the two of you really don't have enough in common to sustain the relationship.  That's something only the two of you can figure out.

There are also some people who are just not phone talkers.  If you find that you both do just fine when you are together, face-to-face, don't push the phone conversations and use the phone just to arrange times to get together.

Good luck and have fun.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Exclusive,

UX refers to a grade of unsatisfactory in a class offered exclusively on an S/U basis, i.e. letter grades are not an option. Although PE has the most instances of classes being offered as S/U only, other departments may offer courses as S/U only. One of the most popular classes offered S/U only is H ADM 430 - Introduction to Wines.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Career-confused,

Glad to hear that you haven't waited til the last minute and have the year to think this one through.  Choosing a career can be a very difficult process, but remember that it is a process and not just one single decision.

Fifty years ago, people in the United States got into the mind set that you chose a career (or even a company) and stayed there until retirement.  This is no longer true, as there is a lot of flexibility to combine interests into a "perfect" job, or to change positions or careers along the way as your expertise and needs change.  I myself, Ezra Cornell, was a carpenter, potter, farmer, public works engineer, communications entrepreneur, and then founder of this university.  But back to you.

In order for your direction to be the right one for you, you will need to continue engaging in the process of exploring your options.  One way to do that is to do research on what the two careers will be like.  Interview people in those positions to learn more about them.  Make an appointment with Cornell Career Services, 103 Barnes Hall, 5-5221.  They provide a wide range of services to help students reach decisions on majors and careers.  They could also help you find an internship or lead you through their career- information library, which might lead to greater clarity.

It might also help to talk to those people who think it would be a mistake to change schools: hear their thoughts and let them know your needs, goals and dreams.

Remember that it is your life and you must make the decision that is right for you after you weigh all of the information that you gather.

If you need a great sounding board along the way, feel free to contact EARS for free, confidential  and immediate counseling by phone or walk-in, 5-EARS or 211 Willard Straight Hall. 

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Potential Dean's List,

The GPA requirement for Dean's list in AAP is 3.5 with the additional conditions: "The Dean's List is calculated approximately two weeks after each term. Students who complete a course load of at least 12 credits with letter grades and rank within the upper ten percent of their class (generally meaning a grade point average of 3.50 or above), will be placed on the Dean's List of the College of Architecture, Art and Planning. Incompletes (INC), no grade reported (NGR), failures (F), and grades of unsatisfactory (U) make students ineligible for the Dean's List (excluding physical education). Courses in R.O.T.C. are not calculated in the GPA and do not count toward the 12-credit minimum course load requirement. A GPA below 3.00 is not considered. Dean's List achievement appears on the student transcript."  You can find this and other helpful information in the AAP student handbook.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wanting-to-be-in-love,

Sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to be doing right now.  Continue spending time with the guys you enjoy hanging out with.  Initiate and pursue the one's who you find most interesting and attractive to you.  When you notice that one seems a bit more special focus your attention on him and notice to see if the efforts are reciprocated.

I am glad that you are attracted to guys who show an interest in you.  That makes for an equal relationship.  You will surely end up being disappointed if you are the only one putting effort into making a relationship work.

Try to be patient and think long term.  Although "break-ups are very hard to do", they are a necessary part of the process of eventually finding a true love that will last.  Most people go through a number of relationships as they grow, learn, and develop.  With each new relationship one can develop better communication skills, an ability to give and receive, and the essential skill of being independent and connected at the same time.  We have the chance to learn what we like and don't like, what we need and what we can't stand.

A mate that was right for you at the age of 16 is probably not the one that will work for you at age 20.  So continue to move forward.  Try out some new relationships: the honeymoons, the stability, the break-ups.  With loss comes opportunity.  Keep your eyes and heart open.  Learn, live and love!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Subscriber,

Oops! The URL for the feed is http://ezra.cornell.edu/feed.php. Enjoy!

Uncle Ezra   

Uncle Ezra