Dear Scam-Savvy,

You and your Red Light Fraud Alert System were smart to keep the checkbook in your pocket.  No legitimate employer requires payment up front. Buying into a franchise is another story —you are asked to make an investment.  But presumably you want to be paid a wage for honest work — and not buy blocks in someone’s pyramid.

If you want to report this incident to the authorities, you should go to the law enforcement agency with jurisdiction wherever these “top notch” people work. If that happens to be the Cornell campus (your Uncle hopes not so!) go to the Cornell Police. If they’re operating in the City of Ithaca, go to the IPD. If they’re outside city limits, contact the local Sheriff’s Department. The office of the State Attorney General is another place to take such complaints.

I am truly sorry that your friend dragged you into this.  By sounding the alert, you may actually be doing a favor for your friend — and many others.

Uncle Ezra   

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Sincere,

No apologies necessary— because Deane Waldo Malott, the sixth president of Cornell University (1951-63), passed away in 1996— which might explain why his overdue
books haven’t been returned to Uris Library. Your timely observation will be forwarded to the Library Administration folks in charge of such things.  Thanks for noticing.

Uncle Ezra   

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Smoke Detective,

What an elegant theory (“Smoke Rings Over Beebe Lake: The Legend of the Baker Butler’s Blind Niece”) with an embedded safety message for all my nieces and nephews (Eye protection saves sight!)  but the Chem Department’s building coordinator, Dave Neish, has a more prosaic explanation:

“Sometimes students light up on the way out the door, and the smell lingers inside.  I’ll ask the custodial staff to keep an eye on that entrance, but they can’t be everywhere at once. I wish we had a smoke-free campus."

And so do many other Cornellians — judging from all the letters Uncle Ezra gets from concerned nonsmokers— so here’s an idea: Contact your Student Assembly reps and tell them what you think.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wondering for Four
Years,

Your Uncle can only imagine what your friends think FLA stands for—maybe something about those coin-operated Magic Fingers massage beds that roadside motels used to advertise.

If so, your friends are surprisingly close.  FLA stands for Finger Lakes Association (a tourism organization the Hillside Inn belongs to) according to the fellow who answered the phone at the front desk.  “People think it refers to Florida, and that we have a Hillside Inn in Florida, too,” he said.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Incoming Hotel
Student,

When your Uncle said “I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study” there was a little asterisk (*) that led to the seldom-quoted quotation: “I guess I’d better found Advising Offices in all those areas of study—because I’ll never be able to keep that many requirements straight in my old head.” Then (double asterisk **) your Uncle added: “I would found Uncle Ezra’s Links, in the left column of this page, where the ‘Advising’ category shall list all the schools’ and colleges’ advising offices."

However, incoming first-year students get one free answer: The phone for the School of Hotel Administration’s advising office is (607) 255-6376, and you’re welcome to e-mail them: student_services@sha.cornell.edu.Thanks for choosing the best hospitality education in the land.  See you in the September.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wishing and Hoping,

Your wish might come true, according to University Bursar Peter Olcott, who says:

“The short answer is that students may be eligible for New York State residency for tuition purposes at Cornell. Detailed information regarding New York State residency for tuition purposes at Cornell as well as the application can be found on the bursar's website at http://www.bursar.cornell.edu/NYS_Residency2.cfm?CFID=6 027652&CFTOKEN=59005423 . If there are questions after reviewing the information and application, I am always available to meet to clarify or discuss their particular situation. They can arrange a meeting by contacting me at PO11@cornell.edu or 255-6413.Hope this helps."

And thank you, Bursar Olcott, for helping to maintain the dwindling population of New York State.

As for you, Wishing and Hoping, here are three questions from the I Love New York Citizenship Test Study Guide:  Is “upstate” New York everything north of Yonkers?  If Grant is buried in Grant’s Tomb, is the Lincoln Tunnel named after Abraham Tunnel?  Complete this lyric from the Erie Canal Song: I’ve got a mule, her name is Sal, fifteen years on the Erie _ _ _ _ _?

Okay, you pass. Welcome to New York State.

Uncle Ezra   

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Web Searcher,

Those are good questions for the Office of the Board of Trustees (330 CCC Building, 255-5127) and, in particular, for the Assistant Secretary of the Corporation (Kristin D. MacHenry) who says:

“Changes to the University Charter and the University Bylaws do require approval of the Board of Trustees.  Indeed both documents are very important pieces of governance and are monitored very closely by our offices (the Office of the University Counsel and the Board of Trustees.  These documents are publicly available on the Board of Trustees web site at www.cornell.edu/trustees/. )

"Both areas are under the leadership of James J. Mingle, University Counsel and Secretary of the Corporation and I am happy to help answer any other questions.”

Uncle Ezra   

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Off-campus Camper,

For sure, camping is great fun. But here’s the short and the long of it, from your Uncle who says: ”Sorry, no camping on any University property.” And from Cornell Plantations Natural Areas Director Todd Bittner, who offers some better alternatives, saying:

“Cornell Plantations Natural Areas Program (http://plantations.cornell.edu/our-gardens/natural-areas) protects and manages nearly 4,300 acres of natural areas spanning over 40 sites, including bogs, fens, gorges, glens, meadows, woodlands, and other biologically diverse ecosystems.  These areas are protected and managed to provide representative examples of each natural community type within our region, in support of Cornell's educational mission.  Recreational uses are allowed when they are compatible with this goal, and to that end Plantations Natural Areas contain numerous hiking trails and scenic places for inspiration, reflection, and learning.  Our natural areas include many well known on-campus sites such as Beebe Lake, Cascadilla Gorge, and Fall Creek Gorge, but also extend off-campus to places like Monkey Run, Edwards Lake Cliffs, and Lighthouse Point to name a few.

“Plantations Natural Areas are not available for overnight camping.  Many local State Parks are better suited to provide these services (visit: http://nysparks.state.ny.us).  Additionally, individuals looking to have a more wilderness camping experience can join the Outing Club (visit: http://www.cornelloutingclub.org/twiki/bin/view)."

Thanks, Todd, for that rundown, and for taking good care of all the fens and glens.The hiking trail through one area mentioned (the Monkey Run section of Fall Creek) is maintained by the Cayuga Trails Club (http://www.cayugatrailsclub.org/), which has many Cornellians among its membership, and never lets a weekend go by without organizing a hike (or X-C ski adventure) somewhere.

Here at Cornell we’re in the midst of some supremely camp-able state parks, includingthe spectacular Robert H. Treman State Park (http://blip.tv/file/946907/) and a closer one (Buttermilk Falls) that is accessible by TCAT bus—if you’re not into backpacking along Route 13.  And if you do like to hike between campsites, Cornell Outdoor Education offers backpacking classes.  One in particular (OUTED 1619: Winter Camping) would have come in handy this winter.  Even if you don’t take their classes, COE (http://www.coe.cornell.edu/) is happy torent the gear you’ll need to make the most of the great outdoors.

Uncle Ezra