Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, October 29, 2009

Dear Uncle Ezra,

I have unique sort of relationship issue I would like your counsel on. I am a small town American girl who recently fell in love with an international student in the honors program from southeast Asia. He was my tutor for a time and tells me he loved me the moment he saw me (what a dork). It's the first real relationship I've ever been in and it's better than anything I could've dreamed of, except for one odd problem. As I mentioned, he's from southeast Asia and a much more conservative culture where sex education is very much taboo.

He enjoys intimacy though, just as much as I do, and it's not that he's uncomfortable talking about it or anything, quite the contrary, he just hasn't had a lot of exposure to it. Truly, it's one of the things I love about him, since it is part of why he supports my desire not to have sex until marriage. It can make for some uncomfortable moments though when we're becoming intimate and he'll ask me, in a playful sort of way, all sorts of odd questions about sex and my body (being the inquisitive sort). I might try to explain something to him but to no avail. Partly because there is something of a language barrier since that subject was not included when he learned english, not to mention he does not have the sexual slang words in his vocabulary that is second nature to many American adolescents.

So I guess my question is how can we overcome this little problem and be able to discuss matters of intimacy in our relationship more easily?

Dear Small Town Girl,

Sounds like a wonderful, loving relationship. My advice is to find time to talk about sex when you aren't being intimate. You could just do this on your own or use one of the resources I mention below to get the conversation started.

Since both are willing to learn more, even though it may feel uncomfortable at first, there are two suggestions:
First, of course, an appt. with Barbara Jastran, Gannett's Clinical Counselor. Its free and she can work with couples to help them develop comfort with sexual intimacy as well as answer questions they may have. Call 5-5155 for an appt.

Second, there are some good books can often help guide couples if they are willing to look at them together. The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort is an oldie, but goodie (its been updated and recently published again) and The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex is worthwhile too and that one is available for sale in the Gannett Pharmacy.

Uncle Ezra

Hey uncle ezra,

This summer one of my housemates threw a "sailing" themed party where he actually bought a used sailboat from someone on Cayuga lake and set it up in our back yard. Everyone dressed up in sailor costumes and partied/swashbuckled on the boat for a few hours...with copious drinks of course....it was a fun time, but now three months later, the boat is STILL THERE! It takes up like 3/4 of our small back yard and it's just rotting away. There is also a wasp's nest inside the hull of the boat, and one of my friends claims he saw some opossums living in it too.

I have casually asked my housemate when he's going to get rid of the boat, but he doesn't seem to see the problem with leaving it there all winter. He also insists that he is going to fix it up and sail it next spring. I doubt that is true, plus the boat is in OUR collective back yard and there's literally no room for anything else out there. I don't want to be a jerk but the boat has got to go. How do I settle this?

Thanks.

Dear Land-lubber,

Arguing with a sailor about boats...you could not have picked a more difficult challenge. Time for a house meeting. Pick a time when everyone can take an hour to focus on house issues. Bring up the boat and have all sides express their opinions. Brainstorm solutions and see if you can arrive at a negotiated decision that takes into consideration the needs of the individuals. Don't invite the opossums or wasps to the meeting; they probably have the most invested in having the boat remain where it is.

And who knows, you might be the one who most enjoys sailing on Cayuga Lake next summer.

Uncle Ezra

Hi UE,

Does Cornell have an etiquette class or seminar? I think it'd be useful for many international students like me who come from completely different backgrounds.

Dear

Barbara Lang is Cornell's go-to person for etiquette. She often holds seminars on campus for different school's and departments.

"When attempting to make a positive impression, we all inevitably get tangled up one way or another. Some of us feel awkward shaking hands or initiating conversation, while others get flustered during a business meal, navigating the restaurant flatware or requiring special dietary requests."

To find out when Barbara is doing her next presentation, go to the website, http://www.firstimpressions-secondsteps.com/index.html.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,

I would like to start by saying that I have written to you quite a few times now and you have always been very helpful! Thank you!

To cut to the chase, I don't think I'm happy. I have been taking those weekly online surveys (for the perks of course) and one set of questions asks you to rate the way you felt in the previous week. I am the kind of person who tends to dwell and over-think everything. I think about my life here at Cornell quite a bit and being asked by a computer if I am happy probably isn't a good thing, but checking the box makes it more real to me. I am a junior so you would think that I have figured things out by now, but no. This semester, I quit 2 clubs with the hopes of joining another (which is centered around a possible career goal). Of course, I didn't get in. My GPA is horrible, I'm not doing well in my major classes, and I look at myself in the mirror about 5000 times per day. I feel so hopeless and have lost more motivation that I can afford to lose. It seems like all of my peers have opportunities and fulfilled goals falling into their laps.

Forgive me, I feel so selfish for complaining to you, but I have this dilemma every semester and I don't know how much more I can take.

Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Love, Lost and Shutting Down

Dear Lost,

You don't sound selfish to me. You sound like you are ready for a change and ready to realize more of your goals.

Thinking about your goals and evaluating their outcomes is the first step in moving forward. Writing to me about your present situation is next. It is difficult to know if your poor grades are a product of your depression or causing your depression. If the issue is Study Skills, you can contact the Learning Strategies Center, http://lsc.sas.cornell.edu/learn.html. Another thing that I wonder is whether the field you are studying is really the right one for you. I am glad to hear that you are exploring possible career goals.

It sounds like it is time for you to share your thoughts with an objective professional listener, someone who can help you sort out the causes of your dilemma and help you decide on some concrete steps to take to move forward. You have spent countless hours listening to and looking at yourself, now it is time to get the support you need.

One option is to make at appointment to see someone at CAPS at Gannett, 5-5155. They offer short term counseling for Cornell students. Another option is to stop in to see a Let's Talk Counselor for free and confidential advice, http://www.gannett.cornell.edu/CAPS/offsiteSupport.html.

Uncle Ezra

DUE

The times of two of my classes conflict, but i have spoken to both of my professors and figured out a way to take both of the classes and make it work. However i remember from last year that the "awesome" Peoplesoft software (no matter how hard you try) will not let you enroll in any classes that conflict(unlike the old bear access). Now i do not want to wait till add/drop or worse yet when classes actually start to solve this "simple" problem and get stuck with 8:00am classes what should i do?

Student who dreads the "PROCESSING.... PROCESSING.... PROCESSING...." sign

Dear Processing,

You're right, Peoplesoft is not going to let you enroll in both. If you've worked out an agreement with your professors for how you can successfully take both, then you'll want to enroll in one course now, and then follow up with our college registrar about enrolling in the second class.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle,

When I try to sign up for classes next semester, if I'm currently in a class that is a prerequisite for a class I want to take next semester will JustTheFacts let me sign up for that class without the professor's permission?

Just want to know if I'll have to ask him or not. Thanks, ClassCurious

Dear Student,

You are able to enroll in all courses unless the course is listed as permission only, in which case they'd have to contact the professor. If it's not listed as permission only, you should be able to enroll.

Uncle Ezra

DUE I have an interesting problem. It just so happens that like 3 of the classes i NEED to take (as in if i do not take them i WILL NOT graduate) are all at the same time (Thursdays btwn 10 and 12). What should i do

contrary to popular belief i cannot be in 3 places at one time

Dear Uncle Ezra,

A lot of students, especially engineers, have been upgrading to Windows 7. When will CIT start offering anti virus support for Windows 7?

Thank you.

-Up-to-date & Safe

Dear Safe,

Good news!

CIT just made updated Antivirus Software available.

Quoting from an announcement earlier today:

This is just a quick note to inform you all that the individual
installers for Symantec Endpoint Protection (SEP) 11.0.5002.333 RU5
are now available for download. This is the officially supported
version for Windows 7. This new version of SEP has also been
integrated into the Bear Access 2009 installer which is available for
download as well. You can find the new installers in the Bear Access
channel of uPortal or via these URLs:

http://www.cit.cornell.edu/services/bearaccess/software.cfm
http://www2.cit.cornell.edu/security/symantec/windows.html

For the full CDs:

http://www2.cit.cornell.edu/software/downloads/antivirus/scs-acce ss.html

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,

I was wondering where I could find the most caffeine on campus in order to assuage the effects of multiple all-nighters in the library. I heard that the Colombian Coffee in Duffield has a lot of caffeine, but I was wondering if there was something stronger.

Thanks for your help! Anonymous Academic

Dear Buzzed,

I don't really know how I could find the answer to your question without taste-testing all the coffee on campus and just imagine what that would do to my brain!

Expresso is clearly the highest in caffeine content. This chart may help you decide on the dosage you are looking for, http://www.energyfiend.com/the-caffeine-database.

Most research shows that sleep and a healthy diet are the best predictors of strong memory. So you might use your carffeine fix for the short term, but be sure to follow that up with some good sleep to recharge those batteries of yours. Remember if you wear out your body it will rebel in the form of the flu, mono, or other undesirable maladies that will give it the rest that it needs.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,

I have a prelim for the Wines course in the Hotel school in a little over an hour. That being said, I'm worried. Over the years, I've heard that Wines is the most failed course at Cornell and that around 40% of students receive a "U." Is this true? If not, what is the correct percentage of students who don't pass?

So far I'm enjoying the course, but I do worry about that "40% fail rate" I've been hearing about.

Thank you!

Dear Wine Appreciator,

Of the approximately 700 students who took the famous course, HA10/27/09 4430 Introduction to Wines, last semester, only 45 flunked — missing too many multiple choice questions about wine history and law, science and geography. Professor Mutkoski and his assistants were still grading the prelims when your Uncle called, but he offers this advice: Take good notes in class, do the assigned readings, and explore the study themes on Blackboard. Do that and you should have nothing to worry about (except whether white wine goes with red snapper).

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra, This morning I left my window open a crack when I left for class. This afternoon when I got back, I found a whole bunch of ladybugs on both the inside and outside of my window. Even when I closed it fully, more seem to keep coming in. Why are they here and how can I get rid of them? I want to be able to open my window again.

Dear Bugged,

John sanderson, Dept. of Entomology, shares this news:

"Sounds like you may have a bunch of Multicolored Asian Lady Beetles that want to spend the winter in your place. I think the answers to your questions can be found here:

http://entomology.cornell.edu/publi c/IthacaCampus/ExtOutreach/DiagnosticLab/Factsheets/LadyBeetle.html

or here:

http://www.ento mology.cornell.edu/public/IthacaCampus/ExtOutreach/DiagnosticLab/Factsheets/LadyBeetle/AsianLadyBeetle.html

You should know that these beetles will not harm you, and that you can vacuum them up, and empty the vacuum bag outdoors, to get rid of them. You may have to repeatedly vacuum them until there are no more around outside.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,

I live in a dorm on north campus. My room is great, but my windows have been bothering me since I got here. They're filthy, but all the dirt is on the outside. The only way I could clean them is to remove the screen and lean outside, but that seems like a bad idea. Is there any way to get them cleaned? Thanks

Dear Student,

For any maintenance that is needed on a Cornell Campus Life Residential Building, please use this easy site to request a fix, http://tma.campuslife.cornell.edu/request.html.

For emergencies call Facilities Management immediately (607)255-0328.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,

Why aren't there any blue light phones in Collegetown? It feels like all the safety incidents that happen at Cornell are in Collegetown, yet we have less safety precautions there. I would feel much safer walking back to my house alone if there was a blue light system in Collegetown, especially since Collegetown is nowhere near as well lit as campus and there are fewer people around.

Thanks!

Dear Safety Conscious,

Collegetown is Ithaca Police jurisdiction. The only Blue Lights we have there are along the gorge, at Performing Arts Center, and at the Res Halls.

If you have concerns please contact one of the Collegetown representatives to Ithaca Common Council: Gelinas, Tomlin or Townsend, http://www.tompkinscountydemocrats.org/demlegislators.html. Their job is to represent you and your needs.

Uncle Ezra

My dear uncle,

As a freshman, I am constantly encountering the never ending mounds of work for all my classes. For this reason, I rarely visit the dining halls (only been three times so far-it's mid-October) in favor of Bear Necessities' take out meals. I feel that walking to Appel or RPCC is too much of a hassle, not to mention the long lines, and having the ease of access to all my things in my own room makes me more at peace. However, because of this habit, my Big Red Bucks are taking a pounding. With only a few measly dollars to last until December 19, but 14 never-eaten meal plan , I would like to know, how hard it is for Cornell to have take out options in the dining halls for meal plan? I know the "all-you-can-eat" option would be easy to abuse, but I figure the school can still make money off my suggestion by having decent-sized boxes avaliable, and maybe even adding a small $1.00-$1.50 charge. This would certainly make my life a lot easier, so do you think it could possibly work? Or should I resort to taking a rather large, foil-lined purse to Appel?

Signed, Your hungry niece

Dear Hungry Niece,

The old Foil-lined Purse Trick works, but you’ll be easy to spot— followed across campus by those hungry seagulls and probably the Judicial Administrator. The assistant director of Cornell Dining, Richard Anderson, has a better idea:

“Cornell Dining offers the option of getting "Box Meals". If you are not able to eat a particular meal plan meal in a dining unit, you can order and pick up a box meal at a residential meal plan dining hall. To order a box meal breakfast, lunch, or dinner, present your meal plan card to that dining room’s door-checker at least 24 hours before you want to pick up the meal. One meal will then be deducted from your plan’s weekly meal balance. All work, no breaks and eating in one's room isn't in alignment with promoting a sense of community and the "First Year Experience". Frankly, your friends and we need to see you out and about to make sure you are OK. If you are going to eat in Bear Necessities it is only a few steps further to go upstairs to the Robert Purcell Marketplace Eatery. North Star in Appel Commons is only a 3-minute walk from RPCC. With 11 chefs working in Cornell Dining you are missing an important part of your dining program. The value in you meal plan is in the variety of dining options available to you.”

Uncle Ezra