Dear Helpful Prof,

What a great memory you have!

There have been many times over the past 24 years that I have answered students' questions about what to do if you find yourself "in love" with your professor.  Here is one of those answers.  I hope it will be helpful to you.

My dearest Uncle,
I am in love with my professor. Absolutely in love. While he lectures, I swoon and cannot take my eyes off of his beautiful visage. When I go to office hours to ask a pertinent question, I cannot speak -- the words disappear as I gaze into his gorgeous eyes. My professor, of course, is not in love with me, and he has no idea that I adamantly admire him with all of my heart. Please, Uncle, help your unfortunate niece. Tell me how I can deal with these pent-up, amorous emotions. My adoration is getting in the way of my schoolwork because I concentrate more on his bright smile than on his lectures -- and I can't even ask him for help! Lovingly, a hopelessly devoted student

Dear devoted student,

"The beauty of education is that it has to do with falling in love.  The best teachers are usually the most profound, stimulating human beings, capable of inspiring in their students a love of the subject matter that rivals their own.  So teaching is really an erotic process, especially when you toss in physical beauty and kindness on top of intellectual prowess", an archived Uncle Ezra letter explains to "Moonstruck".

"So your feelings are not only natural, they're ones most of us encounter somewhere in the course of our learning.  You don't need to fight the feelings. What you do with them is, of course, another matter."

One way to handle the overflow of feelings is to listen to them and respect them; they have a lot to teach you about yourself.  Keeping a journal can be a great way to record what you'd never say out loud, and then to read it back to yourself so that you can begin to see that the seeds of the things you love in your professor also reside in you.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be attracted to him or her.

Another way to deal with the feelings is to show your affection and appreciation for your professor in less direct ways.  Chief among these would be pouring yourself into your studies, giving it the richest parts of yourself...which would in turn reward your prof, because every good teacher rejoices when a student picks up her or his own passion for a subject.  So you may not be able to reveal your feelings about her, but you CAN reveal your feelings about the subject which entrances you both.  Thus you intellectually return some of what she's given you, even if the relationship cannot be wholly reciprocal.

Finally, you can let the attraction teach you about what you're looking for in relationships that WOULD work out.  You want passion, you want kindness, you want poetry, intelligence, beauty.  Perhaps someday you will recognize these qualities in another person who's in a better position to return your affections.  And perhaps the reason you'll recognize them is because you'll have begun to build them in yourself, thanks to a radiant and beloved professor.

Is there a friend you can confide in to help you talk about your pent-up feelings? Peer counselors with EARS (255-EARS) or professional counselors with CAPS, being college-affiliated, are trained in these kinds of issues and might be able to help you understand yourself.  I wish you a productive semester.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Worried and Confused,

My guess is that the hearing will be the place where you can state your case, but if you want to talk to someone beforehand to find out more about Cornell policies and processes, you could go to the Cornell Ombudsman's Office, http://ombudsman.cornell.edu/.

The Office of the University Ombudsman, open to all members of the Cornell community, can help resolve problems or complaints within the university and achieve equitable settlements. Its services are independent of the university administration and are confidential. It can provide information on university policies and practices, help examine alternatives, and find the proper authorities to resolve the situation. As an unbiased "third party," the office can frequently find solutions that have eluded the interested parties.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Highschooler,

The answer is similar to the answer to the question about how to get to Carnegie Hall, "Practice, practice, practice!"  Some find that the SAT Prep courses are useful, some don't.  There are also online prep courses that are much less expensive.  If you are self-motivated you can study on your own with an SAT Study Guide which can be found in any bookstore.

But it is sad to hear how stressed out you are as a highschooler.  I fear that so many young people are stressed in high school and then spend 4 years stressed in college only to spend more years stressed in graduate school.  It is important to also stop and smell the roses.  Maybe it is better to get a "good" score" rather than a perfect score and still have a life.  Try to find a balance, enjoy something fun each day and spend some time with family and friends. 

Research proves that money and fame do not provide happiness, but that it comes from social connections, gratitude for what you have, following a meaningful passion and the ability to give to others.

What did I do?  There were no SAT's in my day!  I followed my convictions, worked very, very hard at what I loved and believed in, and then I gave it all away. 

I worked on creating a plow to make work easier for farmers.  I improved the systems used in the mills here in Ithaca and then toiled many hours to install telegraph lines.  My friend Andrew While and i dedicated the last part of our lives to create a new kind of educational institution. When it was clear that I was near death, I said, "My ruling passion is to dispose of so much of my property as is not required for the reasonable wants of my family in a manner that shall do the greatest good to the greatest number of the industrial classes of my native state."  And with this philosophy in mind I, Ezra Cornell, donated all of my land and wealth and founded Cornell University.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Chip,

My guess is that each grade signifies a different aspect of your assignment.  The A- might be for content and the B+ for execution, for example. 

Each professor creates their own grading system and profs are strongly encouraged to make that system perfectly clear to students at the beginning.  Look for information that the professor provided to you early in the course for their system of grading.  If you never recieved this please ask the professor for that information now and let them know that it would be helpful to know this at the beginning of the course.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Beloved Student,

My guess is that the professor is trying to give students a chance to raise their grades in an effort to be helpful...but I do see your point.  It is possible that your professor has not thought about the negative consequences of their grading system.  Communication is the path to change.  I suggest meeting with the professor during office hours to let them know of your concern.  The Cornell Student Assembly is encouraging constructive communication between students and faculty so each can hear each others concerns.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Detonator,

Uncle Ezra gets a bang out of fireworks shows, but prefers to keep a safe distance! It sounds like your interest is in professional ("Display") pyrotechnics, so I asked a friend who is a NY State and Federal BATFE licensed Display Fireworks operator how to people get started in this area.

"In most cases, individuals who are interested in display fireworks start out working on a crew for a commercial display fireworks operator. The operators typically require one or two days of training, for a minimal charge, and then you can work on their crews and "learn how it's done."

"The work generally involves setting up racks of mortar pipes,  loading aerial shells, and setting up ground displays of large "cakes," roman candles and other effects. Often the work also involves wiring up the devices so they can be fired electrically.

"Safe operating practices are stressed at all times, and with experience you learn how to handle various devices and situations. You start off digging holes and loading shells, and over time, you get increasing responsibility for setting up parts of a show, and eventually can become a certified "lead operator." It's a lot of fun, and very exciting, but at the same time you learn to respect how all the operating practices are based on a clear understanding of how to work safely. The discipline is like flying an airplane -- no shortcuts!

"If you eventually want to form a Display Fireworks business, you will need obtain both NY State and Federal BATFE licenses, insurance coverage, and a commercial drivers license with a hazardous materials endorsement, among other things... It's a LOT easier to work on a crew!

"Two of the larger NY State display companies that you might contact for training and crew work are American Fireworks, based in Utica, NY, and Young Explosives, based in Rochester. You can find these and others with a Google search. Since the September 11 terrorist attacks, a Federal background check is required for individuals who will handle the fireworks on-site or at the company's facility. The display companies help you with that paperwork, so it's not too hard.

"There is also a national organization call the Pyrotechnics Guild International (http://www.pgi.org), whose charter includes promoting safe and artistic use of fireworks. They stage a huge, week-long annual convention that any PGI member can attend. Uncle Ezra knows several people who love to go to these conventions, where there is  hands on training and seminars during the days and impressive shows are performed at night. The convention also highlights highly unusual and spectacular display items hand-made by pyrotechnic artisans. The PGI offers a shooter certification program for it's members, which is not only valuable training, but is recognized by a number of states as acceptable certification training for licensing. Also, a Google search on "pyro pages" turns up collections of display fireworks related links.

Hope this helps. My friend say that If you join the PGI, you'll be amazed by what you can see, do and learn at their annual conventions.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Speaker,

Sounds like you have already chosen many good ways to improve.  Another is to ask good friends to work with you to give you feedback when you speak with them.  Whenever you have questions about the intricacies of speaking, summon up the courage to ask a friend for help explaining the fine points.

One of the best ways to improve public speaking skills is to either take a course in the filed of Communications (within CALS) or join the Toastmasters Club which meets every Tuesday at 6PM in Rhodes Hall, room 655, http://cayuga.freetoasthost.us/.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Student,

The Residence Halls open on Monday January 17th, 2011.  Usually only those rushing for Fraternities and Sororities, RA's and some athletes return that early.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Thirsty Bear,

Cornell ensures that all food is fresh and healthy to keep you all in fine shape to excel.  Whether you get your juice from a carton or the machines you are getting vitamins and minerals necessary for good nutrition.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Reader,

You are very welcome!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Sophomore,

There are many factors that enter into a good application to Cornell and it sounds like you are on the right track.  Being unique is very important, along with the other factors that you mention. Applying early decision is a good idea, because if you were close but didn't get accepted your application will be moved to the regular admission process. If you are totally set on going to Cornell, but don't get in for Freshman year, you always have the option to transfer later on.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Looking for Diversity,

Cornell has a large and active International Students and Scholars Office that provides many programs and services.  I would check in with them to make your first conncetions.

Uncle Ezra