Dear Beauty Shopper,

That electric sign glowed seductively, for more than 15 years, in the Corson-Mudd office of Thomas Eisner, who died last month after a heroic struggle with Parkinson’s disease. The sign was unplugged and taken down, reports Janis Strope (who was Tom’s office assistant all those years) “when the fire marshal didn't like the cord running through the ceiling.” 

But where did the good professor get the sign? Janis says he never let on.  Tom Eisner was a collector of odd things—insects that aroused his scientific curiosity, mainly,  Also hanging in his office was a framed letter of rejection from Cornell, when he applied for admission as an undergraduate.

Although bugs weren’t always happy to see Tom coming, students revered and adored him — appreciative of the privilege to work alongside the famous entomologist.  One who returned to campus, in the days after his death to pay a loving tribute, was Summer Rayne Oakes (Entomology and Natural Resources, 2004) the world’s first eco-fashion model (and now a successful businesswoman).

Tom Eisner did have an attraction for beautiful women—his one and forever wife, Maria, of course, but also the likes of Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino.  When she was preparing to play entomologist Dr. Susan Tyler in the 1997 sci-fi horror film, “Mimic” (chemical warfare amongst genetically engineered super bugs vs. truly bad cockroaches harming the schoolchildren of Manhattan. Yuck!) she came to Eisner’s lab.

Sorvino (a Harvard grad, like Eisner, who had just been the fictional “Dr. Hunk” in a Harlequin romance novel) talked bug chemistry. He encouraged her to reach into a laboratory cage of Big Red cockroaches (not genetically modified in any way).  So grateful was Sorvino that she lectured to one of Eisner’s classes. He gave her a ride to the airport, returned to his lab and named a newly discovered molecule (from a defensive chemical of an aquatic beetle he was studying) after the actress. 

Then he nominated the Sorvino beetle to be on a U.S. postage stamp.  And it was. That’s how highly regarded our Tom Eisner—national and international prize-winning biologist, expert classical pianist, pioneer of electron-microscope photography, conservationist, spokesman for Russian dissidents and “disappeared” people in Latin American (when no one else was speaking up), founder of a new scientific field (when named the  “Father of Chemical Ecology,” Tom demanded a paternity test, because, he said, so many scientific collaborators were there at the time)— was here and everywhere.

Look at the author’s photo in his beautifully illustrated 2003 book, “For Love of Insects” (carefree, hands-off-backward-bicycle-riding Eisner rounding a curve) and ask yourself: Who cares where he got the “Beauty Shoppe” sign?

But wait! Tom Eisner, who reveled in mystery-unraveling research, would want you to try. First by making observations, then testing hypotheses, and ultimately bringing new knowledge to the world.  You have to do it yourself (Uncle Ezra is throwing out a challenge to all reader here) by making observations:  Was this an outdoor sign, or one designed to hang indoors? (Like in Willard Straight? Wasn’t there once a barber shop there, too?)  Where would one find an online database of Ithaca city businesses through the years? (Maybe the Tompkins County Public Library?)

While you’re looking, let’s listen again (http://www.webofstories.com/play/51826) to Tom Eisner telling Mira Sorvino stories.  “Cornell Beauty Shoppe” sign on the wall, cockroaches crawling on a beautiful actress, Dr. Hunk at the keyboard of the laboratory piano.  What were they thinking?

Uncle Ezra   

Dear OlbermAnn

Olberman has uploaded the speeches to his blog (http://foknewschannel.com/).

Cheers,

Not Ann Coulter

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wanting,

Before getting your wish (to go “far, far away” and yet be back in time for graduation) you’ll want to go back and forth a few times on campus. First to 300 Caldwell Hall, home of the Cornell Abroad program (255-6334, cuabroad@cornell.edu), then to the advising center in your particular college (plug addresses into your navigation device, because there could be return visits). 

The people at Cornell Abroad and those in your degree program are, ultimately, the ones who make the rules — and the ones to let you bend the rules. Maybe.  Don’t forget to enter Schoellkopf Field in your navigator—time of arrival: Commencement—because you don’t want to miss your big day.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Snack Spotter,

The space itself is a break room for meteorology students and staff—although anyone is welcome to step in from the rain (which they forecast, by the way). 

However, there’s a 90-percent chance that the 50-cent snacks (including cans of meteorologists’ favorite soda, Mountain Dew) are there for members of the Cornell Chapter of the American Meteorological Society.  That’s how they raise money for projects.  And they welcome new members (you will be expected to profess an interest in meteorology, and own an umbrella).

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Lonely Niece,

Two words for you (”Events Calendar”) and then a story: This staff member is passed now (so he won’t mind) but could have written “The Survival Guide for Lonely, Newly Divorced at Universities.” 

Dispossessed of his house, sleeping in his car in the park and showering at Teagle, he would check the Events Calendar each day for late-afternoon functions.  The more eclectic the topic and audience—and the more bountiful the reception refreshments—the better.  He was meeting new people, filling the pockets of his baggy, tweedy sportcoat with enough reception food to make it through the weekend, and filling his lonely brain from the cornucopia of knowledge you can share, almost any afternoon or evening around here. 

Then winter came. The lake began to freeze, and leaves from Stewart Park willows blew in through the missing back window of the VW Karmann Ghia.  The staff member found a more house-like shelter—through the classified ads in the staff newspaper, PawPrint http://www.pawprint.cornell.edu/. True story.  

And PawPrint (except the April Fool’s “FlawPrint” issue) is still a good place to look for notices of campus organizations. Like the Cornell Recreation Connection http://www.crc.cornell.edu/ and the Cornell Campus Club http://www.campusclub.cornell.edu/.  On campus, the University’s main Events Calendar http://events.cornell.edu/ is an education in itself. Next hill to the south, Ithaca College’s public events— and those up the road at TC3, and all over town (listed in the Ithaca Times and Ithaca Journal) — will keep you busy. 

The Employee Assembly is a group of wonderful folks who meet regularly to  provide employees with a means of continuous involvement in the governance of the affairs and life of the University. The EA is committed to making the campus a better working environment by representing the employees to the Administration As an employee, you are always welcome to attend  meetings - the EA meets the first and third Wednesday of the month at 12:15 PM in the Day Hall Board Room.

Other ways to meet people: The Cornell Sun is full of ads for events and programs on campus open to the entire Cornell community, and that includes you. Choose something that interests you and attend.  For Ithaca events try the Ithaca Times or the Calendar in the Ithaca Journal.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Disappointed,

Finding internships or paid employment these days is much harder than in the past, but not impossible by any means.  You'll just have to be the earlier bird, who doesn't give up on that worm.  Your past internships and experience should be good stepping stones for future connections.  Rather than throw out some ideas that may or may not fit your area of interest or expertise, I suggest going to where the expertise in internships is...right nearby in the Engineering Career Services Office, 201 Carpenter Hall.  Mark Savage and Claire Benton will be glad to meet with you to explore options that you might not have thought of yet.

Good luck, go see them very soon and don't give up.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Niece,

What a neat idea! I'm not aware of any "usage lineage" database, but it's true that many buildings have fascinating histories. For instance, Stimson Hall once housed the Medical School, the stone faces on Olin Library come from its predecessor Boardman Hall, and the north wing of Goldwin Smith Hall was once the dairy building!

The 1968 book "The Cornell Campus" by former dean of AAP Kermit C. Parsons tells a number of stories about Cornell buildings and their histories.

Another great way to learn more about campus is to enroll in AMST 2001: The First American University. This new course, taught by loyal alumni Corey Ryan Earle '07 and Tom Balcerski '05, covers Cornell University's own history and influence, and I'm told a few lectures focus on buildings in particular. You can read more about the course here: http://www.news.cornell.edu/stories/March11/CornellCourse.html

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Racquetless,

Follow the trail of shorts-clad, racquet-bearing, towel-snapping players—from Grumman back to Teagle—for the “where” part of your squash quest.

Students who purchase an Athletic Department Privilege Card are entitled to check out sports equipment, including racquets, from either the Helen Newman or Teagle Hall issue rooms.   With the card, students get assigned a box locker and a lock, a soap dish and soap, and a clean bath towel whenever they need one throughout the rental period of a semester, two semesters or a year. For more information, call the Teagle Issue room at 255-1318.

Just kidding about the “towel-snapping” part. That’s not considered courtly.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Almost Here,

Yes!  You are always welcome to take a course here that you took in highschool even if you did very well on your AP exams.  Not only will this be a good refresher, but some of those courses are taught at a higher level here than they were in highschool.  Giving your self that "easier" first year here will also leave you with some time for socializing, student clubs and organizations, and general down time to stay in balance. 

If you have specific questions about any particular course and whether you should retake it or not, call the Engineering advising Office and ask their opinion.

The major-metropolitan-phone-book-sized Courses of Study 2010-11 will probably be the last time it’s printed.  The University Registrar’s Office in Day Hall doesn’t even have any left—although there might be some in different college registrar’s offices.  After this, the Courses of Study will only online—but more easily searchable and printable with just the pdf pages you want, at http://courses.cuinfo.cornell.edu/.

Same deal with the student handbook (online and searchable at http://www.cornell.edu/search/index.cfm?tab=facts&q=&id=501) which may not be printed forever—but for now is available at places like the Carol Tatkon Center in Balch Hall.  Save a tree—let your digits do the walking. 

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Stuck,

I see your point and understand your frustration.  However, at this time, the rationale for taking a class for letter or S/U grade isn't viewed in quite the same way you do. In fact, as I read it, the rationale for taking a course S/U instead of letter is something the faculty specifically want you to decide from the start.  In the Faculty handbook it states that the student grade option needs to be exercised within the first three weeks of classes and that students shouldn’t defer in hope of "seeing the letter grade they are likely to earn."

Good luck with your current course load.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Searcher,

With few exceptions—only current students, faculty, staff, alumni and retirees of the University receive privileges that come with a valid Cornell NetID (e-mail and all that).  Sorry, I don’t make the rules—but here’s where you’ll find details: http://cit.cornell.edu/services/guides/email/.  Further questions? Ask CIT http://cit.cornell.edu/services/.  Write via snail mail. That’ll get their attention.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Not Enough Numbers,

Your Uncle must invoke the Third Theorem of Alternative Improbability— and probably send you to the advising center of your particular college. Yeah, approaching certainty. That’s primarily where major questions about minors and diffuse solutions to concentrations tend to aggregate.

Uncle Ezra