Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, May 5, 1988

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I am a long time fan of yours who hasn't been keeping up with you lately. When last I wrote you (a short note of encouragement) all was good with me, and I eagerly anticipated my senior year.
        Now it is I who need encouragement: my whole life is in dissarry and I have precious little time to set it straight. I suppose I shall go from the most immediate, yet trivial problem, to the less urgent, yet, to me, more profound and far reaching. The first is this:   I would like to know if I am going to graduate this  May.  A silly question at first sight but let me explain.  Last semester I enrolled for four classes; I needed only two to complete my graduation requirements, which is fortunate, because I withdrew from one (got a W) and received an incomplete (now permenant) in a second. This semester I HAVE NOT YET REGISTERED for any courses; this is difficult to explain (I may try later), but a more immediate question is can I still register for those courses which I have substantial equity in?  If not how can I go about getting a partial refund on my tuition? And again, am I going to graduate?  In spite of my academic anemia of the last year, I assure you that all grad requirements

have been fulfilled, including number of courses and distribution. Now let me raise my eyes and look a little further to the future.  I have applied to several graduate schools (in physical chemistry), a year ago i would have been an attractive applicant, now I am sure that ANY school whould have severe misgivings concerning my fitness, academic fitness that is.  My future has never been this uncertain before.  I do not understand why I am doing what I am; I put on a brave face for my friends and teachers, but there is a great weight of sadness in my heart.  I don't do drugs, nor drink in excess; there is no REASON for my acts (or lack thereof as it were : -)), no sudden deaths nor family trouble (except pressure to continue my education, but I WANT to do that anyway).  I find solace in Beethoven and Tolkien, the play of sun on leaves, and the brilliant stars at night.  I seem to understand Socrates and Plato, and someday I will work my way to Aristotle (that was the course in which i received a W); for a long time before Cornell, and in my stay, I've been working towards a life philosophy.  No hard and fast answers yet, but that was not unexpected; I do seem to have violated just about everything I held important: such concepts as keeping a good heart, and responsibility (which i

often associate with getting things done) seem foreign in DEED if not in concept.  Although I am sharing all this with you now it does not seem any easier to bear.  I have often felt of late that I may be in need of psychiatric help; I wavered on this subject because I also understand that these ARE times of uncertainty for many, and I could very well be experiencing a normal reaction, but there is doubt in my mind.
        I am sorry to have rambled on so long and yet said so little. But the time for dialogue is long past, and I am eager to begin. Eagerly awaiting your reply...  Philosopher

Dear Friend,
I'm glad to be greeted again by a long-time fan, and I don't find your troubles silly or your question rambling.  It's also very nice to be able to reciprocate the encouragement you once gave me! I hope that between the two of us we can get your paperwork straightened out and then pay some attention to the other issues you bring up in your letter.

        I don't have enough specifics to answer all of your questions.  Each college has its own policies about students registering for classes, although by this time most of the deadlines have passed. You may have some alternatives, however, such as taking those same courses or similar ones over the summer if you are still interested in the subject matter, or talking to professors about getting independent credit hours for the work you have done.  In any event, the first thing you should do is go to your college's academic advising center and talk to them about your situation.  With the help of your college registrar, they will be able to tell you whether or not you can still get credit for the work you have done this semester and whether or not you will graduate. If you have fulfilled all of your requirements and credit hours, you should be free to graduate this month.
        Once you have settled things within your college, you can tackle the Bursar's Office.  Again, what happens will depend upon your college, but if you have indeed received no credit hours this semester, your college registrar may be able to write a letter of explanation to the Bursar which will allow you to regain your tuition money.  Because of the limited details in your letter, the Bursar's Office was unable to tell me definitively what would happen, but I got the impression that it's worth a try.
        As for your college record, if you take no classes within a semester, your transcript will not list this semester at all. You can decide for yourself how much to tell graduate schools about this semester, although they are likely to wonder what you've been up to lately.
        Although your recent "academic anemia" is disturbing to you, from where I sit it's understandable, and needs to be viewed in a larger perspective. Many students have semesters that are very productive and others that are not. If you finished a physical chemistry major with a semester to spare and have done well enough in the recent past to be an attractive candidate to graduate schools, you certainly have shown the wherewithal to be a productive and responsible student.  However, it's important to examine your more recent malaise, since uncomfortable feelings are usually trying to tell us something. Although it can be painful, taking an honest look at these feelings may actually help you deepen and clarify your values and your goals for the future.
        You feel you have violated your deepest values...but as I read your letter, the values of thoughtfulness and responsibility shine through. Your letter comes from a person with a lovely heart. But a good heart is not always a happy heart;  you can have a good heart and still feel pain and confusion. Responsibility means not only being productive in academics and career, but paying attention to your feelings and what they are trying to say to you.
        These are profound issues, and your impulse to seek help is a healthy and positive one. One place you might start is with your friends and professors. You say  you are keeping a brave face for them, but why?  Is it possible that talking to them would help clarify and ease some of what you're feeling?  Often people don't reveal their feelings when they're afraid of bothering or burdening others.  In fact, your friends may appreciate your trust and openness in telling them what is going on for you. But it may also be true that you don't really feel comfortable talking to them, or you feel you need more support than they can give.  If this is the case, then you will be doing yourself a favor to look for some trained help. Fortunately, there are many resources available. EARS has trained peer counselors who do short- term counseling and referrals. They might be a good place for you to start; if you tell them what's going on for you, they can direct you to the most appropriate resources. EARS is in 211 WSH (255-EARS) and will be available throughout study week. Psychological Services is run through Gannett Health Center. There, trained therapists offer short-term therapy and crisis intervention. They often have a waiting list for services, but if you call now and explain your situation, you should be able to get some help before the semester ends.  They can also help you connect with a therapist in Ithaca or in your home town who can provide more long-term therapy if you would like. Call them at 255-5208. Cornell United Religious Work (CURW) staff are also highly competent counselors on all kinds of issues, not just religious ones. When you are examining your values and thinking about a life philosophy, they can be very helpful.  You can reach their office at 255-4214.
        Graduation means transition and stress as well as celebration, and while what you're feeling may be quite a "normal" reaction, that doesn't mean it isn't painful, valid, or worth seeking help for.  You have many strengths: you know the importance of developing a life philosophy, you know what many of your goals are, you know what brings you solace, you are a very poetic writer, and you are taking action to help yourself. With time and effort, I have confidence that things will get clearer for you.

Uncle Ezra