Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, August 26, 1993

Dear Crest Tastes Best,
At least you're enjoying yourself when you forget to spit it out!  A contact at the Uris Reference Desk (URI@CornellC; 255-2339) searched on your behalf for information about toothpaste, and found in THE ENCYCLOPEDIA AMERICANA a list of ingredients:

        "Toothpastes and tooth powders, known collectively as dentrifices, usually contain many ingredients, including abrasives for polishing, binding agents, sudsers (foaming agents), flavor and humecants to prevent hardening on exposure to the air."  The article doesn't mention any harmful effects from swallowing toothpaste, nor do several other sources, including the AMA ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MEDICINE and the MERCK MANUAL.  However, I imagine you must have a very clean, well-scrubbed stomach by now from all those abrasives and sudsers...which probably aren't exactly nutritious even though they may not threaten life and limb.
        If you want a more definitive opinion, ask your dentist.  S/he will no doubt be happy to hear that you're regularly brushing, regardless of whether or not you swallow!

Uncle Ezra

DearUE
I am about to start a small business here... I know that I have to register with secretary of state or chamber of commerce... can you give me their address and phone number where i can contact them to obtain all the necessary papers

Novice enterprenuer

Dear Uncle Ezra,
As you're traveling west on Campus Road just before the intersection with West Avenue, you're bound to see a sign: "Dangerous Intersection Ahead." That sign is most certainly correct: in addition to traffic turning in directions never seeming possible before (including an occasional twisted U-turn), Campus Road bends sharply at that point, making it difficult for the driver of one car to see another.
           However, the problem stretches beyond cars.  That intersection is by far the most convenient spot for students living in the area bounded by Campus Road, the Cascadilla Gorge, the Law School, and Stewart Avenue to cross to get to basically any part of campus other than the law and engineering schools. The intersection poses a serious threat to pedestrians in the area -- in addition to the threat posed to cars, individuals move more slowly across the street and are not as easily seen.  This is especially bad at night (the nearest Blue Light bus stop is at Baker Flagpole, and bus drivers refuse to make any stops on the other side of Campus Road until Anabel Taylor Hall).  The severe winter we recently went through makes things even more difficult -- pedestrians must not only carefully time their crossings but must also take into account the time required to climb over a snowbank at each sidewalk.  A number of times I have nearly been hit by an oncoming car which I could not see before crossing and whose driver could not see me.
           Why is nothing being done about this "Dangerous Intersection"?  The University recently installed two fancy brick crosswalks on East Avenue near Rockefeller Hall.  I ask for nothing so extravagant.  All I request is a simple painted crosswalk, or a stop sign, or a traffic light, or even just a "Pedestrian Crossing Ahead - Slow" sign.
           Thanks...

                                                            - A Worried Pedestrian

Dear Worried Pedestrian,
Thanks for speaking up about this hazardous spot! I referred your letter to Public Safety Lieutenant Randy Hausner, who talked with the folks in Public Safety Operations about your concerns. One possible solution which came out of their conversation is stepping up speed enforcement. Any time there's a line-of-sight problem, drivers should adjust their speed accordingly...and pedestrians also have some responsibility for not interfering with the traffic flow. If a pedestrian is in the crosswalk, an approaching driver is obligated by law to slow/stop his or her vehicle. On the flip side, if it's obvious to the pedestrian that a car can't stop in time, he or she shouldn't step into the crosswalk until the car passes.
Though Randy doesn't want to minimize the problem on Campus Road -- which will undergo further investigation by Operations -- he points out that a little courtesy and respect by both pedestrians and drivers (remembering that most of us alternate between these two roles) is always helpful. If you notice the problems continuing, and want an update about Public Safety actions to alleviate them, Randy encourages you to call Barton Ingersoll, Captain of Operations, at 255-7302.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra:

        I don't have any learning disabilities such as attention disability disorder (ADD), at least as far as I know. However, I do occasionally have trouble concentrating on things I'm reading. Can you suggest any techniques to help me concentrate?

                                                              Sincerely,

                                                              Out in Space

Dear Out In Space,
You don't have to be out in space to have trouble concentrating.  Many textbooks fall far short of being intrinsically interesting to the majority of readers, so you need clever strategies to engage your attention.  Adam Robinson, in WHAT SMART STUDENTS KNOW:   MAXIMUM GRADES, OPTIMUM LEARNING, MINIMUM TIME, gives ten keys to memorizing -- the form of concentration we use to retain information:

        1)  "Try understanding it first....Information that is organized, logical, or that otherwise makes sense to you is more easily memorized than information that isn't....When memorizing [or concentrating on] information, continually ask yourself how you would reconstruct an item if you forgot it."
        2)  "Create a hook -- a picture, a pattern, a rhyme, or a story. There is compelling evidence that the left hemisphere (half) of your brain stores information differently from the right.  The left side of your brain apparently deals in words, numbers, parts, and logic, while the right is more attuned to pictures, wholes, patterns, rhythms, and emotions....You will remember more if you engage your right brain by visualizing what you are trying to learn, by finding rhymes or patterns in it, and creating stories that engage your emotions."
        3)  "Link it:   Information linked with something you already know, or with a hook (Key #2), becomes easily memorized....If you can't find logical connections, any connection will help.  In fact, if the link is not logical, make it crazy -- the wilder, wackier, and more bizarre it is, the easier it will be to remember."
        4)  "Don't bite off more than you can chew, and chew that bite thoroughly before taking another."

        5)  "Get emotionally involved.  You remember information more easily if it arouses or emotionally affects you....try to relate the material in your courses to things that matter to you."
        6)  "Engage as many senses as possible....For memorizing information you use three primary senses, each of which has its own memory.
            *  visual (seeing)
            *  auditory (hearing)
            *  kinesthetic (muscular or body awareness) ....No matter which of your senses is dominant, it's best to use all three simultaneously"...for example, by repeating a fact out loud as you write it.
        7)  "Smell the roses.  When you are memorizing information, look up from time to time and take mental notes of your surroundings:   the wallpaper, the tree outside your window, the coffee stain on the rug." Afterwards, recalling your study environment will help you recall the content of your studies. "....How many times has a simple smell -- coffee brewing, a sea breeze -- transported you back to an episode you thought you'd forgotten?"
        8)  "Sleep on it.  For some reason that is still a mystery to psychologists and other scientists who study how your mind works, your brain apparently processes and stores information while you sleep.  If you review information you are trying to learn just before you go to sleep, you will find that you remember quite a bit of it when you wake up."
        9)  "Use it or lose it."  To remember information, access it, think about it, and apply it in various ways.
        10)  "Quiz yourself periodically...in spare moments you'd otherwise waste -- doing your laundry, standing in line at the deli, waiting for someone to get off a public phone.  This is good use of 'down time' that you should try to incorporate into your daily routine."
        One of the especially nice things about concentration is that you get better with practice, and the effects carry over to other demanding aspects of your life.  So even if your efforts to pay attention seem feeble at first, no effort will be wasted.

Uncle Ezra

Hello....
I have a problem about a person who was once a very good friend of mine.  We met the summer before our freshman year at college, and we fast became friends. After a while, we became very good friends, and I came to regard her as the best friend I ever had.  We started to spend a lot of time together, and I started to have feelings for her.  I took the risk and asked her how she felt about me, and she said she felt very close to me, but she told me she would prefer not to have a relationship with me, mainly because she started to have feelings for someone else.  She said we could still be friends.  After a while I found out through one of our mutual friends and eventually she told me that she had fallen in love with someone else. Initially, I felt horrible, but she emphasized that she would still like to be one of my good friends because we were such good, close friends before. After a while, my feelings of hurt went away, and we became good friends again. She told me all about her boyfriend and how she was excited with anticipation to finally see her boyfriend (Her boyfriend lives in Texas and she lives in New Jersey.).  She told me about how when he was going to come to New Jersey, they would be going camping, and that she would not be surprised if he would then propose to her.  She told me very excitedly that this was the man she was going to marry.  The surprising thing is that I was not hurt when she told me all of this.  I was truly glad for her, because such good things were happening to her and she was happy, and that I was still there with her, as a good friend, sharing her excitement and happiness.  After this, then ebverything stopped.  She didn't call me for a month.  She finally called me on my birthday to wish me well, and I was glad to hear from her.  The problem was, she wasn't quite the same.  We talked for a short while, but she mentioned nothing about her boyfriend, and I didn't ask about it either. I called her a week later because something very exciting happened to me and I wanted to tell her about it, but she sounded very troubled.  A couple of days later I called her, but she wouldn't talk to me. I called her about three more times that month, and she wouldn't talk to me or return my phone calls.
        I had also written her a 9-page letter in this period, and she still hadn't written me back.  I decided to call her one more time.  This time I got the answering machine, which had this message: "Hi, this is K., I'll call you back, unless you're the ass who's wondering why I haven't called you back, written you back, or let you talk to my sister."  (Her sister used to answer the phone for her.)  After this, I cried.
        It's been two weeks since that happened.  I've decided not to call her or write her.  Is this the right thing to do?  I need help.  I don't know what to do anymore.  She's never insulted me before.  She isn't even talking to me anymore.  I think something horrible happened to her or with her relationship with her boyfriend.  I keep thinking to myself what did I do wrong, and I keep asking her to tell me what I did wrong.  She won't even talk to me anymore, and I don't know what to do about this.  I haven't spoken to her seriously for about two and a half months now, and I really, really miss her. What do you think I should do?  Should I not talk to her for the rest of the summer, and just wait until September to talk to her again?  I feel like she hates me now, and I feel like I should apologize to her, but I'm not about to apologize for something I don't even know I did.  What do I do?  All I want is to be her friend again.  That's all.  I never wanted to hurt her.  I don't want her to be my enemy.  I just miss being her friend again.  Please, help. Have I been pressuring her?  Did I say something on the phone or in my letter that hurt her?  The last thing she told me was that I sounded fake.  I didn't understand what she meant by that, and I asked her to explain it to me, but she couldn't. I don't know what all this means.  All I know is that I want to have fun with her again, like we used to.  Is this too much to ask for?  What do I do? (sorry for being so long)

                                                              From the U of Penn

Dear Penn Student,
I forwarded your letter to Ilene Rosenstein, Director of University Counseling at Penn, who replies:

        "When I read your letter, I had a few thoughts that I wanted to share with you.  First of all, it is often very disconserting when we have little idea how our honest intentions lead to a different outcome than we expected.  It seemed clear to me that you wanted to remain close friends with this woman friend even after finding out that she had no romantic interes in you.  To end up, with this woman not talking to you, was not what you wanted.

        "Secondly, it is often extremely baffling if you have no idea what you did, if anything, to influence such a result.  Not knowing enough of the situation from your letter or enough about you, I can not know if you actually did something that contributed to the outcome of losing this friend.  I do know that a loss of any significant person in our lives frequently results in the person wondering what they could have done differently to stop the loss from happening.
        "You asked if you should continue to try to make contact with her.  It sounds like you have tried many times and your friend has continued to rebuff such attempts to reestablish contact.  My question to you is how can you best take care of yourself during this confusing time.  Does it feel better to keep trying, or does this perpetuate the frustrating feelings that you already have?
        "Sometimes, although difficult, we just have to accept a situation and move one, even though we do not like it.  Often students find it helpful to speak to family members, clergy, and/or other friends about their concerns and to help make a decision.  If you decide to leave the situation as is, many students have found the book HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE extremely helpful.  You can get this book at almost any book store including Penn's Bookstore.
        "Often Penn students come to the University Counseling Service where I am the Director and explore a situation such as yours, especially if they are unsure what to do.  For your information, if you do not know about University Counseling Service, we are a free and confidential service available to Penn students.  Students come to talk to us when they feel something is interfering with their functioning, they have been upset about something for too long, or they want help on how to best handle a situation.  Sometimes just speaking to a counselor individually for a few times is helpful.
        "Relationship difficulties are so common a concern for students, that University Counseling Service has a group entitled Relationship Therapy Group. Students like knowing that they are not alone in their concern and that others like themselves have had similar experiences. Students report that they feel they have learned how to handle such situations in a better manner if such a difficulty should occur again, which, by the way may be likely, since relationships are difficult, particularly during the college years. "If you continue to feel distressed by this problem, please feel free to contact me, call University Counseling Service at (215) 898-7021 for an appointment, or stop by to get information on the groups program or information from the Self-Help Library. Our hand-out 'How to Enhance Your Relationships' might prove helpful.
        "Wishing you the best."
        Thanks, Ilene!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have been a fan of yours for over a year... this is the first time I have written. I've been using the Internet a lot, and was wondering if, and how, machines are charged for time on the net. I thought one of the administrators of the CRUX or VAX systems might see a charge of some sort for net usage, and could let me know what the actual prices are for time. A local college charges $2.50 per hour for a UNIX account, and I'm wondering what the actual cost to the college (of net time, not equipment) really is.
Thanks for looking,

CAUGHT IN THE NET

Dear Caught in the Net,
I relayed your question to a contact at CIT, who replies:

        "Cornell is part of a large consortium that pays an annual fee to have access to the Internet (a global network of networks).  I'm a bit confused by your question since you are concerned about charges for both 'net time', which I am interpreting as access to the Internet, as well as a local account on a unix system.

        "Based on my knowledge of timesharing systems at Cornell, charges related to network access are a very small fraction of the total charges related to operating, maintaining and supporting a timesharing system. There are numerous operational costs including software, hardware, upgrades, maintenance, system administration, documentation, and consulting, and these are typically factored in to the price of a timesharing service.  I'm unaware of a timesharing system at Cornell that separates out network access charges in particular.  I'm also unaware of a timesharing system at Cornell which calculates charges on a flat fee per connect-hour.
        "For comparison, though, the popular commercial Unix timesharing systems which offer Internet access charge from $2 to $10 per connect-hour with minimum monthly charges of $5 to $50 (which may or may not include some 'free' connect time).  Since none of these services appears to be making huge profits, these fees are probably roughly in line with what it really cost to provide such a service."

Uncle Ezra

Hi Unc,
There is this thing on the cereal box that I don't understand. It says: made from 100% recycled paper, minimum 35% post consumer content.
        What is that 35% thing?
        Before I ask my second question, let me tell you that I am at Yale at this point and they have something called Enterprise/YALEINFO that is similar to CUINFO. The funny thing is that, at the bottom right hand corner of the Enterprise screen, it says CUINFO!! I couldn't find out why. Do you have a clue?

                                                              Sincerely,

                                                              Your niece

Dear Niece,
You must have read my mind:   I'd just seen "post consumer content" on a roll of paper towels and was wondering what it meant!  I called a staff member at Tompkins County Solid Waste (273-5700), who explained that out of the 100-percent-recycled material in your cereal box, 65 percent was pre-consumer waste.  That means no one ever used the material prior to recycling: For instance, the material may have been scraps left over after a cardboard manufacturer cut new boxes to shape.  These usually high-quality materials get sent straight to a recycling mill by the manufacturer, without consumers ever touching them.  Post-consumer waste, on the other hand, would be the same manufacturer's box after someone buys it, uses whatever is inside, and recycles the cardboard at the curbside or local recycling center.
        As for the mysterious CUINFO reference at YALE, my friend Steve Worona at CIT says, "Yale is one of a dozen or so schools who have adopted CUINFO as their own local CWIS (Campus-Wide Information System).  Some schools modify the program to display the local name; others leave the 'CUINFO' identification in place.  Sounds like Yale has done the latter."
        Thanks for satisfying our curiousity (at least for the moment, until it comes up with a new question), Steve!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
My boyfriend lives four hours away, so I spend a lot of social time with friends of mine here, including some who are male. There's one guy here I like a lot (as a friend--I think) and I almost always inclue him in my plans. I'm concerned my boyfriend could construe this as more than just friendship. I'm not sure myself what the limits should be for social activity with members of the opposite sex who aren't "significant others." Any ideas?

-Curious

Dear Unsure,
The limits are neither rigid nor universal.  People whose families or cultures dictate strict rules about the boundaries between friendship and romance often find themselves balking at these rules because of the intriguing, beautiful, and confusing individuality of relationships.  The most important consideration when it comes to limits is simply the needs and feelings of the people involved.
        You can ask yourself what degree of social contact, touch, and other forms of intimacy feel comfortable to you, and what feels like a breach of trust or of your personal boundaries.  Your own uncertainty about whether your Ithaca companion is merely a "friend" is worth a look, too.  Then broaden the picture by asking your long-distance man-friend how he feels about close friendships with people who, under different circumstances, you might seek out as lovers.
        If you need rules, I can think of two:   1)  Remain thoughtful and sensitive to those involved, yourself included; and, 2)  If going beyond friendship means some degree of sexual intimacy, be sure to use sex safe practices to avoid the spread of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (CGSS, on the third floor of Gannett -- 255-3978 -- offers both brochures and counseling on safe sex).  Clear communication and respect for your own and each other's emotional, physical, and mental well-being can go a long way towards establishing guidelines you can both -- or all -- live with.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Sometime ago (OCT92, p.22), you responed to someone who wrote in about recovering from childhood sexual abuse, what is referred to as an "incest survivor."  you wrote:   "when the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of remembering" and must thank you for it.  it is so difficult to move through things that cause us pain, especially untangeable pain, because people around us may not understand or be able to help us.  it is much like trying to dispell someone's fright at a nightmare - the fear is the other person's and the best we can do is listen and reassure them.  recovering from any trauma that is caused by subjugation of one's person is so hard, but you gave me words to apply and keep me going.  i have since printed that passage on notes adding "healing begins when..."  there are several in my house and i have given some to my children - i married a guy just like dear old dad.  please keep
writing publicly about abuse and how we can learn to live with who we are by overcoming the fact that someone destroyed our importance when they chose to override their pain and hurt someone else.  we can survive.  we need to let ourselves be consciously aware of things we anesthetized in our brains.  the pain was real and it is awful, but it can end.  and we can live. thank you for loving life enough to share the good stuff with people you don't even know!  we criticize and are scared of strangers, yet you choose to help. and sometimes our terrors are not strangers, but people we love and trust. you make this easier with your understanding and openness.  i keep wanting to have t-shirts made that say, "it's o.k. to tell" because no one dies because you tell the truth.  the only thing that dies is the lie and the pain.  so, uncle

ezra, keep telling.  keep telling people it's o.k. to talk about their pain. wounds heal with good medicine and fresh air.  thank you for giving words to help me put the pieces of my life together, maybe for the first time!

                                                           much love,

                                                           m.

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I am asking you this unbelievably personal question because this format is about about as anonymous as anything I can find. Here goes (gasp): do those widgets they sell to increase penis size work? I don't want to get too graphic here. A friend of mine is really bothered by the comparatively small size of his and would sell his right arm to augment it.

Asking for a friend

Dear Bravely Anonymous,
Having never heard of such widgets, I checked with a sexuality counselor at Gannett (255-3978)...only to find that she'd never heard of them, either. Even so, she says such a device sounds like a risky business, and she wouldn't advise using one.
More than a change in size, your friend needs a change in perspective. Though many people (apparently including your friend) suffer from humiliating locker room comparisons and the belief that size influences sexual ability, studies of male sexuality debunk such myths. According to Barry McCarthy in WHAT YOU penises range in length from about 2-1/2" to 4"; and erect ones, from 5-1/2" to 6-1/2". The size of a flaccid penis has little bearing on its size when erect, and erect penises are much more similar in size than flaccid ones. Please let your friend know that he doesn't need his arm or any widget to augment his penis, because the creativity of his mind and the sensitivity of his heart will do far more for sex than any such changes!

Uncle Ezra

Uncle,
Hello, I'm a young Black male student, who will be a senior in the Fall. I'm writing to you now with my question/statement now rather than earlier because I feared that I couldn't show a proper grasp of campus dynamics until I had managed to associate with a varied and large part of the Cornell community. At this point I feel like I have done that and I have come to some very sad and disheartening conclusions. The foremost of which is that Cornell is a microcosm of the real world and Cornell is incredibly divided and angry.
        Some people I have spoken to over the last year or two have assured me that Cornell, in its divided campus and obvious levels or racism, classism and sexism, is not a thing like the real world and now I wonder how anyone could convince themselves of that. The idea that in the real world you can live where you want to and thus the real world is not as "segregated" (though I use the term seperated) as our world is here is one I have heard in classrooms and dorm rooms. Nevertheless the same reasons for minority students to "choose" to live seperately here are in many ways similiar to why people of color in the "real world" are forced to live seperately.

        In the real world the issue that most forces people of color to live in their own neighborhoods is one of money.  Not the lack of money, rather that those with money cannot stand to think that they might be forced to live beside those they have been bred to believe are "lower" or "less good" than themselves.  In effect people of color have their own neighborhoods because those who come before them, most often whites, bleed the areas dry of natural and economic resource and then move on to a new area.  Most of Harlem was at one point an area that whites flocked to in droves, a cultural mecca that people from around the world flocked to, but soon enough it was bled, its entertainers were seduced into leaving their homes for lucrative money deals elsewhere, the same for the artists and writers and without a culture noone can stand for long.  The same can be said for much of Chicago, Detroit, parts of Los Angeles and much of the rest on New York.  Hell's Kitchen was far from the Irish ghetto it is today only sixty years ago.
        Thus I relate this back to our campus and make note of the fact that North Campus is, when compared to West Campus, woefully underappreciated.  One must only look at the age of the majority of the buildings on campus to realize that at one time North Campus was a thriving part of campus, rather than the gloomy and quite unnurished child it is today.
        Robert Purcell Union, now a dead husk, once lived and breathed as Noyes Center now does.  The excuse that many of the buildings on West were built later than those on North and thus this is the reason for West Campus' apparent glitter is a thin one. Noone is saying the buildings must look as modern, in fact I appreciate the age and history behind the buildings, but there are other things that could be done.  The quality of food between RPU and Noyes is radically different. Noyes Dining is an experience ALL North Campus residents should have if only to see how differently we are treated.
        The level of upkeep is very different as well. There is no excuse that is valid that can explain why the lawns of North Campus are often badly cut, sometimes cut down to the dirt. Hell, even the grass seems greener (please, no jokes) on West Campus. I would guess that of course, the majority of students on North Campus are still white, but I must say it seems a bit peculiar that this is also where most of the students of color have started to call home as well.

        Please don't throw off my arguement by placing it in the category of petty ravings by an insecure paranoid, I assure you I am not and if I were to place an allegiance with any group I think it might surprise you. I don't belong to any groups whose main focus could be listed as "kill the white man" or any other such things because I realize that the thing seperating us all the most is not the color of our skin, but how much money we have (though that is NOT one of those people are people ideals either, cause theres a lot for white people still to answer for).
        If I might rap up my lengthy entry I suppose I would end it trying to remind you that what I'm talking about is not all I wanted to say but I felt as though I'd have a better chance of being answered if I attacked my points one by one and waited for your responses that way. So, today I wanted to look at the differences in housing on campus, the hypocracy that says that there are no differences and maybe make you Uncle Ezra and anyone else who might read this think a little more about this campus, this suppossedly liberal (though sadly enough when compared to much of America it is) campus. Think about it.

                                                      Angry and disappointed

P.S. I guess it was more of a statement I'd like you to address than a question.

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Can you please tell me some information on the study of podiatry?

Dear Ez-
Hey, what's up?  Again, another...I never thought I'd be writing... bla bla bla...  Well, it goes like this:   I am leaving in a week. Yup.  see'ya'CU. (but I'll be looking for this posting) Most men have hopes of finding their perfect friend in a woman- who is beautiful inside and outside- a close friend, one whom they can hang out with and have a great time while growing as a person and growing in a friendship.  In my four years here, I dated many times- thought about marriage once.  I did the frat thing for awhile, the partner thing for a while (living with girlfriends), and the single thing.  All were worthwhile (good and bad) experiences.  But the one thing that was always lacking was a certain intimacy/friendship not possible in this society.
        At least i didn't think so. And that is why I'm writing.  To ask you why... You see, my best college friend and lover (did i say that?) and I finally realized we were gay- and now, can't wait to spend a huge part of our lives just hanging out like we always did before we knew the other was gay.
        My question is, why do people think it's such a big deal? Why did I and others live so many years thinking it wasn't right or possible or whatever else bullshit society/religion/gov't throws at us?  Why is it so important for others to didctate whom you should love?  I've never been happier.  I love my best friend- what else could I want in a friendship? My other friends are ecstatic- especially my fraternity brothers and old girlfriends - they've never seen me this relaxed and happy.  My family was surprised, but they can't wait to meet my friend and are excited to get to know me better and understand a different lifestyle.  It just puzzles the hell out of me why the fallacy that is it not nomral is perpetuated and leaves a lot of people missing out on living their own lives.
        When people tell me that they think it's gross or whatever, I suggest that they are probably straight and they should wake up and smell the coffee and stop instigating the need for gay men and women to justify whom they love (i.e., there are more important things for all of us to spend time on- like maybe our schoolwork). But I think freindship between any two people is cool, whatever their orientations. Why can't people just live and let live? Thanks Ez- sorry for the typo-s. Please respond via cuinfo so that I can read your response in California.
        Was fun.   See ya.

                                                              Mark

Dear Mark,
That you've received such an understanding response from your family and friends bodes well for people's changing attitudes. As Eric Marcus says in IS IT A CHOICE?, "being gay doesn't diminish anyone's humanity [or] his or her normal wish to love, be loved, contribute to society, and prosper." But nonetheless, some people still believe that homosexuality is sinful, immoral, unhealthy, and/or a threat to family life. Gay and lesbian people have been harrassed and discriminated against in their jobs, family life, military service, and educational opportunities, to mention only a few.
So while you're absolutely right that no one should dictate who you love, an enthusiastic welcome to your lover from the people who know you is nothing to take for granted. You and your lover's confident attitude -- appreciative of the love you've found and eager to be open with others -- can go a long way towards teaching people around you to "live and let live"...and also to love and let love.

Uncle Ezra

dear uncle ezra
this is just to say that i think u are doing some great work in helping people on this campus. it would b be nice it if the system could be brought to other colleges as well. counseling student.

Unc:

what is the internet

know net not

Dear Inter(net)ested,
A friend at Cornell's Information Technologies Department found the following answer to your question in THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE INTERNET by Ed Krol:

"In the beginning there was the ARPAnet, a wide area experimental network connecting hosts and terminal servers together. Procedures were set up to regulate the allocation of addresses and to create voluntary standards for the network. As local area networks became more pervasive, many hosts became gateways to local networks. A network layer to allow the interoperation of these networks was developed and called IP (Internet Protocol). Over time other groups created long haul IP based networks . These nets, too, inter-operate because of IP. The collection of all of these interoperating networks is the Internet."

My contact adds that Krol's complete document can be found on numerous public servers around the world, including here at Cornell on ftp.cit.cornell.edu. Another interesting document is ZEN AND THE ART OF THE INTERNET, also available on public servers.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
if the Mario Brothers are brothers, and one is named Mario, and the other is named Luigi, then is Mario's name Mario Mario, and Luigi's name Luigi Mario?

I'm SO confused!

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Can I get a job being an Uncle Ezra? Or are you just one person? And how much do you get paid? Is it per question or what? But back to the important part, can I be an Unvcle Ezra?

Wanna help

Dear Uncle,
In a month I will be back at my old University in Europe. I would like to use CuInfo from there (especially Ezra, of course). My University does not have a Gopher, so how can I get into the system.
Thanks a lot

International Ezra Lover

Dear Uncle Ezra-
I have often swallowed my toothpaste after brushing my teeth. Recently I was told that this is a terrible thing to do. Is this so? Are my days numbered?

- Crest tastes best

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I am a student working at CU for the summer and occasionally amuse myself by reading the dialogs on CUINFO. I am disturbed by a discussion of spiritual health I came across in the DRUGIQ dialog. The author(s) present brief sketches of four people and ask which is the healthiest, spiritually speaking. One of the people they profile is "Larry" who prays fervently to God , asking for help to keep his grades up. Obviously, Larry was not the pick for healthiest. For each person who is not chosen, the author(s) present an explanation. This is a part of the explanation for Larry: "He cannot recognize his spirit within which could help him see what he is doing to his Self and reassure him that his "being" is enough, giving him the resources to change and cope." In my opinion, these statements ignore the fact that the majority of the world's population does not believe that their beings are enough. Instead, they depend on a higher power, most commmonly called God. Even if Larry DID recognize his spirit within, there are a whole lot of people who would still not characterize him as spiritually healthy. I respect the beliefs of all peoples, although I do not necessarily agree with them. Spiritual health means different things to different people, obviously. Perhaps the discussion on psychological health is enough, and the author(s) should not make assumptions about what the general population considers to be spiritual health.

A Believer

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Can you please tell me some information on the study of podiatry?

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have had an infatuation with a girl for about a year now. I have never gotten around to talking to her. I am a naturally shy person when it comes to meeting new people. I'd appreciate advice on how to get over my shyness or "break the ice" and get to know this girl.

Thanks

Dear Naturally Shy,
In many ways shyness is an asset, reflecting a sensitivity and thoughtfulness which can enhance any relationship and make the world a kinder place.  It's only a problem when it keeps you from doing what you want.  So you don't need to change your personality, but rather, to find ways to reach out to this woman just as you are.
        What matters is your genuine caring about and interest in her.  Once you create a time to be together -- for instance, by joining her for a walk across campus after class, sitting with her at a meal, hanging out with her in a group of mutual friends, or extending her an invitation to an event you'd both enjoy -- you can talk about any topic that interests both of you or simply ask her a question or two about herself...what she did over the summer, whether she's looking forward to the semester, how she likes Cornell.  Good listening is an art form at which shy people often excel.  Even seemingly "trivial" ice-breakers like discussing the weather or classes or offering a sincere compliment have value, because they give you a way to connect with each other.
        When you're shy, getting up the nerve to approach her at all can be difficult.  Remember that courage doesn't mean overcoming fear so much as going through with an action important to you even though you're scared. To overcome the jitters beforehand, try imagining a scene in which you calmly begin and carry through a conversation with her.  Imagining confidence (or any other quality) helps build it.
        If the block against talking with her persists despite these recommendations, you can talk with a counselor at one of the resources listed in CUINFO under SUPPORT ADVICE PERSONAL, or read Phillip Zimbardo's SHYNESS and/or David Burns' INTIMATE CONNECTIONS for more ideas.

        Once you get started, the natural give-and-take of conversation will steer you to the next thing to say.  And if you find yourselves silent together at some point, that's okay, too!

Uncle Ezra

Unc:

what is the internet

know net not

Uncle Ezra