Hi uncle,
As I was sitting at commencement on Sunday, I noticed that the program said there were 5900 graduates - how many of these were 1994 seniors?  It seems like there should only be about 3000 seniors and maybe 1000 grad students graduating.  What's the deal?  By the way, thanks for your help on where to get the gold cord if you're graduating with honors (5/19/94 Q06)!

                                                         Magna cum Laude!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear J,
According to the folks in the Arts and Sciences Records and Scheduling Office (M46 Goldwin Smith Hall; 255-5051), that's the only degree the college grants, even to people majoring in chemistry or mathematics.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Puzzled,
I'm someone who represents the outstanding resources of caring and knowledge at Cornell University to people through this anonymous yet personal forum.  And I'm your Uncle, whom you can ask just about any question.  Have another?

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Just Wondering,
The letter flow varies considerably and I don't keep day-to-day stats, but my rough estimation is 15-20 new letters on a heavier day and 5+ letters on a ligher day.  I aim to answer all questions of a serious counseling nature and to keep variety and balance in the column.  Letters which I can answer off the top of my head or can easily refer to a knowledgable resource person tend to move more quickly than, say, a complicated letter which covers several diverse questions that each require individual research.  I try to answer as many letters as possible, but unfortunately, time doesn't allow me to get to all.  However, every letter I answer gets posted eventually, unless the writer specifically requests that I reply via private e-mail only.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wondering and Wandering,
What good questions to be asking as you head into your adult life!   What am I doing and why?  How much time do I want to give to solitary pursuits, and how much to relationships?  How do I keep friends?  What kind of partners attract me, and why?   What inspires me and makes me unique?  While it may seem like a real let-down to have to face these questions all in one summer, in a way you can count yourself lucky: Your questions are leading you to be reflective about your choices.
        You DO have options, even about staying at Cornell or not.  You can stay and look for the aspects of Cornell that are meaningful to you, which you may not have discovered during your first year as you experimented with new things in a huge, multi-faceted place.  Cornell abounds with classes, organizations (see the Ezra Pointer to Student Organizations on the main "Dear Uncle Ezra" menu in CUINFO),
and activities, some of which are bound to be right up your alley.  You can also consider a mid-year transfer to another school, rather than staying here both semesters.  Or what about working at a job or traveling for semester or a year to expand your experiences?
        Having no alternatives can be a real drain on your hope, so generate all the choices you can.  Vivian Geller, Director of the Internal Transfer Division (220 Day Hall; (607) 255-0973, can help you come up with new ideas if you continue to feel stuck.  You can also read Richard Nelson Bolles' WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PARACHUTE? (Ten Speed Press; revised annually) to refine your vision of what activities/jobs give you joy.
        Once you choose a course of action, remember that what you make of it is what counts.  Living into the story of your own life has far more power than standing by the sidelines wondering if a decision you already made could have been better.
        By all means, hold on to your dream about your woman friend from high school!  Granted, you don't know if anything will ever materialize.  But obviously, she's very important to you nonetheless. Take time to look at what she means to you.  Her caring and compassion have struck your heart...could that be because she mirrors traits in you that want to come forward?  When you develop the parts of yourself that she reflects -- your own emotional, caring qualities -- you relieve some of your unrequited longing.  Then you'll be more free to see what actual potential lies between you, without hoping that she'll do for you what you can only do for yourself.
        Solitude and relationships are two poles of a continuum, neither complete without the other.  You seem to be very dedicated to your studies and to enjoy some exclusive concentration on them, but you can tell when you're getting out of balance and becoming a hermit.  Then you feel like you want to swing back the other way.
        These are valuable observations about yourself, which can inform future choices.  For instance, this summer you find yourself lonely. You can use the solitude for unraveling some of your questions. However, that doesn't mean you need to spend all your time alone.  Your friends are busy, but if you reach out to connect with the people you care about most, you're sure to find one or two people willing to make the effort to meet you half way.  Watch for times when you talk yourself out of something you want before you've even tried, so that you don't undercut legitimate desires, like the yearning for companions.
        In REACHING OUT, Henri Nouwen quotes a young student as saying: "When loneliness is haunting me with its possibility of being a threshold instead of a dead end, a new creation instead of a grave, a meeting place instead of an abyss, then time loses its desperate clutch on me.  Then I no longer have to live in a frenzy of activity, overwhelmed and afraid for the missed opportunity."  Take this time of slowing down as a chance to be receptive to the bounty of possibilities inherent in your life.  You have special contributions to make -- in your vocation, your relationships, your family, and your inner life -- which no one but you can offer.  Life is the process of unfolding those...sometimes in a sudden, brilliant burst of understanding, and sometimes by wondering and wandering until you find your way.

Uncle Ezra