Dear Readers,
"Visitor from the Past" (see 9/15/94 Q01) and other Johnny's fans will be glad to hear that Johnny's Big Red Bar & Grill will soon be back in business.  The windows have been unblocked and a "Coming soon!" sign has appeared.  Meanwhile, Jerry at the Connection says the season for warm drinks will soon be upon us.  But which to try first -- the Irish coffee or the spiced-rum apple cider?

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Friendly Readers,
Life in the Finger Lakes is good, thanks, especially as all the deciduous trees change colors...on sunny days, it looks like their reds and golds are lit up from inside.  And you should see them reflected in the lake!
        If you're asking because you're considering moving (or visiting) here, then I can say that the exquisite natural beauty of gorges, lakes, hills, and valleys is only part of what the area offers. Though it's a relatively small community, Ithaca has an appealing international and cosmopolitan flavor.  If you'd like more information, the folks at the Chamber of Commerce Visitor's Bureau (607/273-7080; 904 E. Shore Drive, Ithaca, NY  14850) will be happy to answer questions and send you literature.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Looking and Looking,
Actually, there's an increasingly vocal presence on campus about the advantages of abstinence or celibacy, so you're not necessarily as solitary in your views as you fear.  No one knows exactly how many people on campus are virgins, but saying that 99.99 percent of relationships lead to sex is a significant exaggeration.  As one example, the folks at CGSS (Contraception, Gynecology, and Sexuality Services; third floor Gannett; 255-3978) report fewer problem pregnancies in recent years which indicates, among other factors, more people abstaining from sex.
        Whether or not you're stigmatized for remaining a virgin depends on what circles you move around in.  People have been fascinated since the dawn of time with other people's sexual behavior, and, as we're all well aware, this interest sometimes spills over into gossip, often replete with distortion or misunderstanding.  I hope your letter reminds people that the choice to remain a virgin is a personal one with pros and cons attached, just like the choice to have sex before marriage is personal.
        There ARE some men who ask women out, but gender-role lines have become much more blurry than they used to be.  Women feel more free to ask men out, and often relationships grow out of shared activities without a lot of formalized "dating".  Since a lot of people get acquainted in more casual ways, you may want to be friendly towards someone you like and suggest a cup of coffee together...something less intimidating than a dinner date but more forthright than, say, a brief conversation after class.
        I've been hearing from several people lately that they feel time's running out because they're here in college and still not in love...as if at graduation the chimes ring twelve, you lose your silver slipper, and the coach and horses turn back into pumpkins and mice.  That's simply not the case.  I know of countless fine love relationships between people who never or rarely got romantically involved until they were well into their twenties...or even thirties...or in some cases, even later.  Everyone has his or her own time table for moving into romance, and unless you want to live in ongoing angst, it's vital that you trust yours.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Conserving Energy,
No, the books don't mind the dark.  However, according to the folks in Maintenance Management (255-4731), both Uris and Olin are cleaned at night from 11pm to 7am.  The custodians (whose silhouettes apparently haven't appeared in the windows when you've been looking) would be hard-pressed to detect the dirt or distinguish between recycling and non-recycling trash cans were it not for burning the midnight oil!
        When it comes to conservation of energy, it's better to err on the side of over-caution than waste, so thanks for pointing out the lights.  Please don't hesitate to mention other potential problem spots you observe.

Uncle Ezra   

Hi Unc,
What is the purpose of pubic or armpit hair?

                                                                   Thanks,

                                                              the wonderer

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Hooked,
Absolutely!  An age/experience gap that leaps generations -- say 10 or 15 years -- deserves special consideration before you get involved.  But relationships between people 2 or 3 years apart happen all the time.  You already care about where he's coming from, so there's no worry that you'll be insensitive or overly bold.  So when you're ready to take that risk of getting a "yes" or perhaps a "no", don't be shy about letting him know your feelings.  And until then, enjoy a blossoming friendship!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Canadian Friend,
I hope you're feeling welcome at Cornell, even though the buses have thrown you for a loop!  You happened to choose to come during a particularly trying year for bus drivers and riders.  I spoke about your concerns with Marc Whitney, Assistant Manager of CU Transit Inc. at the Ithaca-Tompkins Transit Center (ITTC), and he explained that folks on the 81 route traveling from the south side of campus to the north have been running into severe traffic constraints due to the
construction on Tower Road.  Bus drivers report being stuck in a gridlock for as long as 8-10 minutes, which would account for buses running on each other's tails.  Marc further notes that buses going through campus when there's no class change rarely encounter problems, whereas (even without construction) buses transitting during class-change times universally encounter problems due to pedestrian
congestion.
        Since traffic patterns, weather, construction, and other factors alter bus schedules by a matter of minutes, it never hurts to arrive slightly early at your bus stop.  However, Marc says he hopes the buses aren't running early, and if you suspect this is the case, he hopes you'll give him a call at 277-9388, ext. 400, to relay the specifics of problems you've encountered.
        If synchronization of watches plays a part in bus delays, it's a minute one (pronounced with a long "u"!).  To the best of my knowledge Cornell does not have an atomic clock, but here in Ithaca we do have the Sciencenter exhibit "Set Your Watch", at which you can get a time announcement based on the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado.
        According to the display at the exhibit, that clock "is the standard used throughout the world for timekeeping and is accurate to one second in 31,709 years (one seond in a million billion).  Most digital watches are accurate to a few seconds a day (two seconds in one hundred thousand)."  Just don't forget to convert the time to Eastern Standard/Daylight Time, or you'll miss your bus by a couple of hours!
        You can get to the Sciencenter by heading to the tail end of First Street (601 First Street; 272-0600) or by following signs on Route 13 a few blocks north of Purity Ice Cream.  The display is located upstairs near the door to the outside exhibit area.  On your way up, don't miss the incredible two-story kinetic ball sculpture, which has had me more entranced for more minutes than the atomic clock can count .  Admission is free for children 3 and under, $2.50 for children 4-12, $3.50 for folks 13-64, and $3 for seniors...or free to members.
        And yes, there's definitely a point in doing something with your ideas about bus schedule redesign.  David Lieb in the Transportation Department is currently reformatting the schedules, with particular attention to the boggling 3-31-33-35 one.  He's love to hear any specific suggestions you've got, and hopes you'll call him in the near future (while revisions are still in process) at 255-4628.  Isn't it reassuring to know that the energy behind frustration can become the energy behind constructive change?

Uncle Ezra   

Dear UZ-
I am the mechanic who just wrote you pleading with people to change the oil in their car.  I just realized that some might think that I was serving my self-interest with that letter.  It is economically more rewarding for me to sell you a new engine than to change your oil.  I can't change your oil at a competitive rate without incurring a loss.  The competition from the oil change places that deal only in this one service have lowered their costs so much through economies of scale that mechanics like myself reserve ourselves and our higher overhead for more serious problems that require our (hopefully greater) expertise.
        Thanks!!

                                                              The Travelor

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Shivering in Cascadilla,
Oh no, the story is much nicer than that!  According to Morris Bishop in A HISTORY OF CORNELL, back in 1864 "a group of Ithacans, headed by [Ezra] Cornell, proposed to establish Cascadilla Place, a water-cure sanitarium and school for the education of women doctors. The mother of this scheme, Dr. Samantha Nivison of Dryden, a graduate of the Female Medical College of Philadelphia in 1815 (only six years after America's first diploma'd woman physician's graduation) and a person of great force of character, deserves a tiny meed of remembrance.  Ezra Cornell was being drawn, by various pulls of circumstance, to think about higher education, and particularly about the higher education of women."
        A "water-cure", by the way, was a 19th century form of health treatment having nothing to do with mental illness.  The Cascadilla Place water-cure-center plans ran into serious financial difficulties, and the building, when completed, was turned into a residence for teachers and students.
        So if there are ghosts, they're friendly ghosts!  If you want to read more, take a look at CASCADILLA:  A CHRONICLE OF ITS FIRST SIX YEARS by Clifford Reed, available in the university archives at the bottom level of Kroch library.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wonderer,
The subject of armpit/pubic hair function is either very esoteric or virtually unexplored.  When I forwarded your question to the folks at the Uris Library Reference Services Division, they searched through PEOPLE'S ALMANAC, encyclopedias, and several medical references to no avail.  I asked the staff at our health center's Contraception, Gynecology, and Sexuality Services (CGSS; third floor Gannett; 255-3978) for their ideas:  They conjecture that pubic/armpit hair is an evolutionary phenomenon like wisdom teeth or the appendix.  Our ancestors were covered with hair and we retain a remnant, but no one seems to know why it's localized under our arms, in the pubic region, on men's faces and chests, and on top of our heads.
        Have you considered posing your question to David Feldman, who writes the IMPONDERABLES books?  He's dealt with hair coloring, hair spray, and hairy ears in older men, but not, to my knowledge, pubic hair's function.  His address is Imponderables, Box 24815, Los Angeles, California  90024.  Let us know the results if you do!
        I discussed your other two questions with Roz Kenworthy, a Sexuality Counselor at Gannett.  She points out that your ability to ejaculate proves you're not sterile IF you are producing sperm, which most men do.  Semen and sperm are two different substances, so it's possible for a man to produce and ejaculate semen with a low sperm count.  This and other possible blockages to fertility can be checked by a doctor specializing in fertility issues.  Your local branch of Planned Parenthood can give you referrals to competent specialists if you're asking out of personal concern.
        As for your final question, although it can be dangerous to blow air forcibly into a woman's vagina during sex (see the 04/91 "Dear

Uncle Ezra