Dear Extremely Concerned,
Understanding that this is an immediate and critical concern, I forwarded your letter to physics professor Rich Galik (RSG1@Cornell.edu), who replies:
        "As with many physics questions the answer depends on your model of the situation.  Let's start with assuming that the earth is a rigid object so that whatever galactic event causes it to cease spinning actually stops the rotation of all the rock and other solid 'stuff'. If your feet were firmly planted on the ground, with shoes that have reasonably good friction, then you would probably just fall over, in that your feet would suddenly stop rotating but, as you said, your head wouldn't.  Lakes and oceans would slosh around, damped out over time by the friction and surface tension and viscosity effects.  But, if you were on ice skates at Lynah Rink, facing east-west, then you surely would go crashing into a wall!
        "Of course, life isn't so simple.  The earth is not a simple solid; in fact, its core is rather molten.  Stopping the earth's center from rotating would cause the outer crust to decelerate its rate of spin and eventually stop, but not with the catastrophic effects mentioned above."
        Guess that would put some of our other problems in perspective! Thanks, Rich!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Observing Olin,
I assume you mean the heads facing the Arts Quad...they could be twins, couldn't they?  But if you look closely, you'll detect subtle differences.  For instance, the bridge of the nose is thicker on the man at the right, and he's looking up, whereas the man on the left looks straight.  Their hair is parted on opposite sides, and the left one has a more rounded moustache, whereas the right one's appears more finished.  Stand and stare for awhile, and you'll notice other dissimilarities!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Arguing,
You win...though Mr. Chips and I both have the benefit of calling upon the terrific staff and faculty at Cornell when we reply to your letters, and so the same spirit informs our responses.  "Bemuse" is a verb meaning "to confuse or stupefy":  "She was bemused about the identity of Uncle Ezra and Mr. Chips."

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Chess Fan,
Cornell's chess club -- open to players of all levels -- meets each week on Saturday from 1-5pm in Goldwin Smith Hall.  You can read about the club at , or contact the club's president, Stanislav Garber (sg31@Cornell.edu) for more information.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Asian Sorority Freak,
Sounds like an exciting new venture!  The sorority hasn't registered with Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, and Randy Stevens, Associate Dean of Students for Greek Life, doesn't think they've gotten off the ground yet.  He doesn't have a name and phone number to pass along at this point in time, but you can call the folks in Greek Life at 255-2310 in a few weeks to ask if there's been any progress. Meanwhile, if I hear any more about it, I'll let you know.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Wondering,
I posed your question to Director of Maintenance Management Jim Gibbs (JG20@Cornell.edu), who says, "We have never tracked the percentage of projects that get completed on time.  I couldn't tell you what we have advertised as the completion date for very many projects, so I couldn't even guess what percentages are completed as originally scheduled.
        "Very seldom is the actual schedule an issue since most work we do has no financial impact.  If we were making widgets -- and having the production line down cost money -- we would care.  We seldom use liquidated damages clauses in our contracts since we cannot show real costs of a delay.  We could do liquidated damages if we also had a bonus for finishing early, but most customers do not want to pay a premium.
        "I think the real issue is communication.  In most cases people don't care about the schedule so long as they're kept informed.  In the case of N Lot, for example, we could and should have notified folks as soon as we knew we were not going to make the August 31 date."
        Thanks, Jim!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Niece,
The Financial Aid Office doesn't offer assistance for Winter Session, but some scholarships are available through the Learning Skills Center (LSC).  According to the LSC Supplemental Course Schedule, these scholarships are "intended to provide financial assistance to students who may need to fulfill specific requirements in order to be admitted into a major, who may have been advised to moderate their course load, or who otherwise are behind in credits for normal progress toward graduation.  African American, Hispanic, Native American, and H/EOP (Higher Education Opportunity Program) students in each college or in the Internal Transfer Division are eligible for the scholarships." If this sounds like it applies to you, give the folks at the Learning Skills Center a call at 255-6310.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear No Time Like the Present,
It varies.  The computer folks who do the postings for me live in Cyberspace, where time operates strangely.  They do their best to get each day's posting made sometime during the appropriate 24-hour period of East Coast time, but sometimes they slide into other time zones. You can check to see when new postings have been made.

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Jokester,
Any dictionary will tell you that "gullible" and "credulous" both mean falling for it when someone's pulling your leg...but no one around here would do that, would they?

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Hungry Like a Beast,
Hang in there...the long-line problem should ease up before long.  According to Peggy Beach at Campus Life (mjb15@Cornell.edu), lines for dining on-campus are long because students are still establishing their patterns (classes, eating, studying, sleeping) for the semester, which usually takes three weeks or so.
        It's normal for dining halls to have longer lines during times that classes are changing.  Usually this rush occurs at 11:15am, 12:15pm, and 1:15 pm and lasts for approximately 15-20 minutes.  Armed with this information, perhaps you can go to the dining hall at non-rush times.
        You ask why it's so different from last year, and the answer is that 1) Sage is closed, causing students to eat at other locations, and 2) meal plan enrollment is slightly higher this year.
        In most cases, food in the service line is not "gone" but simply hasn't been replenished in a timely manner.  Please ask an employee if you don't see what you want.
        To make sure you are aware of all your options, here's a list of lunchtime changes newly implemented this year:
        - Lunch begins earlier (10:30am) at Jansen's, Balch, Risley, and Robert Purcell Dining.
        - Lunch ends later at Trillium, Ivy Room, and Hughes (3:30pm).
        - There's a new shuttle bus to West Campus during lunch, which stops at Statler Hall, Rockefeller Hall, and the Class of 28 Hall.
        - There's more seating at Okenshield's.
        - Cash-Op is now available at Martha's for breakfast and lunch.
        Thanks, Peggy!

Uncle Ezra   

Dear Appreciative,
You're very welcome.  Eat well!

Uncle Ezra