Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, May 28, 1998

DUE,
If an individual writes to you twice with the same question (I've never done this), why, in your reply, do you post both of those same questions, as if to imply that the individual with the query or problem is anxious and impulsive?  Also, if I were to ask you a question twice and you posted both questions, I would feel somewhat embarrassed. Other than that, I'm very satisfied with your work.
        I've also got a question. I'm sure you're aware of the People's Republic of China's "family planning" policy in which one couple can only have one child.  What if the couple has twins or other multiple births? Does the P.R.C.  engage in infanticide in these instances? Thanks!

                                                                   a niece

Dear Curious Niece,
Thanks for your compliment of my work. Generally when I post a question twice, it's because the questions aren't exactly identical and the second letter may pose an additional problem or angle. Because letters are often sent anonymously, it's not always clear that the same person sent both letters; I often group letters with similar topics. If the same person did author both letters, I post both of them so s/he knows that both inquiries were received. Finally, my intention is certainly not to embarrass an anxious writer, but to demonstrate that I sometimes need more than a few days to find resources to answer a question thoroughly. I appreciate your feedback and will take it into consideration in the future.
Jerry Wilcox, Director of the International Students and Scholars Office (B-50 Caldwell Hall, 255-5243), says that although the "one child policy" still exists in China, it is not enforced as it once was. It was never official policy to punish a family for multiple births. Thanks, Jerry!

Uncle Ezra

DUE
Imagine the following scenario: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy and girl start dating but don't tell either set of parents because parents don't want them dating (at all, not particular to who). Both boy and girl live with single parents. Boy's father meets girl's mother and they start dating. They fall in love and get married. Can boy and girl continue dating or it incest? How is incest defined?

Unsigned

Dear Boy Meets Girl,
Legal definitions of incest differ from state to state. Psychologists and social workers define incest more broadly based on the trauma they see experienced by survivors of incest. But there are general points of agreement: Incest used to be defined as "sexual intercourse between blood relatives". Many legal and psychological definitions have been expanded to include any type of sexual behavior between people who are related by blood. Incest is most commonly understood to involve one person who has some sort of power or authority over the other, often younger, blood relative. Given this information, it would seem that the boy and girl you speak of are *not* committing incest.
If this issue is affecting you personally and you'd like someone to talk with, sex counselor Roz Kenworthy is available at Gannett Health Services (255-3978; 612 Gannett Clinic). It sounds as though the issues with the parents in this situation could cause some difficult family dynamics. I'd suggest talking with a professional therapist or family counselor.

Uncle Ezra

Ezra,
I just finished my masters' thesis - can you tell me how I would get it copyrighted?

Thanks,

Lisa

Dear Lisa,
Congratulations on an important life achievement!  Victoria Blodgett, a member of the Graduate School staff and Manager of the Big Red Barn, supplied me with this information:  The book DOCTORAL DISSERTATION, MASTER'S THESIS, AND ADVANCED DEGREE REQUIREMENTS is available at the Graduate School on the third floor of Caldwell Hall. This book will be your guide to getting your thesis copyrighted.
        While at Caldwell, ask for a packet which has forms you'll need to complete all degree requirements.  You can check the web for some of this information at *but* Victoria says that the book contains information that is not on the web site.
        In addition, all students completing their graduate degrees are strongly encouraged to see Minnie Empson, the thesis advisor.  Minnie can be reached at 255-5828, in 192 Caldwell Hall, or by e-mail at mje6@cornell.edu.
        Thanks for the info, Victoria!

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
I am an employee of the University and I would like to start studying toward a new degree. I heard that there are options for employees who would like to study at Cornell. Could you direct me to the right person to whom ask questions?
Thank you.

New Degree.

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Being a fellow ice-cream lover, I have a couple of suggestions for the person in Q04 of the 5/21/98 posting.  He/she was looking for the ice cream topping that hardens on the ice cream.  If he/she doesn't want to go to the trouble of making the recipe you suggested, I have two other options:
        1)  In the ice cream topping section of your grocery store, look to see if they still carry a product made by Hershey's or Smucker's (I'm not sure who made it) that was designed to harden on top of ice cream. The last time I saw it was a few years back, so I'm not sure if it's still produced.  But it's worth checking out!
        2)  Try using some melting wafers (available in dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, and various colored white chocolate) that you can buy in the bulk sections of grocery stores or in a candy-supply store.  I use them every Christmas to make candies, and the chocolate hardens pretty quickly after the candies are dipped. Just melt the chocolate (you can also add a tiny bit of vegetable oil to make it a bit smoother) in a double boiler, stirring until it's smooth but not too hot.  Pour over your ice cream, wait a minute or so for it to harden, and dig in!
        Here's to a summer full of ice cream!

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
In reference to 5/26/98 Q03, I don't know whether Gillian Anderson is a Cornell alumna, but I can guess where the rumor got started. Actress Catherine Hicks IS a Cornell alumna. One of her roles was in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, where she played the marine biologist in charge of the whales. Her character's name was ... Gillian! So you see, there is a Cornell alumna who is an actress whose name (for the few weeks of filming the movie) was Gillian somebody. It doesn't take much garbling to wind up with what the original inquirer thought.

--Chronos

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have a problem with this girl I have met recently.  Well actually I don't know if I can call it a problem.  We met last semester, and hung out a couple of times at the end of last semester.  We continued seeing each other sometimes by happenstance, other times that we planned.  I can say that I was starting to like her alot, but she has this longtime boyfriend.  The thing is that they broke up, but she still is really hung-up on this guy.
        Anyways I was content to just hang out with her, because it was fun.  My friends however kept pressuring me to try and make a move or to get closer with her.  Anyways, I finally worked up the courage to ask her out in a more formal setting.  I guess what happened after that is the problem.  It seems that between the time I asked her to go to this formal and that same night when met out on the town, our relationship had taken a 360 degree turn-around.  She was no longer relaxed around me, seemed to be on guard.  This continued when we went out the next week, and has continued since that point.  My guess in to what happened is that she talked with her friends and realized that I might like her and FREAKED!!!  Her only emotional response was to act cold towards me.
        I must admit that I do like her, but I also realized from the beginning that this probably wouldn't work, but I liked hanging-out with her.  My question is do have any suggestions on how I can repair the relationship and get things back to the way things were.  Another motivation behind repairing the relationship is that I will most definitely be seeing her quite a few times, because of our circle of friends.  Any help would be appreciated.

                                           -- Confused, and tired of women

Dear Confused and Tired,
Getting the cold shoulder can be demoralizing, especially when you want to keep up a relationship yet you don't even see an opening to communicate.  I can see why you're confused about how to proceed from here!
        I'd love to hear what options you've considered.  I can think of three, depending on how direct you want to be:
        1)  You can wait and let her make the next move.  That doesn't mean ignoring her entirely, but rather, remaining low-key in your unavoidable interactions with her (offering perhaps a smile and a friendly "hi") and seeing if she picks up the ball and gets your friendship rolling again.
        2)  You can pursue the problem by calling her up and telling her you couldn't help but notice how distant she acted when you went out and that you're not sure what went wrong but you'd like to repair the relationship, with no pressure to be anything but friends.
        3)  You can drop her a note expressing your feelings about what happened, an option which gives her a little more space to consider her response.
        You may have other ideas as well, and the "best" choice simply depends on your personality and hers, plus whatever intuition and logic you can bring to bear on the situation.  There's no cookie-cutter solution to these dilemmas of human relationships, but an attitude of kindness and understanding will make any attempt at a solution more likely to succeed.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Semi-urgent question (at least, there's a deadline on this thing for the beginning of May):  Some time ago the _Cornell Chronicle_ advertised (?) some free poetry contest at www.freecontest.com or somesuch.  I entered it on something of a lark; didn't expect anything to come up it (it killed a few minutes and I do like writing poetry, though whether it's *good* poetry is another matter).  Just got a response back from something called the Famous Poets Scoiety, 1626 N. Wilcox Ave., Suite 126, Hollywood, CA 90028.  Congrats, your poem made semifinals, etc. and we'd like permission to publish your poem in our anthology, which you aren't required to buy but if you want to you can get it for a discount.  The editor is one Martha French.
        What I want to know is, are these people for real?  Sorry to be paranoid, but I'm at a loss as to how to find out.  I tried their website, www.famouspoets.com--it's there, but all it has is an entry form and no information.  I tried looking up "Martha French" under authors in the online library catalogue and no dice there, either. This isn't a big deal to me, but I admit to curiosity, and there's a May 3 deadline on a response.  (I hate making uninformed decisions.) Plus, I'm pretty clueless as far as the poetry scene is concerned. Help?

                                                                Sincerely,

                                                        Your Prosaic Niece

Dear Prosaic Niece,
Kudos to you for writing and sending your poems off for publication! You have a basis for your suspicions about the Famous Poets Society, though. It sounds to me like they're out to make money by selling their anthology to people who want to see their names in print, and Mary Gilliland (mg24@Cornell.edu), Director of the Writing Program Walk-in Service, corroborates my intuition. She says you'd be better off sending your work to magazines on campus or to literary publications such as those housed in the reading room of Olin Library or the Epoch office in Goldwin Smith Hall (Room 251).

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I'm looking for old telephone directories, specifically anything that doesn't have to deal with Cornell University.  How can I seek them?
        Thanks.

                                                                 -Curious.

Dear Curious,
Olin Library Reference has a fair-sized collection of New York State, national, and international phone books, dating from several years back to quite recent. The Olin stacks also have Ithaca phone books going back several decades. The Law Library has a collection of (relatively recent) national phone books too. There may be other resources, such as city directories from various places, but it would be helpful to have a better idea of what you're looking for before I pursue it further.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I know that Cornell has a ESL program for international students offered by Linguistic Department but I could not find any information about it through anywhere. Please help me get the information.

Unsigned

Dear International Student,
Cornell has several English-language programs for international students, according to Jerry Wilcox, Director of the International Students and Scholars Office (B-50 Caldwell Hall; 255-5243):
        *  Intensive English Program is a full-time program located in Morrill Hall.  Contact Jeanette Mancusi at 255-4863 for more information.
        *  Cornell also offers English language courses for students already enrolled full time who need to improve their language skills. Contact Deborah Campbell in Morrill Hall at 255-0713 for more information on this program.
        *  Finally, in addition, other language programs exist in the city and county.  Look at this website for more details: .
        Thanks, Jerry!

Uncle Ezra