Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Tuesday, April 27, 1999

Dear Smiley,
Tooth whiteness varies among individuals.  Two factors come into play, genes and nutritional agents or drugs.  Ingestion of tetracycline or certain chemicals that can occur naturally in a water supply can cause children's developing permanent teeth to be gray or mottled.
        Teeth can be whitened by using various bleaching agents, some available over the counter and others only in a dentist's office.  A cosmetic dentist can whiten teeth by attaching porcelain veneers, a favorite strategy of film actors.
        Over-the-counter bleaching kits have lower concentrations of active ingredient than the chemicals dentists use in their office treatments.  You can get whiter teeth from doing it yourself, but it takes much longer, and you have to be persistent in using the product according to instructions.  Treatments in dental offices cost about $300 on the average in Ithaca, and the dentist can pretty much guarantee the degree of whiteness you seek.
        American Dental Association (ADA) approval has more to do with a company's willingness to undergo a sometimes arduous process, than with the product's inherent safety, according to Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, M.D., D.D.S (277-7007).  The ADA requires clinical trials, for example, to certify that a product is safe.  And the ADA only certifies safety, not effectiveness!
        If over-the-counter kits were sold at the product strength available to dentists, people could easily burn their lips and gums through improper use, says Dr. Lewis.  Product safety varies as well by the training and expertise (and patience in the case of the do-it-yourselfer) of the person administering the treatment.  Thanks, Dr. Lewis!

Uncle Ezra

Hello,
I am a student at Cornell. I recently watched the movie Shakespeare in Love. Since then, I have fallen madly in love with Gwyneth Paltrow. All my friends just call it an infatuation, but I have been obsessed with her for the last three weeks. I know that there is no way that I could even meet Gwyneth Paltrow. But I have never felt this way about anyone before. I have since watched all her movies and have bought posters of her for my room. I guess this is just a passing phase and I will eventually get over it.
        What advice do you have for me ?
        Thanks

                                                            love/obsession

Dear Love/obsession,
My advice is to trust yourself.  Believe your own words of wisdom, as revealed by your insightful letter.  And go ahead and enjoy your amorous longing for Gwyneth Paltrow while it lasts.
        As you know, the woman on the screen in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE (and those other films) is portrayed by an actress whose performance and physical appearance have been subjected to a lot of technical and artistic wizardry.  Gwyneth the human being has been optimized, retouched as it were, to become the object of your affection, so no wonder you succumbed.  She's lovely, and loveable.
        There probably *is* some farfetched way for you to meet the real Gwyneth Paltrow, through a great deal of machination and expense on your part, but you're right, alas, you'll never meet that woman you fell madly in love with on the big screen, because she doesn't actually exist.  She's Hollywood's souvenir just for you.
        It probably is *enough* just to enjoy being in love and surrounding yourself with images of Gwyneth, but perhaps as time passes, you might consider isolating, or even defining the most attractive and endearing qualities and traits the actress Ms. Paltrow
has projected onto the palette of your eager and responsive consciousness.
        Having focused your awareness upon those characteristics, you might then be able to locate some similar constellation in a living, breathing sweetheart, one who actually walks the same paths you do. After all, Gwyneth Paltrow was only imitating a woman with those qualities.  You can locate the real thing!

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
I'm a guy who has lame chest hair.  There's not enough hair on my chest to look good, and what hair is there just looks stupid.  So here is my question.  Where is there a place (that is, the actual name of the place) in Ithaca were I can either have my lame chest hair "waxed" or permanently removed (via "lasers"), etc.  This info would be much appreciated.

                                                                   Signed,

                                     A busy undergrad with lame chest hair

                                      who doesn't have time to look around

                                       for a place to make him look pretty

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Okay...what's the deal with the Easter bunny?  What does the bunny have to do with the resurrection of Christ?
        Thanks!

                                                                Egg-hunter

Dear Egg-hunter,
The Easter bunny is a folk custom with a long and noble history, handed down to American children in party dresses and clean new shirts, from the ancient "ceremony and symbolism of European and Middle Eastern pagan spring festivals brought into relation with the Christian resurrection theme," according to ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA ONLINE.
        "These customs have taken a variety of forms, in which, for example, eggs, formerly forbidden to be eaten during Lent, have been prominent as symbols of new life and resurrection.
        "The hare, the symbol of fertility in ancient Egypt, a role that was kept later in Europe, is not found in North America.  Its place is taken by the Easter rabbit, the symbol of fertility and periodicity both human and lunar, accredited with laying eggs (often brightly coloured or decorated) in nests prepared for it at Easter or with hiding them away for children to find."
         Who would have thought?  The fecund rabbit and the resurrection of Jesus, merged in a decorated egg.  I wonder how the idea got going that *hares* lay *eggs*.  The BRITANNICA's complete article on Easter and its many derivative traditions can be found at .

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I happen to have nodular or cystic acne, which, if you don't know, sucks big time.  It's the kind of acne that you can get on your arm and it just stays there for like a month or two, and chances are by the time one inflamed red mound goes away, another will show up just in the nick of time so it's impossible to ever bear your arms, back, chest or whatever part of the body you have it on.  So you basically have to forget about being attractive until it goes away, because it looks nasty.  And don't try to say that "maybe it makes you unique, why don't you ask your friends if they like your nasty nodular ance."
        But enough of the sarcasm, I have a serious question.  I've heard that vitamin A is good for clearing up acne, and low and behold there is suppossed to be a good treatment for nasty nodular acne.  A dermatologist told me the drug is called accutane.  But vitamin A costs a few bucks per bottle with about 50 capsules, and accutane (isotretinoin) costs about 500 dollars or something for treatment.  So I looked up the chemical structures of both vitamin A and accutane and they are very similar (I'll spare you the details).  And my question is, how does vitamin A work to rid the skin of acne (i.e. nasty nodular acne) and how does accutane (isotretinoin) work?  I've spoken to someone who  takes accutane and they said that the drug dries their skin a whole lot, but they did not have much else to say.  I have not asked a dermatologist more about the drug, but I figure that at Cornell there is bound to be a number of people who can explain how isotretinoin works.

                              Seeking explanations of clear skin via drugs

Dear Explanation seeker,
One of Uncle Ezra's frequent consultants, Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, M.D., D.D.S., was plagued by cystic acne himself, of just the type you describe, so he praised your excellent question with considerable empathy.  The short answer, he says, is that vitamin A will NOT impact acne activity itself.
        While isotretinoin is very similar structurally to Vitamin A, it is different enough that it is effective in actually curing the condition permanently in many cases.  It cured his, at a time when the same dose you mention cost $1500.  So, there's a bit of perspective for you!
        Isotretnoin causes atrophy of the pilosebaceous units (which are oil glands attached to the hair follicles).  These tiny organs give rise, not only to skin oils, but skin cells themselves.
        When taken in precisely the proper dosage, the isotretinoin will "down regulate" the activity of these tiny organs.  It changes the balance of three key elements that are producing those nasty nodules: The volume of oil produced, the character of the oil itself, and the rate of production of the skin cells.
        These three changes upset the dynamics within the organ, allowing fewer bacteria to flourish and multiply, thus lowering the incidence of formation of each skin lesion.  Isotretinoin decreases the likelihood of development of these small skin cysts which are the hallmark of nodular acne.
        Physicians prescribe this medication with great care.  First, blood tests are performed to check liver function.  The patient is monitored again soon after beginning the drug, and regularly throughout the course of treatment.  Dr. Lewis says you go abruptly from needing six showers a day to using moisturizer, because your skin surface rapidly changes from oily to dry and itchy.
        In effect, isotretinoin "turns off" the oil glands, and, after the treatment is over, they "wake back up."  Except they don't resume their activity with the same force as before, which is why this medication is said to cure nodular acne in most people.
        A word of caution from the good doctor:  "*Do not*, *do not*, *do not*" (sic) take large volumes of Vitamin A in an attempt to treat acne.  Vitamin A as well as D, E, and K are fat-soluble and therefore accumulate in large quantities in the body.  They can cause very severe illness, and in one tragic case he treated, even death.
        You can free your body of that nasty acne.  Call a dermatologist (Dr. Horn at 257-1107, the Tier Acne Clinic at 272-2026, or Dr. Magre at 273-4550), or get a referral from University Health Services at Gannett (255-5155).

Uncle Ezra

Hi!
One of my colleagues pointed out correctly that Q02 in the 4/13/99 posting asked about whether it was *possible* to "conceive a child" using two eggs, rather than an egg and a sperm.  Well....yes you can "conceive" a mammalian embryo the way Dr. Parrot said, but that embryo will not develop past the early stages of development.  It's important to get the semantics straight.
        If you interpret the question as asking whether two women can have a child together by creating an embryo whose nucleus was derived from the fusion of egg nuclei donated by the women, it is not possible for them to have a child in this way.
        The embryo that was conceived from this effort would die due to
genomic imprinting, which prevents the full development of a mammalian embryo that is derived from the fusion of two female gamete nuclei or two male gamete nuclei.
        The phenomenon known as "gene imprinting" or "genomic imprinting" occurs in mammals during the development of eggs and of sperm. Imprinting results in permanent inactivation of a few genes in eggs and a different few genes in sperm (for biology buffs -- it's probably due to DNA methylation of those genes).
At least some of the "imprinted" genes code for molecules that are essential for life.  Thus, embryos whose nuclei are derived from two eggs will die because some genes they need for development are shut off by maternal imprints, and there are no paternally-derived copies of those genes to compensate.
        An embryo will develop to term only if it carries one set of genes derived from an egg and another set derived from a sperm.  As you would expect, gene imprinting has not been observed in insects which can reproduce parthenogenetically (in those insects, an egg w/o a sperm nucleus can develop into a viable animal).
        The "imprint" from your parents is reversed in your own germ cells when they make eggs or sperm -- so, you put your own sex-characteristic imprint on your gametes.  Until a reproductive technology to reverse genomic imprinting is invented, one cannot have a child whose chromosomes come from two egg nuclei.  It is unlikely such a technology will be along in the near future, because no one yet knows fully how imprinting occurs.

                                                           Mariana Wolfner

                                Professor of Developmental Biology Section

                                               of Genetics and Development

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Why is the Philips 318 so darn hot?  It's the EE Computer lab, so it is full of HP workstations and 21" monitors, which probably contribute to the heat, but it seems that a permanent lab like this should have a better cooling system.  There are 2 A/C units is this room which I am told "ice-up" if they are set too high.  The thermometer on the wall here now says 80 degrees and there is somebody sitting next to me in a tank top on a frigid, rainy day because she knew that she would be in Phillips 318 today.  Can't anything be done about this cooling problem?  I can't imagine how bad it must be during the summer....
        Thanks!

                                                "Sweating the small stuff"

Dear Uncle Ezra,
In today's Daily Sun (4/19/99), there is an article on page 7 which shows students at the Victory Club. The caption states that they're enjoying the "free champagne." After what happened to David Wasdyke last fall, I'm surprised to see that several of the students in the picture are underage.

Unsigned

Dear SUN Reader,
Thank you for writing to express your concern about underage access to alcohol.  I forwarded your letter to Suzy Nelson, Associate Dean of Students for Greek Life (538 Willard Straight Hall; 255-2310; smn7@Cornell.edu), who replies that the SUN may have gotten the caption wrong:  "The function was registered through this office, and the form indicates that the Victory Club did have the event catered. It is the caterer's responsibility to proof all guests and only serve students who are 21 or older.  I don't see students drinking in the picture, so I will assume that the drinks were non-alcoholic or, if champagne, belonged to someone over 21.
        "Actually, there is no way to conclude from the picture that minors were served.  I trust that the caterer is the one who gave away free champagne, as the chapter cannot serve alcohol or give it away."
        If you have lingering questions or concerns, please feel free to contact Suzy or to let me know.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
What kind of recreational things can I do in Albuquerque, NM? I had a hard time entertaining myself the last time I was there. Classes, or part-time jobs? The scheduling at TVI makes it impossible for me to take a class there.

Unsigned

Dear Albuquerque-bound,
I gather that you are interested in knowing something about part-time jobs and classes *as well as* purer forms of recreation in Albuquerque.  How about starting with a visit to a health club or the YMCA (505-265-6971)?
        The Del Norte Sports and Wellness Club (7120 Wyoming Blvd. NE #8B; 505-857-0123) has indoor and outdoor swimming pools, full-size gyms and work-out facilities.  On the web page for Del Norte (http://a.4a2z.com/cgi/rfr.cgi?http://www.nmsw.com/dnsw/), they even list part-time employment opportunities.  So, that's a way to *combine* a part-time job with recreation and fitness classes.
        How about learning a highly transportable skill like swing dancing while you're in New Mexico?  Call the Swing Time Dance Studio (505-292-6029).
        Albuquerque has a lot of clubs that might be worth checking out: The International Bird Dog Association (505-884-4822) caught my eye in the club listings under , a nearly indefatigable, all-purpose web site!  There you can also find physician and insurance agent referrals, the Chamber of Commerce, even the Yellow Pages.
        While classes at TVI Community College may present scheduling difficulties, the University of New Mexico campus has lots going on, and even offers distance-learning options for people on tight schedules.  Look them up at .
        Perhaps you'd like to try community service.  You can use to explore Albuquerque's many volunteer opportunities.  At the local YMCA for example, you can help with arts and crafts instruction, coaching athletics, counseling, tutoring, and mentoring "at risk" youth.
        If you haven't moved to Albuquerque yet, and want to get plugged in now to events and activities, subscribe for free to the local newspaper's email version at .
        Of course, you can always rub in the sunscreen and recline outside awhile for a dose of our favorite star shine.  After an Ithaca winter, there may be no superior form of recreation for you.  Enjoy your stay in Albuquerque, and try not to miss us too much.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Hi. I'm wondering why cold medecine that contains alcohol makes people so drowsy. I mean, how much alcohol could possibly be in there?

Unsigned

Hi Ezra,
I am writing in response to Q1, 4-20-99. I just want to let him know that I am a devout Catholic as well and I haven't found any guy that has had the same values and morals as mine. I mean I think my friends are awesome, but they don't believe in the things I believe in and that's okay. I don't know how to find some nice guys like him. It's funny how 2 people can feel the same way about stuff and never find each other. I was very impressed to read his message. I began to lose faith in meeting a decent guy.

Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
hey uncle ezra- when's the straight scoop gonna be ready? anytime before i graduate?

i want my froyo

DUE,
Using the random Cornell homepage link, what is the probability that my own website will come up?  And how often on average will I get a visitor to my page who uses this link?
        Thanks.

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Randomly Visited,
I was awestruck when Chris Manley, Web Developer and Consultant in the ATS Technology Integration and Communications area, fired back this reply to your question, as if completely unfazed by its difficulty:
"There are currently 6248 URLs listed in the personal home page listing on CUinfo. Assuming that the randomizer is truly random (not a valid assumption for real computer geeks, but close enough for the rest of us), the chances are 1 in 6248. As for how often, this would most easily be determined by looking at the referer report in the statistics report that can be generated for your CU People account if your homepage is on CU People, or doing logfile analysis on the server that hosts your hompage if it's not on CU People. The referer is the personal home page listing, which would be a combined count of people who got there from the randomizer and people who got there because they picked your name out of the list."
Thanks, Chris!

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
Re toe massage (4/20/99 Q03), you mention "This is one case, by the way, in which you CAN get too much of a  good thing.  Overdoing foot massage can lead to a major detox in the body."  Huh?  What gives?
        Thanks as always...

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Toe-tally Perplexed,
To start with the detox part, here's what Laura Norman, foremost reflexology spokesperson, says in her book FEET FIRST (Fireside/Simon & Schuster):  "Reflexology cleanses the body of toxins and impurities.  The body has built-in mechanisms for cleansing itself, mainly the lymphatic, excretory, and integumentary systems (i.e., the lymph nodes, the kidneys and colon, and the skin).  If these become blocked or function improperly, toxins and waste matter build up.  A healthy body is like a healthy home:  You have to take the garbage out regularly.  By deepening relaxation, reflexology causes all the systems in the body to function more efficiently, including those that eliminate waste products.
        I spoke with a teacher at our local massage school, the Fingerlakes School of Massage (FLSM), who says it's just common sense to do all things in moderation.  For instance, in a one-hour massage session, a therapist ordinarily covers many parts of the body and does not put in excess time in any one area, lest s/he overload the system.  This teacher tells the story of an FLSM student in 1996 who was extremely skeptical about reflexology before receiving a session, immediately after which he threw up from its detoxifying effects!  He had no doubts after that about the healing power of this technique.
        A detox like that can be cathartic in a safe context like a massage school class, but I don't want to encourage it happening in someone's dorm room.  So even if foot -- or in this case, toe -- massage feels good, I'd stick to no more than five to ten minutes in any one spot.

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
Over the past 3-4 weeks, I've had a headache every single day, and I don't know what to do. Each time I feel them coming on, I take aspirin, and they go away. But I don't think it's normal to have daily headaches. I get enough sleep, I'm not overly stressed, I eat well, and I don't ever get migraines. So I really don't know what can be causing this. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Unsigned

Dear Headache Sufferer,
How unpleasant, and worrisome, to have a new symptom pop up like this.  I'm glad that the aspirin works effectively for you.  If you're a Cornell student, go ahead and deal with your concern by giving a call to the nurses' station at Gannett (255-1991).  You can talk over your symptoms to see if a trip to Gannett would be helpful.  When you call, be prepared to characterize your headache pain:  For example, is it throbbing, dull, shooting, sharp, intermittent, or constant?
        The headaches we worry most about come from obvious physical trauma (such as a recent head injury) or are unusually severe.  You should call a health professional right away if your headache is *continuous* for several days, increasing in intensity, if it is accompanied by high fever and a very stiff neck, or by visual disturbances or numbness in your limbs or face.
        The most common cause of headaches is tension.  You may not *feel* overly stressed, but sometimes our bodies are simply more susceptible to the stress that is always there.  A headache is usually nothing more than an unfriendly reminder that you may need to take better care of your mind and body as the semester rolls on to its inevitably high-pressure conclusion.
         Headaches can also come from sinus problems or eyestrain.  Sinus headaches usually accompany nasal congestion, and occur when the sinus cavities are blocked.  This causes pressure to build, and can cause pain, usually in the forehead and teeth.
        Poor posture, and unconscious clenching of the jaws or tightening of the neck can cause muscle headaches, which feel like a band of tension.  Muscle headaches are often due to emotional or physical
stress.
        Vascular headaches, of which the migraine is an all-too-common type, come from the constriction and dilation of blood vessels in the head.  Vascular headaches are usually severe, one-sided throbbing headaches, the kind that can make you sick to your stomach, or painfully sensitive to light.
        Sometimes, of course, a headache is a combination of these types.  To relieve the headache, you can do things besides taking aspirin, ibuprofen, or acetaminophen.  Relaxation exercises, meditation, and massaging the muscles of the neck and scalp can work wonders.
        At the end of the day, you can apply ice packs, heat, or alternate heat and cold applications to your neck and head area.  Try staying away from things that cause eyestrain, like long interrupted periods of reading or staring at a computer monitor.  Giving yourself periods of low sensory input in general can help.
        If you're getting a cold or developing allergies, you could try a decongestant medication.  Ask the nurses at Gannett or a pharmacist about this.
        Finally, some foods can be associated with headaches.  These include foods preserved by pickling, aged cheeses, nuts, alcohol, especially some kinds of red wine, nuts, figs, and even raisins and beloved chocolate!
        It's very likely that these headaches will just go away (back to wherever they came from!) as mysteriously as they arrived.  Perhaps when they do, you'll be taking better care of yourself in general as a result of experiencing them.  If so, good for you.  I hope this finds you feeling better already.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
i'd like to put in my 2 cents regarding the person who wanted to know how to use travelers mail from any computer (4/20/99 Q09). windows comes with a built in telnet program, so the easiest thing to do is to go to start, run, and type in "telnet tmail.mail.cornell.edu" (without the quotes). if you either don't have a windows based computer, windows telnet is not installed, or you don't know the location of your telnet program, open your web browser and type in "telnet://tmail.mail.cornell.edu" (without the quotes). i hope this makes it easier for people to check their email.

Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
In response to Q13 from 4/20/99, I recently stopped taking the pill after 10 years of continuous use, and my period was regular right away. I, too, was afraid that the heavy painful periods I had before the pill would return, but they never did! I now have very light, predicatble periods. I can tell you that on April 29, around 2 pm, my next period will start! I know that different women will have different experiences with this, but Q13 should not despair, she might get to keep her light periods!

Unsigned

Dear Unc,
In your reply about the new quarters (4/22/99 Q02), I believe you gave out a little mis-information.   You said that the first five had been released, but I think that so far only the first two quarters, Delaware and Pennsylvania, have been released, though the designs for the first five have all been decided upon.  Although I didn't see it stated explicitly on the web page, I think that the coins will be released individually  at intervals throughout the next 10 years, not 5 new quarters all at once each year.
        Also, the design on the front of the quarter has changed, but it will be the same for all of the new quarters.  The individualized portion of the quarter for each state will be limited to a particular region on the back.  This region covers most of the back of the coin, except for areas reserved for certain text.  You can actually get (or at least you could) a template to submit a design for your state.
        Of course, I looked all this up when I first ran across the Delaware quarter a couple of months ago.  I haven't run across the new Penn quarter locally yet, but I did see it in someone's change when I was down in DC earlier this month.
        You will probably have to wait until 2008 before you can get a mint set containing all 50.  There are even contingencies to extend the program if a new state or two should happen to join the union in the next 10 years (Puerto Rico for example).
        Anyway, I've got 3 Caesar Rodneys in my desk drawer and am looking forward to the Penns and the rest.  We'll have to wait and see if the new dollar coin (supposedly due out in 2000) will be better accepted
than the Susan B.

                                                   -not even a numismatist

Hi Ezra!
I'll be a freshman next year at Cornell (psyched about my admission!), and I was granted FWS. Can I work a FWS job and choose not to pay my tuition with that money (I'd like to use for car insurance, etc-I have grants from relatives to pay tuition)? I'm just asking this because I've heard that FWS students have a better job selection. Thanks!

Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I've been reading your column for awhile now, and I've noticed that you regularly get letters from students who are extremely depressed, sometimes to the point of contemplating suicide.  And then once in awhile you receive letters from overly optimistic and patriotic fellows, who tell the others to just get over it.  I'm writing to tell you that I fall somewhere in the middle, not hating Cornell but not loving it either.  And i hope you will share my story with the rest of your readers so that they may better understand how to reclaim the power they've always had to change the direction of their lives...
        To those of you who suffer more with each darkening day:  A few months ago, i wrote my own letter filled with grief and depression to

uncle ezra, one which was very similar in nature to many of your own. i believe i can safely say that I have felt the ugly brunt of life here more than my fair share of times. right now, i don't think the specific details relating to my actual events are in order.  but let me assure you that i went through my own stage of hating Cornell and the people who went here, including myself.  yes, i too considered transferring, and almost did in fact.  and, yes, i too visited gannett a few times, trying to sort my problems into discernable patterns. and yes, i too frequented the gorges many late nights, staring into the dark oasis of the waters below, and trying to work up the courage to take that last extra step.
        so, why didn't I? why am I here right now, right here, writing to you -- no, not uncle ezra, but you whom I pass every day on the streets, you who reads outside the steps of Goldwin Smith, you who prays in Sage Hall, you who walks in the plantations, you who stands at the top of Libe Slope on a star-filled night, you who is always looking, and searching, and reaching for something you can't quite grasp?  it wasn't in a day, it wasn't in a week, or a month, or even a year.  fellow cornellians, i KNOW what many of you have gone through, are going through, or will go through in the future. you are hearing the voice of someone who has survived a four year bout with clinical depression, a serious struggle with eating disorders, sexual assault during freshman year, and a friend's suicide.  but you are NOT hearing the words of someone ready to give up on life, ready to give up on herself or on those who love her.
        I am not going to condemn nor praise our university  because regardless of the negative and positive credit it regularly receives, I believe that we are all responsible for our experiences, and if not that, then at least our reactions to them.  Cornell will not kill you nor will it save your life.  It is a place, an institution, a resource.  It is not a person, and we shouldn't pretend that it will treat you kindly.  Only YOU can do that, either through your own actions, or through finding a caring and supportive network of family and friends.
        a year ago, almost to this day, I held a bottle of pills in my hand, tempting myself with their smooth touch, their magical ability that would allow me to escape the horror that had become my life. and, for what I presumed would be the last time, I wondered what I was waiting for, what was worth the blind faith that one would have to embrace to live life to its fullest, and accept its shortcomings as potential for personal growth. I didn't know the answer then.  Now, at age 20, I still do not fully understand.  But I believe it lies somewhere in all the following: the hearts of my parents who have struggled so much for the life that I was too ready to give up; the arms of my boyfriend that hold me, and gather my tears, when too many difficult memories begin to resurface; the eyes of my friends who watch out for me, and help me sustain my health in every physical, emotional and mental capacity; the voices of my advisor and other caring individuals such as our very own uncle ezra, who may not necessarily understand all our concerns, but always respond to them with compassion and empathy; and the hands of all those out there who reach for me every day even if I can't always see them, and who will always be there to reassure me that I am never alone, and will never be alone.
        So, perhaps this has been a futile effort in self-reflection, or perhaps it will reach some reader out there in the often dark abysses of life, and you will hear THIS voice, and know that somewhere close by, someone is hoping that every morning becomes brighter for  you. however, remember that that the solution may not be in waiting for more sunlight, but in merely opening more blinds.

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I wanted to reply to "tired of all this" DUE 4/20/99:
I am 27 years old, and for the first 20 of my years, I had never held the hand of man, or kissed one, or even been on a date.  All that changed in 1992 when I met the man I married in 1995 -- and I married him a virgin, I am proud to say.  Don't give up and think you are a lost cause -- the perfect mate is out there waiting for you, you just have to be patient.  My problem was that as a woman considered "fat" by public standards, I always had male friends, but no one even took a second glance at me romantically.  Until my wonderful husband and I met, and it was love almost at first sight.  Please, please, take your time.  It will come when it is meant to.  Believe me, I totally understand how you feel -- how frustrated, lonely, unloved, and undesirable.  But I can speak from experience when I say that there is someone out there for you if you are open to loving and being loved.
        Good luck and please keep a positive attitude!

                                                     -20 and never kissed!