Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, May 11, 2000

DUE:
Everytime I see a car broken down on the highway I see a really bright orange sticker usually glued to the antenna or door handle that I assume has information the driver provided as to why the car is there, who the owner is, when he will come get his car etc...
        Nevertheless, I do not have any of these blank orange stickers, moreover, I have never seen any for sale, I don't know any friends that have them and don't know where to get them.
        Does everyone in the world but me have these in the glove box? I usually see these on I-95 in Conn or NJ or on RT 17 in NY.

                                                         -Sticker Searcher

Dear Sticker Searcher,
Amongst the people I polled -- police, car mechanics, and avid travellers -- the majority opinion was that police tag vehicles to identify them as needing to be removed or towed because they have been reported by the owner as being immobilzed, or the police themselves have decided they've been there too long.  I gather that the stickers are brighly visible so another police officer passing by knows s/he needn't stop to investigate a car that's already been looked over.
        One source, however, veered towards your "glove box" theory, and suggested checking in the automotive department in a Walmart, K-Mart, Pepboys or the like to find the stickers.
        I've seen windshield sun visors for sale that have a pleasant scene on one side and a "PLEASE CALL FOR HELP" message in highly visible letters on the other, for attracting attention when assistance is needed.  Once in a while I hear cute stories of what happens when the car's owner inadvertently puts the windshield sun visor in facing the wrong way.
        I'm happy to post the definitive answer to your question, if someone in the wide world of Uncle Ezra readership knows for sure.

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
Where can I purchase the full-sized, one piece, Gothic-lettered "Cornell" decal for my car? I know the campus store sells something akin to it, but they are stickers and must be applied letter by letter. I've been searching for three years and still no luck!

Unsigned

DUE,
I think things have changed regarding purchasing traveler's checks with a credit card. I was at AAA last week and was told that if I used a credit card for traveler's checks, then it would be considered a cash-advance, which doesn't have an interest-free grace period. Running across the street to the ATM was much more attractive at that point.

Jon--

dear uncle ezra,
i have 2 questions for ya.
        1) where can i purchase a cheap laptop online?  of course, i'm looking for a reliable place. by reliable i mean, not something like e-bay where you're risking it cuz you don't know if it's in good condition, and not a place that is going to steal my credit card for fraud or a place that's going to send me a junk computer in 4 months. i'm looking for something in the price range of $500.  is there anywhere in ithaca where i can buy a cheap laptop. i heard it's best to order from a catalog.  what do you think?  i will be going abroad this year and it is important i have a laptop not only for work, but also to connect to the internet.  i don't really care if it's an older model, i just want it to be new and inexpensive.
        2)  i was just wondering if there are any restrictions as to what material you can view on the internet at on-campus computer labs.  the other day my friend told me some guy was checking out porno and he told me that in another university in another state, you weren't allowed to view that stuff online cuz it was immoral or something. so i was wondering about cornell. where do they stand?
        thanks.  i really hope you can help me.

                                                            --"laptopless"

Dear Laptopless,
The cornell.marketplace and the ithaca.marketplace are good spots to look for your laptop and/or advertise your desire for one.  All kinds of materials change hands over those lists, which you can learn how to use by visiting .  You can consult with the staff at the Technology Connection in the Campus Store (255-4941) to get additional suggestions.  I hope this helps you find a good-quality, inexpensive model for your travels!
        I forwarded your question about pornography on computers in labs to Marjorie Hodges Shaw, the IT Policy Advisor in the Office of Information Technologies, who responds:
        "Many colleges and universities prohibit the use of computers and network resources to view any pornography or otherwise objectionable material.  Cornell does not.  Cornell prohibits the use of computers or network resources only when the use violates university policy and/or state, federal, or local law.  Any use that does not violate a policy or the law is permissible.  The factors the university considers in determining  appropriate use include; whether the material is legal, whether the individual is of legal age to view the material, and whether the individual is creating a hostile environment for other Cornell community members.  In addition, labs may have regulations about the priority of work and use of the limited resources.  For more information about Cornell's computer use policies see, ."
        Thanks, Marjorie!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Hi. I attended Rev. Sharpton's speech on Monday evening (May 1)and I found it to be amazingly inspirational and informative. I would love to own a copy of it! Can you please find out if it is indeed possible to obtain a personal copy of the speech?
THANKS

Unsigned

Hey Unc,
I have several drug related questions -
        1) What is the interaction between Paxil and alcohol?  Paxil and marijuana? I've never smoked but if I ever do, I am on Paxil and I dont want any weird interactions.....
        2) Can you tell me a bit about Ecstacy, the new club drug that is so popular?  I know a ton of people who do it and say that there are no lasting side effects, but I can't believe it.  I even know med students who do it!  What's the deal?
        Thanks!

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Questioning,
I asked Dr. Bob Mendola, a psychiatrist at Gannett, to explain how Paxil and alcohol interact.  He replies:
        "Paxil as well as most antidepressants should not be mixed with alcohol or marijuana.  Alcohol and marijuana can both contribute to the depressive or anxiety features the medication is trying to treat and also inhibit the effects of the medicine.
        "Combining marijuana with antidepressants can cause confusion and occasionally hallucinations or delusions.  Combining alcohol with antidepressants can greatly increase the effects of alcohol, which can include suppressing respiration and death.
        "All in all its not a good idea to combine these chemicals with antidepressants."
        And Gannett's Dr. James Macmillan, to whom I forwarded your "Ecstasy" questions, responds:
        "MDMA is one of the most popular 'designer drugs'.  It is known as 'Ecstasy'.  Its use can produce serious psychological and medical sequelae.
        "After ingestion of 75 to 100 mg users may experience a sense of euphoria, heightened awareness and an improved sense of communication. Acute neuropsychiatric complications have been reported and include anxiety, insomnia, depression, paranoia, confusion panic attacks, and psychosis. Chronic effects of MDMA abuse include depression, drowsiness, anxiety, panic disorder, aggressive outbursts, psychosis, and memory disturbance.
        "It also has serious medical effects.  These are predominantly stimulatory in even mild intoxication and include increased blood pressure and heart rate, decreased appetite, and dry mouth.  Nausea, vomiting, jaw clenching, muscle aches, hot and cold sensations, blurred vision and tingling sensations have all been reported. Serious complications of use that have been reported have included high fevers, heart rhythm disturbances, seizures, muscle damage, kidney failure, stroke, and intracranial hemorrhage.
        "The exact mechanism of the drug's action is not known.  There is some evidence from animal studies that brain serotonergic neurons may be damaged by MDMA."
        Thanks for your help, Dr. Mendola and Dr. Macmillan!
        I can't explain why your friends who do Ecstasy say there are no lasting side effects.  Perhaps they've been lucky so far, or perhaps they want the euphoria so much that they're in denial about side effects they've seen others experience or have already begun to experience themselves.  I wonder what holds them back from engaging in the many drug-free ways of getting "high" that work in harmony with our bodies rather than using damaging chemicals?  Joy, excitement, and heightened awareness are available through meditation, music, literature, friendships, love, nature's vitality, good food, compassionate service, mind-expanding ideas, play, dance, companion animals, and so many other sources.  We underestimate ecstasy when we think we need a drug to produce it.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra:
I know in your past columns you indicated that genital Herpes is most likely to spread during an outbreak.  However, I heard that even during periods when there isn't an outbreak there is a chance of contracting the disease by mere contact.
        The reason I am asking this question is, because I have been dating someone who has Herpes.  She wants to get involved sexually and she claims that using Condoms will eliminate the risk.  However, my reading indicated that Herpes is active at the surface of the skin even when there isn't a breakout.
        She also has not had a breakout in over a year.
        Should I just play it safe and avoid a potenial mess?

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Concerned,
I shared your letter with Roz Kenworthy, Sexuality Counselor at Gannett, who says you are correct that herpes is often spread when there are no apparent lesions. And yes, the presence of a lesion (dictionary definition: any disturbance of the skin) is usually called an outbreak. "Whether condoms will protect you depends on where her lesions are when they appear," Roz explains; "if she has had only internal lesions, the condom may protect. People who have had diagnosable outbreaks are less likely than others to shed virus when there are no symptoms, but there are no guarantees, so I would suggest that you figure out what your feelings are about herpes, and how you estimate the relative importance of this sexual relationship. You should face the fact that one in five Americans has genital herpes. Since most cases are without symptoms, not more than one in 50 ever finds out that they are infected. Any person who has ever had sexual contact with anyone else might infect you with herpes or HPV. You might have one or both of those already."
If you'd like to discuss your questions in greater detail, you can make an appointment with Roz by calling 255-3978.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I have a question about dreams.  I recently had a very sexy dream about someone who I have only met two or three times. It didn't involve any actual sex, but there was some serious kissing going on and it was very emotionally charged and in the dream I felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend.
        The guy in the dream was my boss's boss - the head of the company. I have never found him attractive in real life.  He's not unattractive, but he's not my type and he's a bit stiff and formal.  I recently got a new project that I think came from him, but which I didn't really feel qualified to do.  It turned out splendidly, and was a success, but I had to put a lot of work into it and it was both physically and emotionally draining, since I had to do some travelling for it, and there were very high expectations for the outcome and a bunch of money riding on it.
        It was while I was working on this project that I had the dream. Why do we have sex dreams about people we aren't really attracted to? Are we secretly attracted to them and we don't know it? I've occasionally had these types of dreams about people in the past, and for days or weeks afterwards I'll get weird emotional flashbacks to the dream when I think about or hear about the person. Are there some kind of weird chemicals being released during these dreams that linger and have to be metabolized out of our systems over time?  I haven't seen this guy since I had the dream, but I will have to see him next month and I'm worried that I will act weird or blush or something. What should I do? Is there an explanation for all this?  Is there a way that I can forget about the dream or make sure I get over it before I see him? If we're to believe the sociobiologists, I had the dream because women are genetically programmed to be attracted to the alpha male, but I don't buy it.

                                           Alumna out in corporate america

Dear Alumna out in Corporate America,
I think you'll find the section on "Making Love to an Unexpected Partner" in Dr. Gayle Delaney's ALL ABOUT DREAMS:  EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHY WE HAVE THEM, WHAT THEY MEAN, AND HOW TO PUT THEM TO WORK FOR YOU (HarperSanFrancisco; 1998) very enlightening.  She writes:  "These dreams are easiest to work with if you describe the personality of the dream lover as well as the quality of the dream encounter.  See if there are any parallels in waking life.  The dream lover could indeed represent a part of you, a part of your personality.  In cases in which the dreamer is making love to an absolutely marvelous, wonderful person of the same or different sex, the dream lover could represent an idealized self-image of the dreamer.  Or the lover could represent a situation in which the dreamer feels honored and flattered that such a lover would be interested in him or her.  Such dreams come at a time when the dreamer is moving to a new level of self-confidence and competence either in relationships, in career, or in general self-image or self-esteem."
        That seems to fit with your explanation about your splendidly successful -- albeit highly demanding -- project, which represents a new degree of competence you've accessed and displayed.  You're taking into yourself in a fuller way what your boss's boss represents, in terms of achievement and status.  And it's great to hear that this isn't just some boring next step in the ladder, but carries a certain exhilaration along with it.
        Keep asking yourself questions about the setting, characters, and feelings in the dream, looking for things in everyday life that they remind you of.  The meaning will keep growing on you.  And the more you get at the meaning, the freer you'll be from any lingering embarrassment about that image of having sex with your boss's boss. You didn't make love to *him* in your dream, but rather to a personification of a quality that he, as head of your company, symbolizes.
        Do you think that's enough detachment to keep you from blushing? If not, try this:  When you see him, focus on your appreciation that his role in your dream allowed you to become more sure of yourself.

Uncle Ezra

Hey Uncle Ez,
I hope you don't mind my venting to you.
        My last Slope Day has gone by, as have my last Cornell classes and papers and only one test remains. I'm just sitting up late tonight because I can't stomach even the thought of sleep...I guess it's all the finality this week.
        I have loved this place, truly loved it. I have also hated this place, TRULY hating it sometimes, and cursing the fates that brought me to this remote part of New York. Every corner of this campus holds a memory for me. That's how I know it's time to leave.
        When I actually left from my last class here, I felt incredibly light and free. I wanted to dance! I wish I could have left here just then, with that feeling as the last thing I experienced here. The graduation weekend itself will be incredibly stressful, with my whole family here, and I am NOT looking forward to the goodbyes with people. Not just my fellow senior friends, who will all be in the vicinity of my home next year, but everyone else. Professors, Ithaca friends, and co-workers. Thinking about that is getting me teary-eyed right now.
        I've been toying with the idea of moving to a foriegn country if finding suitable employment here proves too difficult. I'm really excited about that idea, whereas I'm kind of numb at the thought of working here in the U.S. I should just take a deep breath and go. I've given this foriegn country quite a bit of thought as of late. You could even say I'm obsessed with the place. Since I got back from a recent trip there, it has had a hold over me like nothing before. But my family would be deeply upset if I should leave. This is really the first time that I find myself questioning all those expectations that the Fam has for me...I did well in school through high school, did all those extra-curricular things that got me into Cornell, and am graduating with what they all think is a "practical" major. Truth be told, I would have LOVED to switch majors and graduate as something much less "practical". Why did I do this to myself? I guess I just never questioned Mom or Dad. Or myself, really, about what makes me happiest. How very sad.
        I certainly wasn't very happy today, drinking too much and getting sick out there on the Slope. And I'm not very happy right now, sitting in my little musty room in the wee small hours.
        Oh, Ez, what is all this regret I'm feeling? Sickly sweet regret tinged with spicy excitement at the prospect of moving across the sea? Every time I think about it, I get butterflies in my stomach.
        Well, I guess I don't have a question for you...maybe you could offer me some of your thoughts on graduating Cornell, on moving away, on discovering what makes one truly happy. Your answers are always so thoughtful. And I love the poetry you choose! Thank you in advance for your response. I hope you have a chance to get away from your computer and enjoy the sunshine and spring weather these days, Ez.

                                                   Swimming in Melancholy,

                                                                        Me

Dear You,
Swimming in Melancholy,
        What a mixed time this is for you, like a microcosm of the mix Cornell itself has been!  Each of your varied feelings presents a clue to the meaning this place holds for you.  Some are readily apparent: You have put forth intense and sometimes even agonizing effort for four years in your classes, and to reach their end is an event worthy of celebrating, a powerful accomplishment!  You have loved people here, many of whom went through all that intensity at your side, and not to see their faces from time to time or to laugh with them over some shared event or to sit in classes with them and benefit from their knowledge, will feel grievous for quite some time.  It's a lot to lose...but only because a Cornell education -- in its grand scope that includes not just academia but also values and friends and life-changing inspirations and still-incubating seeds of dreams -- is so much to gain.
        And then there is the horizon, which may hold travels abroad, and which brings up in you questions of how much you're your own person. You seem to have regrets over concessions you've made to your family's ideals in the past.  At this transitional moment, you're made freshly aware that you must not ignore your own inner stirrings, wherever they may lead you. Perhaps you never before questioned what you wanted, but now -- take note! -- you are.  Let that fact lift some of your sorrow. Regardless of roads not taken before, you can start now to listen to, and follow, what makes you happiest.
        Here is a poem for you, "This One Is Mine," from the Sufi master Hafiz (from THE GIFT, translations by Daniel Ladinsky, Penguin/Arkana, 1999):

        Someone put
        You on a slave block
        And the unreal bought
        You.

        Now I keep coming to your owner
        Saying,

        "This one is mine."

        You often overhear us talking
        And this can make your heart leap
        With excitement.

        Don't worry,
        I will not let sadness
        Possess you.

        I will gladly borrow all the gold
        I need

        To get you
        Back.

        Who is narrating that poem?  One possible answer is:  your innermost self, the one who generates true desires.  If you can align yourself to that voice, and with kindness yet mastery present its point of view to people who want to tell you how to run your life, I think you will experience a shift in your emotions.  Sickly sweet regret will fade in favor of a purer sadness, when sadness is called for.  Spicy excitement will find the inner grounding to become reality, presuming it's based on an inspired dream of yours and not just on a fleeting fantasy.
        I wish you well in all your journeys, inner and outer, and hope you will keep in touch.  It is quite a moving experience to hear from alums now spread all over the world yet still connected by this thread we call Cornell which is not only a geographical place, but also a place in the heart.

Uncle Ezra

DUE,
I'm graduating this year, but still spending the summer in Ithaca.  I bought a full year membership in the fall - will i still be able to use it over the summer if i'm not technically a student?  Will my card scan the same way it always did, say if i wanted to take out a book from the library?

                                                                   thanks,

                                                                   curious

Dear Curious,
Library borrowing privileges end upon graduation (unless you are continuing on in graduate school at Cornell in the fall), according to Ross Atkinson in Library Administration (ra13@Cornell.edu). So you will not be able to borrow books from the library after 28 May. You may purchase borrowing privileges after that time for $25 per month, or $250 per year. But remember that the Cornell libraries are open to everyone, so that you can go into the stacks, read materials in the libraries, and use the databases at any time. You just cannot check out books. "We hope at some point in the future to offer some special services for alumni," Ross says, "but we are still working on that."
Did you leave out a word in the first part of your letter? It's unclear to me what kind of full membership your referring to. If you need more information to help with that part of your question, please let me know.

Uncle Ezra