Dear Uncle Ezra - Questions for Thursday, February 15, 2001

Dear US,
This is one of the consequences of diversity in our country, so it is a privilege and a pain at times to respond to classification issues. Employers may legally ask if you are authorized to work permanently in the U.S., but may not ask legally if you are a citizen. Not all recruiters are trained as well as they should be. Most American students do not include the citizenship status on the resume. However, if your name is one that could be confused for international student status then it may just help you to include it. It would probably be best to place it at the end of your resume. There are companies that cannot hire international students because of government contracts, because of security clearance, or because the company isn't willing to handle the amount of paperwork necessary to sponsor an international employee so that is why they ask, not because they are discriminating in the negative sense of the word.
Good luck in your job search!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Why do all the radio stations on the east coast start with a W (as in WVBR and WICB), and all the radio stations on the west coast start with a K?

Sincerely,

Curious

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Maybe I'm missing something (02/01/01 Q06), but if Kerberos is "never" sending my password over the network, "encrypted or otherwise,"  How is authentication done?  If I go to a PC running bear access anywhere on campus, I can type in my net-id AND password and get access to personal information.  Each PC is not storing the passwords of all Cornell users, so as far as I can see, that password must be going over the network - unless some very fast, invisible carrier pigeon is taking the information on the wing.
        I have looked at web pages discussing Kerberos and side car, but there must be some sending of passwords over the network for it to work.  Maybe Kerberos cuts down on the number of times that a password is sent by issuing an "electronic ticket" that is then good for all services for a short period of time - but this seems similar to password-protected web areas where once you have "logged in" you can look at any of the pages in the protected area (or come back to them within a certain time limit) without having to authenticate again.

                                                               -web monger

Dear Uncle Ezra,
In the Cornell Fight Song, there are references to two individuals.  Davey and Tee Fee Crain.  Who were they?  I know they are alumni but I don't know who they were or what they did.

                                                                   Thanks,

                                                             School Spirit

Dear Spirit,
"Give my Regards to Davy" (sung to the tune of "Give my Regards to Broadway") was written in 1905 by a Cornell student, Charles Tourison, with the help of some fraternity brothers.  Many Cornellians hear the tune at athletic contests and Cornell events and know the song as Davy, but few know the actual words or what the song is about.  The song is actually a farce, mimicking the tune of a famous song with the words about a student who was kicked out of school (busted) for drinking too much (too many highballs).
        The words to Davy...

Give my regards to Davy, remember me to Tee Fee Crane. Tell all the pikers on the hill that I'll be back again. Tell them just how I busted lapping up the high highball. We'll all have drinks at Theodore Zinck's when I get back next fall!

        The people...
        Davy was David Fletcher Hoy 1891, who was the University Registrar and Secretary for the Committee on Student Conduct. He had a great deal of disciplinary contact with students.
        Tee Fee Crane was Thomas Frederick Crane, an Ithaca lawyer and language professor. He served as the first dean of the Arts School, and was much beloved on campus.
        Theodore Zinck's was the name of a downtown bar in the old Ithaca Hotel and is still remembered by Cornell alumni around the world with local and international Zinck's nights.
        Check out Songs of Cornell produced by the Glee Club or the Big Red Marching Band web site at http://www.rso.cornell.edu/marchingband/ for more song information.  Here's to school spirit!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Whenever I have intercourse (I am female), I have the uncomfortable feeling like I need to urinate. This really prevents me from enjoying sex and figuring out how to orgasm. Even though I have a sensitive bladder, I don't always feel like I have to go, up until the moment of intercourse. Is this normal? And is there any way to alleviate the discomfort?? Thanks!

Unsigned

Dear Sensitive,
Its good that you can ask about this difficulty.  What you are experiencing is not uncommon -- many women experience the same sensation and pressure on the bladder during intercourse, so you are not alone, according to Nina Cummings, our sexuality educator at our Gannett health center.  Here are a few suggestions she offers: Emptying your bladder prior to intercourse may alleviate some pressure you feel. You may also want to consider trying different sexual positions in order to find one where there is less pressure against the bladder. Sometimes that helps. You could also consider decreasing or eliminating any caffeine intake (but for a Cornell student that may be challenging!). A reminder that certain candies, colas and of course coffee and tea are caffeinated may be in order.
        Sometimes individuals who are distracted by stress, past experiences or other demands may feel pressure in the bladder area during intercourse. If you think there are issues you is dealing with that are bringing stress into your life, find a friend or counselor to help you sort them out.
        Many women never orgasm during intercourse because there is not adequate stimulation. The act of intercourse alone simply doesn't provide what some women need to orgasm. So finding other ways to be "turned on" either by more foreplay, changing positions, manual stimulation or masturbation may help you learn what excites you and what brings arousal.
        Finally, if trying different positions, removing caffeine from the diet or other things don't bring relief, you may want to consult a healthcare provider that you trust. You could talk to a clinical counselor at Gannett, or make an appointment with a clinician.
        On the outside chance that you are feeling pain or burning upon urination, or feeling like you have to urinate all the time, you should seek medical help. It could be possible you have a bladder infection.
        I hope that you are able to find something that helps you.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
who is the oldest player in the NBA?

Unsigned

Hey Uncle Ezra,
I've always thought that the pictures of Cornell on the homepage are great. I'd like to use many of them as backgrounds for my computer's desktop. But the resolution (~size) is tiny. Are these photos available elsewhere in better resolutions?? Thanks a lot.

LAK

Dear Uncle,
Well, I am a freshman, and doing pretty decently for my first semester and all. Now i have a question which i trust to you and your infinite wisdom for help on. Now Cornell claims to have like every possible extracurricular activity you could ever want to be involved in. But i have one big complaint, and that is about my sport See

uncle, I'm a racewalker, and while you generally don't run across to many walkers under the age of 50, we do exist. And i was really wondering why since we have such amazing sports teams up here, this couldn't be included as a track event. I understand that its not a NCAA event, and that there aren't to many meets that have the walk, but it does exist. Suny Albany has walkers, so does the University of WIsconsin and a few other schools. Id really like to know if there was anyway this could be an event. Its getting tough for me to trek back and forth to NYC on the weekends to race. And its tough to be motivated to train myself when i can only race every 3 months or so. This is just about the only sport i excel in. I was On of the top 3 walkers in Suffolk county, and had one of the top times in NY state last year. If you could help me find out more about his, I would be very grateful

Sincerely,

a walking niece

Dear Walking,
I contacted Lou Duesing,
the George E. Heekin Coach of Women's Track in Teagle Hall, who told me that we don't have the walk here and he has not heard of any interest in the walk expressed in his eleven years at Cornell. He says the walk has not been a contested event at any collegiate meet he has attended in his 19 years of college coaching. He believe the walkers at Albany and Wisconsin are not part of the track team.
You could contact people in the Finger Lakes Running Club. They host three indoor meets in Barton Hall during January and February. If you can drum up interest first, perhaps they would be interested in sponsoring the walk. Would you be interested in leading or teaching racewalking to others? If you would go the non-competitive route, this might be an interesting and worthwhile option. You could contact Cornell Outdoor Recreation, or the Public Service Center who could put you in touch with downtown groups (Ithaca Youth Bureau, Senior Citizen's Center). You might start a new fad!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra:
What is the origin of the term Ivy League?
        What is the determining factor that make a school part of the Ivy League?

                                                                   Thanks,

                                                                       Kim

Dear Kim,
Great trivia or "Millionarie" question, because you might guess the answer if you clear your mind of the "ivy" association to prestigious East coast institutions with their old buildings and ivy covered walls (actually not the case so much now with new growth and building).  Try to come up with another image.  Give up?  Roman numerals -- IV -- refer to Cornell, Harvard, Princeton and Yale, the schools in the first intercollegiate athletic league formed in 1901 for basketball, which only appeared as an informal exercise in 1898. Morris Bishop gives more in "A History of Cornell," which displays Ezra Cornell's picture on the frontispiece.
        Now the Ivy League is XIII -- the eight Universities of Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Pennsylvania, Princeton, and Yale, who had been competing together in football, basketball, hockey, baseball, swimming and track for many years.  Through these scheduling arrangements, the athletic directors had worked together very closely and in 1945 the first "Ivy Group Agreement" was signed for football. This agreement affirmed that all eight universities would abide by common principles in academic standards, eligibility requirements, and the administration of financial aid for athletes.
        Over time the document was finalized and in 1954 the Ivy Group Agreement was reissued to extend its principles to all sports and to include a round-robin in football.  The round-robin was notable in sports history because it meant that 7 games (of only an 8 or 10 games season) were committed to playing these other schools, a role model for intercollegiate cooperation.  Today the Ivy League is still known for its success in Division I athletics while remaining committed to its principles, in particular that students are not offered athletic scholarships.

Uncle Ezra

Hi Unc,
I vaguely recall hearing something about a service for Alums that Cornell has where recommendations written by faculty can be put on file for future use.  Does this actually exist, and if so, can you tell me more about it?
        Thanks a lot.

                                                                      Matt

Hello Uncle,
I recently learned that one of my favorite musical artists from my youth, the late singer-songwriter and humanitarian Harry Chapin ("Taxi," "Cats in the Cradle"), was a philosophy major at Cornell in the early '60s but did not graduate. Quoting from a fan-created website:
        "Harry Chapin (12/7/42 - 7/16/81), whose original compositions incorporated musical elements stretching from folk to jazz to rock, not only was a troubadour of modern times but also a social reformer. Besides entertaining audiences all across the United States, he often persuaded them to contribute to humanistic causes ranging from world hunger, to support for the performing arts, to aid for the socially disenfranchised. Describing his code to one interviewer, he said: 'Our lives are to be used and thus to be lived as fully as possible. And truly it seems that we are never so alive as when we concern ourselves with other people.' During his career, he raised over five million dollars for various causes. He died in an auto accident on July 16, 1981, while on his way to do a benefit."
        Here is Harry in his own words:
        "In 1960, high school is over, and for the next three years I managed to spend 3 months in the Air Force Academy before resigning, 3 terms at Cornell studying philosophy before busting out, one week punching checks at a bank before terminal boredom, and some time packing film crates at a film-makers, where I worked my way up to Assistant Film Editor. However, by the end of '63, I am in love and thinking I should give one more shot at finishing college. But my second attempt at Cornell (and my first attempt at a love affair) follow the same pattern -- pyrotechnic beginnings followed by gradual decline. Ironically this educational and emotional merry-go-round makes a fertile climate for my first songs. They fall into the usual categories for young prophets: protest songs and lugubrious ballads of unrequited love. It takes 4 terms to bust out this time."
        Following his later commercial success in the '70s as a singer-songwriter, he wrote:
        "So here I was, a new career going strong, faced with the questions of what to do with it. All my brave words of the 60's about the social responsibility of successful people became bluffs to be called. I believe that success brings responsibility. It also does not bring immunity to the consequences of our quickening march toward oblivion. The bottom line is that all of us should be involved in our futures to create a world that our children will want to live in. My commitment to end world hunger, my music and my story songs, are ways of dealing with the world as I see it -- that painfully exciting process of growth that can make one's life into a richly woven tapestry."
        Cogent words to live by. Sadly, Harry's life ended abruptly in the middle, between the search and the goal, between the promise and the gift. Not yet there, but on the way.
        So here is my question: Now that I am aware of Harry's Ithaca connection, I wonder if one of my all-time favorite Chapin compositions was in fact inspired by one of his aforementioned ill-fated love affairs played out while living on a certain popular off-campus thoroughfare.
        The song is called "Old College Avenue" and here are the lyrics:

[Verse 1] Of course I picked a rainy night To try to find our past The street lights all were flickering The leaves were falling fast

I walked down the winding road Looked up through the trees And I saw the corner window That you once shared with me

[Chorus] It was Old College Avenue And in the time of having you I remember it as if it were today

The tiny room and the single bed Though the tangled trails of time Have led us far astray The memory seems to stay

And through all the roads That led me on And through all the years That you've been gone I have found that it would never go away

It was Old College Avenue And in the time of having you I remember it as if it were today

[Verse 2] That fall turned into winter The winter into spring And all the while, you led me through The sweet awakening

But summer never came that year It's what you went to find And you took my future with you And you left your past behind

[Repeat Chorus]

                                                                   Signed,

                                                         Cornell Dad in NJ

Dear Dad,
The common fallacy is that Harry's song "Old College Avenue" is about Clare MacIntyre, a woman whom he'd met in Fishkill during a summer off from school.  The reason for this fallacy is that Clare was later the inspiration for a few of Harry's other songs, including "Taxi."  But in fact, Clare never lived in Ithaca or attended Cornell; they visited each other on weekends while she attended a junior college in Poughkeepsie, and they broke up after Harry dropped out of Cornell for the second time.
        Harry actually wrote "Old College Avenue" to Jenny Gillette, a fellow student at Cornell whom Harry dated while attending Cornell for the *third* time (the first two times he dropped out; the third he merely audited some classes, and he never received a degree). They dated, and might have lived together for a short while (the song certainly implies that), but they didn't last.  Jenny later married an ex-boyfriend in Florida, and unfortunately died of brain cancer in 1967.
        Thanks for the background on an inspiring alum.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra-
I've been wondering about this for a long time... I was born with no sense of smell.  As far as I know my sense of taste is unaffected, I've just never been able to smell anything.  When I was little, my parents used to think I was kidding when I, for example, wouldn't notice that the car had hit a skunk when everyone else was gasping for breath, but eventually they realized that I just wasn't smelling anything.
        People tell me that if I can't smell, It's impossible for me to taste, or suggest that perhaps I can only taste the four basic flavors (salty, sweet, sour, and bitter), but I'm pretty sure this isn't the case, as I can tell certain tastes from others as well as anyone else as far as I know, and I can discuss the taste of food with other people and it seems like we're talking on the same wavelength.
        I looked it up on the internet, and apparently the condition is called 'Anosmia,' but I could find hardly any reliable/quality information about it.
        There is nothing structurally wrong with my nose; I haven't got a deviated septum or anything like that to the best of my knowledge. So what is the deal?  Is it possible to not have a sense of smell and yet have taste be pretty much unaffected?
        I've never gone to a professional to seek help, because it doesn't really interfere with my daily life, and as I see it has several advantages as well as disadvantages, but I'm rather curious.
        Thank you!

                                                                  Unsigned

P.S. - If I could see dead people, it would only be -The Fifth Sense-

Dear Smell-less,
We have a wonderful resource here on campus for just your issue, Professor Bruce Halpern (bph1).  In fact, you may want to take one of his classes in the Psychology Department, Psych 307 or 607, Chemosensory Perception.  He says that information, diagnosis, and possible help for olfactory disfunction are are available.  For general information, useful web sites are:
        1)  http://www.monell.org/sensation.htm A research institute in Philadelphia devoted to smell, taste, and nutrition.
        2)  http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/textonly/health/pubs_st/smltaste.htm Information on disorders from the National Institute of Deafness and Other Communicative Disorders, an institute of NIH.  Smell and taste problems are considered communicative disorders.
        3)  http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/textonly/health/pubs_st/smltaste.htm A web site of a faculty member at the University of Michigan.
        4)  http://www.achems.org/TasteAndSmell.htm Links to olfactory or taste disorder clinical centers, and information on smell and taste, from AChemS, the largest organization of basic and clinical researchers in smell and taste.
        5)  http://www.achems.org/ The Association for Chemoreception Sciences, the largest organization of basic and clinical researchers in smell and taste.
        6)  http://courseinfo.cit.cornell.edu/courses/psych431_nbb421/ In the External Links folder of this Cornell CourseInfo site there are Olfaction and Gustation folders.
        7)  Some of the NIH supported clinical centers are: --University of Connecticut Clinical Chemosensory Research Center
        http://www.uchc.edu/uconntasteandsmell/ --University of California, San Diego.
        http://health.ucsd.edu/health_info/smell.htm --Rocky-Mountain Smell and Taste Center
        University of Colorado
        4200 E. 9th. Ave., Box B-205
        Denver, CO 80262 --University of Cincinnati Chemosensory Research Center
        Dept. Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery
        231 Bethesda Ave.
        Cincinnati, OH 45267-0528 --Smell and Taste Center
        Hospital Of the University of Pennsylvania
        3400 Spruce Street
        Philadelphia PA 19104-4283 --Monell Chemical Senses Center
        3500 Market Street
        Philadelphia, PA 19104
        contact info@monell.org www.monell.org --Clinical Olfactory Research
        College of Sciences
        6363 Alvarado Ct., Suite 101
        San Diego, CA 92120-4913
        8) Bruce P. Halpern, Professor of Psychology and of Neurobiology & Behavior Uris Hall, Telephone: office: 607-255-6433   http://www.psych.cornell.edu/Psychology/HalpernB_statement
             http://www.nbb.cornell.edu/neurobio/neurobio.html   http://www.vet.cornell.edu/public/research/physio/halpern/index.htm
        I hope this helps.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I miss your column! Now I am at a grad school whose university doesn't have a wonderful advice service like we have at Cornell. How do I go about starting an "Ask Uncle [Ezra]" at another university? Who would I talk to? Is it expensive for the University to fund such a thing? What about hiring assistants, researchers, etc. I think the "Ask Ezra" system at University's is an awesome concept. Your column has always kept me entertained, informed, and inspired during my years at Cornell! A University without a column like ours is definitely missing out!!

Love,

Luv

Dear Luv,
Thank you for your kind words. You can search the Uncle Ezra archives under "Steve Worona" to find some answers to your questions. The service was started by a counseling center staff member and a computer services person. These would be the two people from your university to contact about your idea. Funding is always an issue for a new program, but there are creative funding opportunities that can be tapped. The time for setting the service up and the time for answering and posting questions is expensive. Some student assistants can be used to do general research, which is made much easier these days by the Internet. There are other services that are issue-related such as Nutriquest here at Cornell and goaskalice at Columbia, and of course there are many Ask Dr Science sites.
Good luck in pursuing your idea. When you get so far, have your computer services person contact our computer services person for technical details.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I'm curious as to when public schools (K-12) in New York were integrated. I've found legal documentation on laws passed (Brown vs. Board Of Education, May 17, 1954) but I am curious to when the changes actually occurred. I'm sure it varied from one county to the next, in and outside of New York City, but I'm just looking for some general information. Thanks for your time.

Youngin who can't remember segregated schools

Dear Young-un,
The story of school desegregation is one we don't want to forget, for it teaches us how far we can diverge from decent humanity and how far we have come as a society on the mend. We've come a long way since the 1896 Plessy. vs. Ferguson separate-but-equal doctrine, which legitimized "Jim Crow" restaurants, drinking fountains, and schools.
        A World War and a Great Depression later, in 1939 and 1940, psychologist Kenneth Clark and his wife tested black children in D.C. and NYC to determine the effects of segregation on self-esteem. These results were important in the 1954 Brown decision. Fifteen years later, in 1969, the Supreme Court again had to rule that all school districts must end desegregation at once.  In Buffalo in 1970, a federal court ruled that "reshuffling" was unconstitutional.  But in 1971 the Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare announced the need for renewed attention to desegregation in the North, citing that since 1968 desegregation had risen from 27.6% to 27.7%, whereas in the South it had risen from 18.4% to 38.1%; there were at that time more segregated school systems in the North than in the South.  In 1972 an anti-busing provision passed the Senate. In 1974 in Brooklyn they were looking at racially balancing the public housing nearby an unbalanced school as an attempt to work at desegregation on a community level. In 1988, Judge Sand held Yonkers in contempt for refusing his order to desegregate its public schools and he imposed fines that threatened to bankrupt the city.
        Consult the library or Carlton Mabee's book on black education in New York State, or "Eyes on the Prize: American's Civil Rights Years 1954-1965" by Juan WIlliams. The Southern Poverty Law Center, www.splcenter.org, is an excellent resource.  They sponsor Teaching for Tolerance, with an interactive website www.tolerance.org to be launched this spring. The site will have components for parents, teachers and children, an interactive Civil Rights Memorial, biographies and photographs of martyrs, resources for fighting hate, stereotype and prejudice tests, and a "good news" link.
        Enjoy the many educational and cultural events around Black History Month and help celebrate yet another year closer to realizing the American Dream.

Uncle Ezra

Uncle?!?!?!?
Regarding your answer to Q20 on 2/1/01...  "whoring"???
        What gives?

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Uncle Ezra,
"whoring"?!

                                                               Jeffrey  A.

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Re: 2/1/01, Q20.
        I realize that the word came from the user, but don't you think that the reply: It's your choice -- whoring or planning ahead to get supplies somewhere else. is a bit on the crude side?

                                             -- not usually this sensitive

Dear Readers,
Please accept my apologies for using a word that has insulting connotations. My intent was to use the questioner's language to match their original meaning and tone. The third definition of "whoring" in the American Heritage Dictionary is "to compromise one's principles for personal gain." The Encarta Dictionary adds that it is "an offensive term for somebody who is regarded as willingly setting aside principles or personal integrity in order to obtain something, usually for selfish motives (insult) ". The word is clearly very strong language that the writer most likely was using to convey a sense of anger at the economic system. I wanted to convey to the writer a sense of having choice in how to respond to an unhappy situation -- either with anger or with planfulness.
An added note in the dictionary says that "whore" is ultimately from an Indo-European root -ka, meaning "to like or desire" that is also the ancestor of English cherish, caress, charity, and Kamasutra. The second listing is from Sanskrit "kamah" meaning "love, desire". A table of Indo-European Sound Correspondences in the Appendix shows that unvoiced 'k's from Sanskrit, Old Persian, Slavonic, Lithuanian, Armenian and Greek become 'h' in Germanic, Old Norse, Dutch and English. "Whoredom" in the Bible meant idolatry, or unfaithfulness to God.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra -
I am a recent Cornell graduate (December '00!) moving to Boston sometime in the next few months - probably between March and June, whenever i figure out the logistics of it all.  I have a job there doing research for a small online film company, which is really exciting and very promising, but it doesn't pay very much at first since we're basically building the business up from scratch.  I'll be lucky if I earn 1000-1500 a month, all taxable income, until summer of 2002.  Also, I've never set foot in or near Boston - i grew up in ithaca, went to school in ithaca, you get the picture.  I have no idea what it is like, except that it is a big city and that Boston University is there, and that they had this big tea party a couple hundred years ago or something.  The people I'm working with aren't going to help me find housing or adjust or anything.  i don't know where to start!
        Can you, Uncle Ezra, answer my questions about Boston?
        1) How high is the cost of living?  What can I expect to pay for utilities, housing, food, etc?
        2) Is it very hard to get around Boston without a caar?  I will have to sell mine, I can't pay for the insurance.
        3) What's the best way for someone with my income find a decent place to live?  Is it possible for me to live alone?  If not, how do I find nice roomates, people I can get along with?I am tired of living like a bum in a house in Ithaca that is falling apart, with a dirty carpet and stained kitchen and holes in the ceiling.  I want something decent!  If that means struggling on my low income by paying for something a little nicer, fine.  I'm so unhappy with my college apartments - dingy walls, and scratched up furniture, bathroom with tubs so disgusting I could never have a tub bath in them, just showers.  You understand.  It's time I start living a little like a grown up, you know?  I cook a lot, and spend a lot of time at home. even when i was growing up, we had a yucky house that was always messy and falling apart.  i want a change.  I have tried going to the web pages of colleges in boston, but most of their housing sites require one to put in a student identification code to look at their listings. i figure that living with other students is a good idea - i'm probably more likely to get along with them.  i'm pretty particular about who i live with - people who are clean, intelligent, not into fraternity or sorrority life, independent, did i mention intelligent? i'm an ithacan in every sense of the word - progressive (leftist), open-minded and independent, a little "earthy" and i prefer living with people like me.
        4) Is Boston safe?  What neighborhoods should I avoid?  Do you recommend a nice area?  i don't want to live in the same building as heroin addicts or criminals, thanks.
        5) I'm a BFA recipient, and I'd like to live in an area or hang out at places where I'll have contact with other young artists and art students.  Any suggestions of secret, smoky coffee shops, cool jazz clubs, funky neighborhoods or avante garde galleries? I'd like to stay in touch with other college students or recent grads - I'm not ready to expel myself from the intellegista quite yet.  none of my old cornell friends are in the boston area, i'm a little afraid of not meeting anybody.  what will i do without lunchtime runs to juna's or silverbird downtown for pastries or wraps, or early morning stops into stella's and ctb for coffee and a cigarette before class, a chat with one of ithaca's crazy artists or a quick look through the times? help me make my transition from ithaca into the "outside world' okay, ezra! this is the only place i know, and it's breaking my heart to leave it for the unknown. the past 22 years in Ithaca have shaped my life. I've been all around upstate, and I've been to Toronto, Montreal, and Niagara falls.  I went to Africa with my parents when I was 15.  But, other than that, I've never really lived anywhere else. I hope I can handle it.
        Thanks Ezra.

                                                  Your Boston Bound Niece.

Dear Niece,
This will be an exciting transition for you!  Of course, you want to have some idea of what to expect, but you will also experience the joy of discovery as you go through the process on your own.  There may be as many different answers to your questions as there are people who have made the move to the city of Paul Revere, the Charles River and the Boston Pops.  There is an invisible highway between Ithaca and Boston that carries many people back and forth. As you talk to others, they may know people who have moved to Boston recently and be able to put you in touch with them.
        A scouting trip to the city would be a good idea for you.  Stay at the Youth Hostel in South Boston off Mass. Ave, near the Music School, and meet many others in your situation.  You may see notes on the bulletin board there to follow up on.  Visit the Food Cooperative in Cambridge on Mass. Ave. between MIT and Harvard and check the bulletin board or newsletters there for information and resources. Look in smaller newspapers to scope out the groups and activities which might be of interest to you. The major newspaper is on-line at bostonglobe.com.
        Research Boston and Cambridge on the web to discover what else is there (try CommunityClassifieds.com or huboftheuniverse.com).  There are many colleges and universities in and around Boston and Cambridge where you may find the ambience you are looking for.  The location of your office will determine the best direction for your finer explorations. If you are a member of any cultural or hobby groups (churches, music or dance, antiques) you may be able to connect to their Boston-based resources.
        Yes, Boston is expensive and rooming with someone is the less expensive way to go.  Yes, a car is a liability, but the subway system (MTA) is very accessible. Yes, there are neighborhoods and buildings to avoid, so you need to make a list for yourself of your criteria. Working through a realtor may help you find what you want.
        Boston is a very exciting, international and young city where you can find almost anything you are looking for.  Good luck!

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle,
Your former niece (Cornell alum) is sick and tired of spending her weekends sorting through junk mail and answering telemarketers' calls.  Hence, two questions:
        1.  Is there a quick and easy way to stop the flow of unsolicited mail?  I understand that this may, to some extent, be accomplished by making sure that no merchant or organization I deal with sells personal information.  Is there an easier alternative, however?  Like a postal list that I may join, so that the post office does not deliver junk mail to me?
        2.  Is there a similar remedy against unsolicited phone calls?  I heard that some states are experimenting with programs where a person may put his or her number on a special list which is off-limits to telemarketers.  Do you know if any states have such a program? If remedies exist only at the individual state level -- do New Jersey residents have a means to stop this?
        Thanks for your help!

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Niece,
Good for you for recognizing how those unasked-for items steal our time.  You value your time enough to want to be able to make your own choices in how you spend it.  If you search on "Junk Mail" you will find pointers such as the following:
        1. Write, "Please do not sell my name or address," on warranty cards or other documents you fill out when you purchase a product or service.
        2. Think twice before sending in warranty cards to manufacturers; most of the time, they are used for marketing purposes.
        3. Call your credit card companies and tell them you do not wish to have your name or address sold.
        4. Avoid filling out contest forms. This is a sure way to get lots of junk mail.
        5. Send first-class junk mail back to the sender. Circle the stamp and write, "Refused: Return to sender."
        6. Fill out forms 1500, 2150 or 2201 with the U.S. Postal Service to stop sexually explicit mail.
        7. Contact (888) 567-8688 to stop credit card offers. Have your previous address and social security number ready. This will cover most credit agencies.
        8. Dial America Online at (800) 827-6364 to stop receiving discs.
        9.  Give Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes a call at (800) 645-9242 to stop sweepstakes mail. Or send a fax to (800) 453-0272. You can also send a request to 101 Channel Dr., Port Washington NY 11050. Be sure to list each name you want removed from the mailing list as it appears in the mail you receive.
        10. Contact Stop the Junk Mail (see Related Sites) for more information.
        11.  Call (800) 237-2400 to stop receiving American Family Sweepstakes information.
        12.  Get in touch with the Direct Marketing Association (see Related Sites) for more information about how to stop junk mail for up to five years.
        As for being a Telemarketer's Victim, on October 12, 2000, Governor George E. Pataki signed the Do Not Call telemarketing registry bill into law.  The new law will become effective on April 1, 2001. Under the law, it will be illegal for telemarketers to call you once your name appears on the registry.  This will eliminate unwanted high-pressure calls in which telemarketers attempt to sell you a product or service over the telephone.  Telemarketers who violate the law could be subject to a fine of up to $2,000 per call. To make it easier for you to participate in the registry, the Consumer Protection Board is offering you an opportunity to PRE-REGISTER on the Do Not Call list. Contact https://www.consumer.state.ny.us/prereg.htm.
        You will have to contact the New Jersey governor's office to see if they have a similar program.  If they don't, you might tell them about New York's lead.  I hope it works for you.

Uncle Ezra

Hi Uncle Ezra,
I am a May '00 alum looking to go to grad school in the near future, however, I am unsure what exactly I'd like to study or where exactly I'd like to go to attend school.  Can you recommend any resources to help me get started on my search?
        Also, I know there are fellowships and assistantships out there, and would really like to attend a university where I can get paid to work and take classes.  Are there any special resources to find these opportunities?
        Thanks!

                             -Your niece who is ready to go back to school

Dear Ready,
How exciting to be at this place of transition!  You haven't told me much about yourself, so I expect you might need to start at the beginning.  Who are you?  What do you like?  What do you want? What are you good at?  What would you like to build on, skill-wise and ability-wise? Where do you want to see yourself in 5 and in 10 years? Be broad -- where geographically, in a relationship, with a family, in a company or self-employed, driving a sports car or taking public transportation, teaching children, sitting behind a big desk, travelling or working with test tubes, plants, computers, or bridges? What do you have a burning desire to know in great detail, so that you feel you could never get enough of it?
        After the big dreaming, comes the time for practicality.  You may have some constraints about where you go to grad school geographically or financially.  You may have the stamina for an MD/PhD program, or you may want to take on a one year intensive master's program.
        Once you have some ideas about what you want to study, you can research the schools that offer these courses and degrees, and that fit your other criteria.  Most schools will offer financial assistance, so don't make this your first line of exclusion.  The better the school, the more money they have to offer graduate students who help them maintain their reputation.
        Talk to people you know about what they do and how they like it. Ask professionals about their graduate school experience.  People love to tell these stories, so don't be shy.  In a large city, you can sign on with a temporary employment agency and get to know many different people and lines of work.
        You can also read biographies or autobiographies to find out about people who you admire. How did they where they were going? Another excellent resource today is individual webpages.  If you look at a University's faculty roster, you can go to the webpage of people in the department you are interested in, and read the work of these people.  When you feel a shot of adrenaline go through your system, you will know that this is an area that will hold your interest through a graduate school program.  Go with it.
        May the wind blow gently at your back and the sun shine warmly on your face.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
Here's a tough one for you - Uncle!
        Okay, I'm in high school and I live at home.  I have been openly gay since my freshmen year, but my parents have generally dismissed this, and told me that I should "try something" with a girl.  Well I haven't done that, but over the years I have explored my own homosexuality.  I am sure that this is my preference.  The subject doesn't come up much at home, only when my father uses it as a defense... ("... only fags do that! ...").  Needless to say, my home life (I live with both parents) is not the most supportive atmosphere. To add to the plot, I have met a guy, and I am very serious about him now.  I am in love, and it feels right.  I have been with enough people to know that this is the real thing. I have met my boyfriend's family, and made favorable impressions, but it's time for my parents to know.  I can't go around sneaking about this relationship any longer.  They have to know that something is up, because we do talk on the phone a lot.  I want him to be able to come and see me (not necessarily at my house) and not have to lie to my parents about it.
        Please help me.

                                                                  Unsigned

Dear Wanting-to-be-open,
There are still some generational gaps in our understanding of diverse expressions of sexuality.  It is very painful to hear these things from your father.  It is hard to understand him as a person and as a product of his generation, and perhaps his own social context and family attitudes.  I greatly admire your desire to help your parents understand you and your life course.  I'm sure it helps to have healthy models in your boyfriend's family.  This can be tremendously supportive to you as you attempt to find a way through your own family barriers.
        Open a discussion with your parents with a statement you both can agree on -- a desire that you are happy in your life, or the importance of a relationship that meets your needs in many ways.  You can even talk with them about their relationship and what works and doesn't.  You can agree on some things that you both like -- someone to share the day with, someone to go to a movie with, someone to share your joys and sorrows with.  When you have gotten this far, and then suggest that this person could be either gender, things may get more difficult, but you have a base of agreement from which to diverge. Sooner or later, one or both of your parents may see that what you said is true -- that you are happy with this person, that you enjoy doing things together, and that you are making good choices in your life.
        You say your father uses his critical, blaming attitude as a defense, so you realize that it has nothing to do with you or even with homosexuality.  What do you think it is a defense against?  It is hard for some men to "be in touch with" their more sensitive, open, loving nature, especially if it has met with derision and ridicule at work or from his own father. Handling anger is also difficult for many people, and it is easy to displace it onto what seems like a convenient scapegoat -- an unknown "other."  But people are often surprised when then find that someone they know personally is gay, because they like this person and don't want to treat them as the "class" toward which they had a bias. It may be that when your parents meet your boyfriend, they will drop their stereotypes of the "class" of gay people and come to like him as an individual.  Perhaps bringing your boyfriend around as a friend first might help to open some doors initially.
        Make sure you and your boyfriend discuss your feelings about coming out to potentially hostile parents.  Have you talked to other gay couples about their experiences?  There are many books and websites about these situations that may be helpful to you.  Does your school or community have a gay resource center that can connect you with peers to share your coming out process with your parents? Strong support is essential to your ability to handle your own feelings as you go through this process.
        Cornell's own Ritch Savin-WIlliams has just written "Mom, Dad, I'm Gay.  How Families Negotiate Coming Out", an insightful blend of academic research and documents of 164 interviews.  Dr. Savin-Williams has also written "...And then I Became Gay: Young Men's Stories."
        I hope that your parents can recognize that love conquers fear, and see the good life down the road for all of you if you are able to be open with one another.  Are they aware of PFLAG (www.pflag.org or www.critpath.org/pflag-talk/) or other groups for parents of gay children?  There are some excellent books, stories and articles available by those who have been through this process. You could download some of this information for your parents, perhaps even make a "notebook" or it for them to leaf through as their own psyche permits them to take it in.
        I wish you the best as you progress down this road.  I wish you patience as your parents work through letting go of their preconceptions and expectations and embrace a new world view which includes your and your relationships.

Uncle Ezra

Dear Uncle Ezra,
I'm about to start going to an aerobics class that starts very early in the morning. Since my classes don't start till midmorning, I'm considering going right back to sleep after the aerobics class. I want to know if going back to bed after exercising is a bad idea or not. Thanks!

Unsigned

Dear Aerobic,
Spring is a great time to get up and out early and feel alive with the world. You are getting in tune with your body which is waking up from its own form of "hibernation". If your body wants to go back to sleep, it is not unhealthy. However, exercise gets your endorphins flowing -- a natural stimulant. You could take advantage of this energy boost by doing some work that will save you time on the other end of the day. In fact, some people find they are more efficient if they take advantage of these peak times to focus on tasks.
This is a time to find the balance of work and play that fits best with your own biorhythms. Time management is one of the most important skills you learn during the semester. As you learn more about how you work best, you are less dependent on caffeine, or other ways to "force" yourself to focus when your brain needs a rest. Enjoy your class!

Uncle Ezra